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Harvard Beats Yale In Latest Round Of Elitist F*ckery

November 15th, 2011 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

In the run-up to “The Game”–Harvard and Yale’s annual pre-Thanksgiving pretense at college football–Harvard students have produced this “Occupy Yale/We Are The 6%” shirt, the 6%, as Gawker’s Maureen O’Connor points out, referring to Harvard’s 2011 admission rate, the lowest of the Ivies and a whole 1.15% lower than Yale’s:

Jesus Fuck. This is actually too boring to be offensive. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: you can’t have a school rivalry when your football has become so sub-par. Harvard, Yale (my alma mater)…does anyone really think there’s a difference? We’re all the same kind of asshole. (Except for the person who actually buys the Occupy Yale shirt. S/he is a MUCH bigger asshole.)

When measuring Ivy League dick, I much prefer this shirt, by men’s designer Mark McNairy:

Continue reading Harvard Beats Yale In Latest Round Of Elitist F*ckery

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Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior: Because Their Daughters Get Into Harvard, That’s Why

April 1st, 2011 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

For those of you eagerly awaiting a very public failure from one of Tiger Mom Amy Chua’s prodigy offspring–like a crack cocaine bender or half-naked photos leaked onto the Internet–so that you can feel better about your own parenting-style/feel better about the lax way in which you were parented/feel better about the strict way in which you were parented that weirdly didn’t yield the same sort of results/feel better about the fact that “the Chinese way” isn’t better therefore you don’t have to confront your diminishing place in the global power structure/oh hell, just feel better about yourself in general…

Um, better luck next year?

Because this year, Chua’s Number One Daughter, Sophia (pictured), has been accepted to Harvard–Chua’s alma mater and where she and her invisible husband, Jed Rubenfeld, received their law degrees–despite the fact that the university took only 6.2 percent of its undergraduate applicants for the Class of 2015, which was the lowest admissions rate of all the Ivies. And according to Above the Law, Sophia has already decided to matriculate there as well.

But hey, there’s still time for Lulu–Chua’s Number Two Daughter who teaches her Tiger Continue reading Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior: Because Their Daughters Get Into Harvard, That’s Why

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BABEWATCH: Divya Narendra, The Real-Life Indian Dude Who Wasn’t Played By An Indian Dude In ‘The Social Network’

October 12th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Divya Narendra

Age: 28

Occupation: CEO and co-founder of SumZero, a professional networking site for investment banker-ish people, co-founder of Harvard Connection (later named ConnectU), and suer of Mark Zuckerberg

By now you know the name Divya Narendra, one of the founders of Harvard Connection/ConnectU who sued Mark Zuckerberg for stealing their idea for a social networking site. You know this because you’ve seen The Social Network, where Narendra is played by Max Minghella. Minghella isn’t Indian like Narendra, although he is of some Asian Persuasion (Minghella’s mother, a native of Hong Kong, is Scottish and Chinese). Still, this is kinda creepy, no?

Narendra IRL with the impossibly impossible Winklevoss Twins, top, and Narendra in the movie, below

What Narendra IRL and Narendra in The Social Network do have in common is that they’re both hot, in that Ivy League, elitist fuck-sorta way. (Although apparently, Narendra IRL comes from humbler origins.) And ladies, good news: Divya Narendra’s interested in women. We know that from stalking–what else?–his Facebook profile.

[WSJ: Creative License of 'Social Network']
[WSJ: Who's the Indian in The Social Network?]

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Thanks, Erica!

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Total Kong-quest

March 12th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that most people who saw Seth Gordon’s fantastic 2007 documentary, King of Kong (a film about two middle-aged men–a middle school teacher and a condiment magnate–duking it out for the Guinness World Record on Donkey Kong), were not quickly inspired to follow in the principal characters’ footsteps. Though respectfully portrayed, most of the people featured in the film are lovable losers, aging dorks, gamer geeks–and the addiction itself so all-consuming that it alienates even our hero from family, home and daily life.

