You are currently browsing posts tagged with Hardass Asian Parents

The Japanese Have A Special Word For Mom

December 14th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

As with every culture, the Japanese have words that are difficult to translate into other languages. Most well-known among them are honne, one’s “true feelings and desires,” and tatemae, “the behavior and opinions one displays in public.” There’s also a Japanese word, yoko meshi, for the “stress induced by speaking a foreign language.”

Then there’s this one from the 20 Awesomely Untranslatable Words from Around the World list:

But, see, here’s where I’m confused. Because I always thought the word for that person was just… “Mom”?

What you can't see in this picture is the invisible gun Mom's holding to her child's head.

[Matador Abroad: 20 Awesomely Untranslatable Words from Around the World]
[NPR: Translating the Untranslatable]

Thanks, Angela!

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The Chinese Build A 15-Story Hotel In 6 Days But Someone’s Not Impressed

November 12th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

The Chinese have set some kind of new record for efficiency by building a 15-story hotel in only 6 days. Watch this cool time-lapse video to see how it was done:

The Ark Hotel, in the city of Changsha, was constructed with all prefab materials and is soundproofed, thermal-insulated, and reportedly capable of withstanding a magnitude 9 earthquake. The construction workers who put it together worked until 10 pm every night, and none were injured in the building process.

To me, this hotel is the paragon of Asian-ness, in its show-off-y efficiency–it was prefab, inexpensive, quickly-built, and generated only 1% construction waste–but I happen to know one Asian person who’s not so impressed by it.

That is Hardass Asian Parenting to the core!

Oh yeah, you built a building in 6 days?  SOFA KING WUT? And, while we’re on the subject, why couldn’t you do it in 5?!

[Yahoo News: Chinese workers build 15-story hotel in just six days]

Thanks to my Hardass Asian Daddy!

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The First And Last Time I Went As A “Sexy (Something)” For Halloween

October 29th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Jen

I had just moved to a new town and was still in the process of making friends.

My cat, Jimmy, had run away in the move.

I was living in a shitty neighborhood where people were always coming and going so no one bothered to keep their grass green or their house paint from peeling.

I was into this guy, Chris, who was so not into me.

I was feeling vulnerable and alone.

And, yes, I was desperate for attention.

Continue reading The First And Last Time I Went As A “Sexy (Something)” For Halloween

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Is There Any Tougher Critic Than Your Hardass Asian Mom?

October 14th, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Jen

Y’all. If you’ve ever thought your own Hardass Asian Mom was tough on you, more often your toughest critic than your biggest fan, quicker to point out your failings than your strengths, more likely to greet you with a laundry list of reasons as to why you fell on your face when you fell on your face rather than a band-aid for your boo-boo-ed ego, then the letter below is for you.

But first, some background. Eddie Huang (pictured) is the Taiwanese American chef/owner of two restaurants in New York, Baohaus and the recently opened Xiao Ye. Xiao Ye received a terrible review in the NY Times this week, wherein Sam Sifton, while lauding some of Huang’s dishes, compared the taste of one dish to that of “cardboard and water,” and wrote that another “might have been made by your college roommate in a borrowed Crock-Pot one night over winter break, then discarded in favor of Greek pizza from that place out by the discount liquor store.” E.T. said OUCH!

On the heels of this, Huang’s HAM–who taught him how to cook–weighed in by email, which he published on his blog, Fresh Off The Boat:

Hi Eddie,
So what do you think about this review. I feel it is a review of your life. It sounds so familiar to The Food Net Work competition Judge’s comments. I guess you never registered all the opinions from those professionals who have seen so many people working toward their success. There is a reason why the other guy won. Good taste, Continue reading Is There Any Tougher Critic Than Your Hardass Asian Mom?

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The World Embraces Liu Wei, Armless Piano Player

October 11th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Perhaps, like me, you’ve already watched video of China’s Got Talent contestant Liu Wei, thanks to the magic of the Internet. Liu is a 23-year old musical prodigy who was electrocuted during a game of hide-and-seek at age 10, costing him his arms but not his passion for piano–he now plays miraculously with his toes.

Maybe, like me, you shared the video with everyone you knew, because the combo of Richard Clayderman tuneage and this adorable, spirited kid’s incredible story were simply too much to keep to yourself. And then of course you watched it with your parents; together you cried, commented, and mentally hugged (to actually hug might’ve been too awkward). And even though they thanked you for sharing the video with them, you could tell they were also wondering why, given your many lessons and ten fingers, you never made anything of your piano playing.

Continue reading The World Embraces Liu Wei, Armless Piano Player

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In The Event Of Our Murder, Immigrant-Hater Yeh Ling-Ling Will Say ‘I Told You So’ At Our Funerals

September 24th, 2010 | 17 comments | Posted by Jen

We’ve received all kinds of hate mail over the years, but we’ve never received hate mail from a past DISGRASIAN of the Weak.

