DISGRASIAN™

David Choe Inspiring A Generation Of Asian Kids To Ditch Pre-Med For Art

Hardass Asian Parents, take note.

You can be an artist, and still rule at the maths. That’s true, at least, in the case of Korean American graffiti artist David Choe, who painted the walls of Facebook’s first corporate headquarters back in 2005. Instead of taking cash for his work, Choe chose to be paid in Facebook stock, even though he thought Facebook was “ridiculous and pointless” at the time. (This was his right brain talking. His left brain, meanwhile, was ignoring the right brain as it crunched the numbers.) As Facebook prepares to go public at a valuation between $75 and $100 billion, Choe’s stock will reportedly be worth $200 million.

Now that Choe no longer has to rely on art to pay the bills, he’s free to pursue his real dream…of becoming a doctor!

[NYT: From Founders to Decorators, Facebook Riches]

Filed under: Artists, Asian American Artists, David Choe, Facebook, Facebook IPO, Facebook Stock, Graffiti Artists, Hardass Asian Parents' Nightmares, Hardass Asian Parents' Wet Dreams, Korean-Americans, Mark Zuckerberg, OGs, Payouts, Really Smart People

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Shhhhhhhh-E-X

I spent most of today trying to remember what my official  “birds and bees” talk was like. My memory was just so fuzzy—didn’t my mom walk into my room one day during junior high, sit down on my bed, pat the seat next to her, and ask if I’d been feeling a little different lately? Something like that?

Oh wait, that was a Full House episode or something. My mom never gave me the talk. Like, NEVER. We NEVER TALKED ABOUT SEX.

I mean, when my sister ran away from the house her senior year in ’88 to stay with her awesomely white trash boyfriend’s awesomely white trash family, a long period ensued during which my aunts and mom would call each other from their respective homes in Michigan, Indiana, Missouri and California to speak in hushed tones about the filthy indiscretions. “Your sister, she lays with boys,” my aunt said to me while I was playing with my Barbies. “No man will ever marry her.” (She was wrong, by the way.)

When I was 17 and snuck my then-beau up into my second-story Southern California bedroom, my mom became suspicious at a noise and barreled down the hall, bursting through my door. He swiftly jumped to a hiding spot and I was discovered alone, laying awkwardly atop my fully made bed in a star-patterned bra and panties, looking guilty. My mom was confused and disturbed. She looked me in the eye and said, “You’re… I… I know what you do.” She left the room with no further talk about sex, even though my night probably included it.

I think the conversation, if we’d ever had one, would have been one-sided: “Don’t have sex.” Conversation over.

Hyphen Magazine recently addressed this kind of no-talk policy in an article called “Asian-American Women Who Accept Abortion as a Way Out.” Writer Lisa Wong Macabasco explores how deeply ingrained the denial of sex is in Asian cultures, and how categorical aversion to sex (or proof of it) has shaped generous Eastern attitudes towards drastic measures like abortion over generations. In short: abortion is less shameful than the truly disgraceful act that it functions to hide, sex.

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Shhhhhhhh-E-X

Filed under: Abortion, Aunts, Awkward Moments, Culture Clashes, Denial, Hardass Asian Parenting, Hardass Asian Parents' Nightmares, Hyphen Magazine, Let's Talk About Sex Baby, Sex, The Birds And The Bees, The Talk

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Asian Guidos, aka "Guasians"

Name: The Asian Guido, aka the “Guasian”

Age: Pushing 30

Occupation: Singlehandedly keeping hair gel-manufacturers in business

Known for: Being the only Guido in da club whose face turns red after a couple of Jagerbombs, achieving a manscaped chest the natural way (i.e. by doing nothing), dancing badly, ditching school in favor of the gym, defying his Hardass Asian Parents’ lofty expectations that the next generation have a better life than they did, a seamless and dare we say artful assimilasian into the local culture.

For more pics of Guasians in their natural habitat, click here.

