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Jen and I
always read all of most of some of our mail. And we get it–sometimes, folks are not happy with all of the things we say. There are people who feel we’re too rough on Ann Curry (By the way: Seriously? It’s not like she isn‘t a robot). And there are those few remaining Gwen Stefani fans who wish we whouldn’t comment on her man-shoulders. There’s Tila Tequila, who likes our sense of humor (??!), but changes her mind once she sees we don’t believe she actually buys Chanel (or that she should exist).
Maybe y’all get mad sometimes. And you want to tell us. That’s cool, guys. That’s fine. That’s par for the course for two ladies pouring pitchers of Haterade.
But might I make one request: the next time you’re all worked up, huffy and puffy with your mouse clicking away and your little fingers tippity-tappity-ing against your keyboard, fueled by unsettled angst while composing an angry email to us–please remember what your Asian “ha ha” alternative might be if gals like us weren’t busy policing the Web:
Unless you’ve got a real hankering for “69 Photos of Asian Girls Posing,” all day, every day–in which case, DISGRASIAN is probably not the site for you. Please. Step. Away.
Let’s face it. Nobody writes letters any more. And that’s just sad. We’d like to bring letter-writing back, so we present our DOTW this week in epistolary fashion:
You like writing letters? Us, too! Let’s be friends.
pen pals 4eva,
your partners in haterasian,
You held a grudge for 20 years? Dayum, man. That’s more hardcore than Jen’s dad, who will disown you if you have, like, bad taste in movies. We’re not sayin’ that that’s healthy or anything. But it is pretty darn Asian.
good luck with that,
Hold up. You hate black people? And you wrote over 200 hate letters and emails to black men because a black guy “stole” your girlfriend 20 years ago? Duuude. You got problems. We are sooo not down with you. Neither is the U.S. justice system, which just sentenced you to three years in the clink.
P.S. Forget about us writing to you in prison or, like, ever again. Because, like Jen’s dad, we hold a pretty mean grudge ourselves. And once, as Heidi Klum would say, you’re out, your ass is out, naw mean?
David Tuason, a Filipino man pushing 50 in Cleveland, OH, has plead “not guilty” to charges of writing hateful, racist letters to Black Americans (often after they were spotted with white women) over the past twenty years.
The official charges: two counts of transmitting threatening interstate communications and six counts of mailing threatening communications. Targets included Clarence Thomas and Derek Jeter.
The Associated Press reports:
The FBI says Tuason wrote threatening letters over two decades, often targeting black men who were seen with white women. The letters dated to the late 1980s, seemed to stop in the early 1990s, but started again later that decade.
FBI agents found Tuason a few months ago when he started sending messages via e-mail instead of U.S. mail, authorities said.
My goodness. As if being a narrow-minded, repulsive, racist prick (fine, alleged) isn’t stupid enough–Tuason shows that idiocy knows no bounds by getting busted in the most obvious way possible. Thank god for his lack of intellect. I’m thrilled that his DISGRASIAN brain didn’t think he could possibly be traced through electronic mail. When has that ever happened?
On another note, I’m pysched that this psycho is behind bars for now–but why do I feel ashamed?
Happy New Year all! Instead of us deciding who deserves the coveted mantle of DISGRASIAN of the Year, we thought we’d open that up to you, dear readers. Who did you think was the biggest disgrace to the race? Who sold out their peeps with the least amount of shame? To whom did you want to send hate mail? Who made you vomit in your mouth every time you logged onto the interweb and came across their grody visage? Below you’ll find a sampling of the contenders, followed by our DISGRASIAN of the Year exit poll. Now get crackin’, we’ve got some shampers to drink!