Until now!

It’s too bad it took this long for a DOTW to push back, because the email below from anti-immigration crusader Yeh Ling-Ling is kind of the kitchen sink of hate mail, a terrific read with something for everyone: Accusations of jealousy!  Insults to our intelligence! History lessons!  Asian, African, and Latin American people stereotyped as violent mass murderers!  A portent of our own murders that sounds creepily like a death threat!

And how could I forget: The bringing of shame to our families!

Funny that she should mention our parents, because while my own read the blog, they rarely comment on posts, since they’re typically too busy with their choir practice and their potluck dinners and their taking of cruises to random places in the world. But it just so happens that my father wrote me right after we made Ms. Yeh–who’s made a career out of smearing immigrants as wasteful, violent job-stealers–DISGRASIAN of the Weak.

Below is a copy of his email (only his name and one line have been blacked out for privacy reasons):

Continue reading In The Event Of Our Murder, Immigrant-Hater Yeh Ling-Ling Will Say ‘I Told You So’ At Our Funerals

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Understanding Lisette Lee, The Week’s Most Fascinating Drug Mule

June 17th, 2010 | 8 comments | Posted by Diana

A 28-year-old California woman named Lisette Lee was busted by the feds after her chartered plane from LA landed in Columbus, Ohio this week–with over 13 suitcases of marijuana on it.

Should she be convicted, Lee could see 40 years in prison and up to $2 million in fines.

News organizations and expert sleuths like Gawker are already having a bonanza as they dig up everything relevant (and irrelevant, but wonderfully ridiculous) there is to know about this mysterious woman, who amazingly was able to keep her fake eyelashes on throughout her arrest and night in the clink, and might have more identities than Britney.

Highlights of what we currently know about Lee:

  • potentially an actress/model/recording artist/whatever (Ed. note–that might just be a reeeeeally bad mugshot)
  • was arrested with 3 cell phones, blow, weed, and drug deal ledgers in her bag
  • claims to be an heiress related to Samsung’s “Lee” family of Korea; they deny the relationship (although this is by no means an ironclad denial. It’s no secret that Hardass Asian Families will disavow you for like, failing a test. My HAPs would deny knowing me if I got a ticket for rolling past a stop sign.)
  • loooooooves eyeliner. Like LOOOOOOOOVES it.
  • seems all kinds of crazy (warranting comparisons to Tila Tequila)
  • seems to have a gift for embellishment (warranting comparisons to the Hipster Grifter)
  • has also been named in event photographs with the surname Morita (unnecessarily dragging Pat’s name into this mess)
  • apparently has a boyfriend in Columbus that she can’t or won’t name
  • organized this fourth drug run to Columbus for a “friend” who doled out $60k per trip (that’s the total budget for all other players involved, by the way, not her personal fee)
  • apparently willing to break federal law for measly tens of thousands, not realizing that a nice managerial job at Starbucks would have also provided her with benefits
  • currently sitting in jail awaiting a bond hearing that will take place tomorrow at 10am. It was postponed from today to allow Lee’s family time to travel to Columbus (this will NOT be pretty)

Sooooo much information! But I’ve still got one really, really important question: Where the fuzz is that 506 lbs. of ganj going?

[via Gawker]
[AP: Feds - Woman Took 506 Pounds Of Pot To Ohio On Jet]

Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Liveblogging The Karate Kid Remake With Jen’s Hardass Asian Mama

June 11th, 2010 | 32 comments | Posted by Jen

Any use of inappropriate cultural terms or conflation with the original movie is entirely intentional:

The Karate Kid (Jaden Smith) and his Mom (Taraji Henson) are leaving Detroit. Lest you think this is a single black mom/deadbeat dad scenario, we’re told upfront that the Karate Kid’s Dad is dead…period. Detroit is portrayed as a gray, dismal city full of shuttered storefronts. This is America in our continued state of joblessness, America in the 21st century, America on the decline. But China, where they’re headed for Mom’s work, is the land of opportunity, the land of now, the land on the up-and-up, or, as the Karate Kid’s Mom puts it, “a magical new land,” like unicorns live there or something.

The Karate Kid tries out his Mandarin on the Asian dude sitting across the aisle from him on the plane. “Dude, I’m from Detroit,” the Asian dude says. Light laughs from the audience, which is mostly made up of families with tween children and some creepy older loners who probably wanted to be Daniel-san back in the day. My Hardass Asian Mom (HAM) approves of this joke: “Not all Chinese or Asian looking guy speaks Chinese, this is true.

Meanwhile: Where is my Bananarama remix???