But of course, someone did. Hank Chien, a 35-year-old plastic surgeon from New York, started playing the game after seeing the film. He recently broke the standing record, held by longtime recordholder Billy Mitchell, with 1,061,700 points in two and a half hours. The score was 10,000 higher than Mitchell’s.

The Kong-querer

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BABEWATCH: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Sonia Dara

February 16th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Sonia Dara

Hails from: Hotlanta, Georgia

Occupation: Model and college student

Why She’s a Babe: Not only is Sonia the first model of Indian descent to grace the pages of Sports Illustrated‘s Swimsuit Issue, she’s also a sophomore at Harvard, where she’s studying economics. Can you imagine what it’d be like to be her roommate? You could never borrow her clothes or have a pint of ice cream or a beer around her without feeling like a pathetic, fat slob, and despite secretly hating her and her perfection, you’d have to befriend her, because she’d be your in to meeting hot guys, and not just goofy undergrads, but, like, hot graduate students doing their dissertations in something sexy like philosophy who spoke eight languages and lived part-time in a real city like Paris or En-Why-See, dudes who would, unfortunately, only befriend you because you’d be their in to the swimsuit model.

Sigh.

Fortunately for that poor lass, Sonia is taking a year off from school to pursue her modeling career. In other words, there is a god.

Click here to see more pics of Sonia in SI‘s 2010 Swimsuit Issue.

[Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit 2010]
[Elite Model Management: Sonia Dara]

Thanks, Robert!

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Jeremy Lin

December 14th, 2009 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

Name: Jeremy Lin

Hails from: Cambridge, MA (via Palo Alto, CA)

Occupation: College senior, Basketball player for Harvard University

Jeremy Lin Knows How To Win

Jeremy Lin Knows How To Win


Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Jeremy Lin

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Changing The World, One Hardass Asian Day At A Time

September 28th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
That’s “Mr. President,” if you’re nasty

It finally happened! On September 22, amazian Jim Yong Kim was inaugurated as the 17th President of Dartmouth College.

If you recall, he is both the first physician to lead Dartmouth in all of its 240 years and the first Asian American to head an Ivy League institution.

Never mind that he’s already a decorated student and educator, with an A.B. from Brown and both graduate degrees (M.D. and Ph.D.) from Harvard–where, prior to his move to Dartmouth, he held professorships at the Medical School and School of Public Health. Or that he’s commonly regarded as a “global health pioneer” for his work with various health institutions and the World Health Organization, and for co-founding the nonprofit medical organization Partners in Health. (Ed Note: My dad just read the last paragraph and started crying.)

We just watched Kim’s inaugural speech, and can totally see why students have found him to be a “most inspirational instructor,” guiding young people to feel they can change the world:

…but we couldn’t help but notice that all of Kim’s warm and cuddly stuff seems to be frosted with just a hint of awesome Hardass Asian Presidentialness: All that talk of excellence, persistence, preparasian? Thank bejeezus! He knows how to talk on our terms!!!

Even WE can’t help but feel rather inspired by Kim’s philosophies (but we’re sure as hell not going back to school to prove it!).

[DISGRASIAN™: AOTW - Dartmouth Prez Jim Yong Kim]
[Dartmouth.edu: Dr. Jim Yong Kim Appointed 17th President Of Dartmouth College]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Philippine Government

January 30th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I found out a couple of weeks ago that I did my 2007 taxes wrong. I was surprised, y’know, cuz Asians just don’t do things incorrectly, like EVER. Okay, yeah, I worked on my forms myself instead of handing them off to an accountant (Dumb!), procrastinated until the very last minute (Stupid!), and hurriedly completed the form online while sitting in a Boston hotel with Jen, a night before speaking at the Harvard Berkman Center about our fun Internet lives.

Alright, I wasn’t that surprised that I did them wrong. I suck.

So, okay. The IRS wanted their money. Fair enough! Let them have my damn money and spend it on some Wall Street fat cat bonuses, if that’s what they want to do! I could deal with that. All it took was the signing of a check, the placing of a stamp, and on the day went. I’m not bleeding money, but when I owe a buck or two, I pay it. I show a little dignity for my errors.