When the Karate Kid and his Mom arrive at the airport, their lady driver is holding a sign Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Liveblogging The Karate Kid Remake With Jen’s Hardass Asian Mama

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Foulmouth Strikes Again

June 11th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Angry Asian Man posted this fabulous instructional video, which is part of a series that aids grownup Korean speakers in pronouncing the more, er,  important words of the English language: the bad ones!





Nothing warms my heart more than hearing a Hardass Asian Grownup drop an f-bomb or call someone “you fucking bitch”–or reach my father’s apex of frustration: “Oh, shit” (it only happens when he makes an anomolous mistake, like losing his keys).

And so my only hope is that more Koreans will immerse themselves into this line of study. And that such tutorials will soon be created for ma peeps the Vietnamese, Jen’s peeps the Chinese, and all of y’alls peeps as well!

I also see this tutorial as a bit of a backdoor guide to reading DISGRASIAN, properly prepping little old ladies using umbrellas as parasols and friends from our parents’ singing groups to join us in a dialogue about fucking burritos and declaring the world’s biggest asshole–and, if we’re lucky, helping us cut a few fuckers’ dicks off. That’s the fucking shit!

It’s a generasian bridge, so to speak. And a damn fine one at that.

[via Angry Asian Man]
[Anderson English for Korea]

Source
Thanks, Chris!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Softass Asian Parents

May 28th, 2010 | 8 comments | Posted by Diana

By now you may have seen the Internet-famous photos of Ardi Rizal, a 2-year-old Indonesian boy with a 2-pack-a-day habit.

Bad parenting blows

Although we will admit he’s got a pretty cool smoking style (very Goodfellas! Oh I kid, I kid), photos of the tot on a little truck actually reveal a really frightening fact–Rizal’s smoking has affected his health so much that he can barely move himself without those plastic wheels.

Homeboy is a smoker. And his parents apparently can’t–or won’t–do anything about it.

From Daily Mail:

“[D]espite local officials’ offer to buy the Rizal family a new car if the boy quits, his parents feel unable to stop him because he throws massive tantrums if they don’t indulge him.

His mother, Diana, 26, wept: ‘He’s totally addicted. If he doesn’t get cigarettes, he gets angry and screams and batters his head against the wall. He tells me he feels dizzy and sick.’

Ardi will smoke only one brand and his habit costs his parents £3.78 a day in Musi Banyuasin, in Indonesia’s South Sumatra province.”

So waaaaaaaitaminute. This TODDLER has no degrees, no job, no promise of athletic glory or public office. He costs his parents £4 a day because he’s picky about his pack and his dad doesn’t see a problem? Who’s the boss here? If my late Hardass Asian Grandma read about this situation, she’d probably smack me just to make sure I didn’t get any wild ideas!

But anyway, here’s a solution: Let’s get Cesar Millan over to Indonesia to rehabilitate this little smoke fiend and train those parents! Sheesh.

[Daily Mail: Too Unfit To Run - Two-Year-Old Who Smokes 40 Cigarettes A Day Puffs Away On A Toy Truck]

Source
Thanks, Heather!

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Hate Your Hardass Parents? Auction Off Your Virginity On Reality TV

May 13th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Even after I give birth to my first child, I’m pretty sure I’m going to tell my mom and dad that I’m a virgin. It’s like, my duty as the fourth child of two Hardass Asian Parents (who, as far as I know, are also virgins). It’s how we roll, yo. We’re expected to avoid dating but marry someone rich and virile, have babies without ever making sweet monkey love, and teach our kids to do the same.

So the first thing I thought when I read on HuffPo that an Aussie producer put together a cast willing to auction off their virginities to the highest bidder for a reality TV show was: I’ll be damned if there’s an Asian-Australian on that show!!! Hardass Asian Parents would go ape shit.

Apparently, all of the parents are pretty unhappy about the show’s concept.

Continue reading Hate Your Hardass Parents? Auction Off Your Virginity On Reality TV

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So Your Mom Is A Fob. What’s Your Dad’s Story?

May 4th, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Diana

We never tire of the Hardass Asian mama-isms collected on our favorite user-generated blog, My Mom Is A Fob. But a visit to the site sometimes leaves us wanting for more, especially for nods to our beloved papas*. Enter the best thing that ever happened to our Tuesday, High Expectations Asian Father. Their brilliant logline: “The meme dedicated to the bitchiest parents in the world. Too bad we love them.” It’s like I Can Haz Cheezburger, but from the voice of your beady-eyed, higher-educated, dissatisfied chromosome donor.

How does he respond to affection? Should be no surprise.

Is he proud of your success? Damn straight.


Continue reading So Your Mom Is A Fob. What’s Your Dad’s Story?

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