And so I’ve gotta say, having, er, been there, that I am heavily disappointed in the Philippines (pardon the synechdoche here, friends in the Philippines) for dicking around on a millions-large amount of owed NYC property taxes for well over five years. The NYT reported this week that, after much toil, the country just reached a settlement with Manhattan regarding the dues, and has finally agreed to pay $9 million in back property taxes and interest . This amount is “about 85 percent of what the city had sought… for a building at 556 Fifth Avenue.”

Meanwhile, India and Mongolia, next up on my tsk list, are still in court dealing with equally enormous unsettled tax debts.

Sigh. Just write the check and place the stamp, guys. It’s the only way.

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Thanks, Jasmine and Patrick!

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Lena Chen

March 31st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Name: Lena Chen

Occupation: Harvard undergrad and blogger

Known for: Being the counterpoint in Sunday’s NYT Magazine story on college virgins who have made abstinence their cause and being, in her own words, “the Ivy League poster girl for sexual expression,” writing honestly about sex, depression, body image, double standards, and race on her blog, Sex and the Ivy, weathering being called a “slut” and a “whore” because of her frankness with a surprising amount of grace, especially for a college junior still trying to figure out who she is.

Brava, Lena!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Harvard and the Harvard Lampoon

January 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Veritas means “truth”


When I was growing up, three words were sacrosanct in my house: Hafo (Harvard), Yelu (Yale), and M.I.T. (granted, that’s an acronym, but the Massachusetts Institute of Technology is a cruel mouthful for immigrant parents whose second language is English). The first time I visited the East Coast, where my dad attended some physics conference, I toured the Harvard, M.I.T., and Brown campuses, and all I got was a lousy Harvard t-shirt. That seems significant in hindsight. I guess Harvard was, even in my world of Great Hardass Asian Expectations, the crème de la crème.

Four years later, when it came time to apply to colleges, I knew that applying early bettered your chances of getting accepted, and you could only do that for one school, so I chose Yale. It was completely random and I still don’t know why that became my first choice. I am convinced that being first-generasian from a bumfuck Texas town helped get me in, and once that happened, I was so shocked, bewildered, and stoked that I didn’t consider other colleges (even though it nearly cost my parents their house and I immediately went into heavy student debt).

I never perceived any real difference between the two universities, unlike my roommate Mimi’s Hardass Asian Mom, who thought Yale was a safety school and was disappointed for four years that her daughter hadn’t gotten into the big H. The Harvard-Yale game always sucked, because the football sucked, the cheerleaders sucked, the marching bands sucked (on purpose in Yale’s case), the crowd chants sucked, and I’ve always maintained that tailgating–the raison d’etre of that game–is for football pussies. But I could never quite muster up the energy to yell, “Harvard Sucks.”

Diana thinks that Harvard grads have limp handshakes (sorry RJ and Kathy), but I know plenty of “Yalies” (vomits in mouth) who do, too. Because of my early indoctrinasian, I’ve only held Harvard in high esteem–it was Yale in prettier environs–until this week, when I learned that the Harvard Lampoon named Paris Hilton “Woman of the Year.”

Now, for a little history of the award. Past Women of the Year include: Katharine Hepburn, Shirley Maclaine, Lauren Bacall, Julie Andrews, Carol Burnett, Liza Minnelli, Elizabeth Taylor, Lucille Ball, Jodie Foster, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, and Meryl Streep, to name a few.

More recent Women of the Year, like Scarlett Johansson and Halle Berry, may lack the talent of a Kate, Liz or Meryl, but at the very least, they are easy on the eyes.

But Paris Fuckin’ Hilton?!? Whose talents include cocksmoking in grainy homemade videos, flashing her cooter in public, drunk driving, and introducing the phrase “That’s hot” into our cultural vernacular? Paris Hilton with the lazy eye? What?!?

Is this one of those meta-things, which Ivy League whippersnappers are so damned fond of, like a joke of a joke?

Ha ha! Ha ha!

I still don’t get it.

I guess Harvard Sucks.

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