[via BuzzFeed, of course]

Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: Asian Guido, Asian Guidos, Assimilation, Bad Dancing, Guasians, Guidos, Hair Gel, Hardass Asian Parents' Nightmares, Jagermeister, Manscaping

The Smokeless Smoke

A Chinese company, Ruyan Ltd. Group, has developed an electronic cigarette that allows you to check your Tweets, log onto Facebook, send an IM, and enjoy a smokeless smoke. Sound too good to be true? Well, it is, except for the smokeless smoke part. Ruyan–which means “like smoking”–produced its first e-cigarette in 2004, using a patented technology that dissolves nicotine in a cartridge and then pumps it out in a vapor that resembles smoke. An LED light simulates a real cigarette’s ember tip so you don’t look like a complete tool sucking on it. While the battery-operated Ruyan V8 ain’t cheap ($240 for the cigarette, batteries, and 20 cartridges of nicotine solution), some see it as a safer-alternative to smoking.

Pick yr poison

David Sweanor, an adjunct law professor at Ottawa University and former legal counsel of the Non Smokers Rights Association in Canada, said:

“It’s the delivery system that’s killing people. Anytime you suck smoke into your lungs you’re going to do yourself a great deal of damage. Nicotine has some slight risks but they are minor compared to the risk of smoke in cigarettes.“

Still, the e-cigarette has yet to be approved by the FDA or your Hardass Asian Mother.

Source

Filed under: China, E-Cigarette, Electronic Cigarette, FDA, Hardass Asian Parents' Nightmares, Health, Innovation, Nicotine, Ruyan Ltd Group, Ruyan V8, Smokeless Smoke, Thank You For Smoking

Miss Take

10 THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH THIS MOMENT:

1) As you know, I speak from firsthand experience: beauty pageants are fucktarded.

2) Girls that sound like the midget from Twin Peaks should not take part in the interview portion of any pageant.

3) “Best in Swimsuit” only gets you two things in life: points in a beauty pageant and tappin’ from the back. Both will probably lead you into a tumultuous relationship with Travis Barker.

4) The father of any 17-year-old who has been seen by more than 0 people in a gold bikini loses a year off of his life. Are you happy now?

5) The Hardass Asian Parents of any person who does not answer “What role did your family play in [insert anything]” by immediately saying, “My mother and father worked so hard all their lives, sacrificing so much, so that I could be healthy, get a good education, acquire many talents, and succeed. With them I would be nothing, and I do everything to honor them out of gratitude” loses 5 years off of their lives. Are you happy now???

6) Nervous laughs make me nervous.

7) Being Asian means never having to say, “I’m so sorry.” Partly because you never do anything to be sorry about; partly because even if you did so something sorry-worthy, you still wouldn’t say it.

8) Excuses are for mediocre people. My grandpa never said, “this is my first attempt at fleeing a war-torn country, sooooo sorry it’s rough around the edges!” And the only people that say “I’m only 17″ because they can’t answer a simple question are the same kind that celebrate getting their GED while pregnant.

9) Pretty, dumb girls WIN AT LIFE ALL THE TIME. And this pageant was no different.

10) I’m still bitter about never getting to wear a cubic zirconium crown.

Source Source Source

Filed under: Beautiful Filipina Women, Hardass Asian Parents' Nightmares, Pageants Are a Joke, Really Dumb People, Travis Barker, Twin Peaks

We’re Goin’ Downtown to Check Check Check Out the Sights

The New York Daily News reported yesterday that the MTA is pissed because four women pole-danced in the subway to bitchin’ 80′s hits and filmed it for ten grand offered by video-sharing and daring site darejunkies.com. The vid has become a big YouTube hit, and you’ll see that the hyperflexible “Pole-ite” girls do have impressive skills, but mostly I love it for the crowd reaction shots:

When interviewed about the escapade, Jessica Wu, the NYU alum dressed as a naughty schoolgirl–which, in this case, was kinda working for her–said, “Don’t tell my mom.” But after seeing her do the splits on the N train floor–braving god-knows-what-kind-of-microbes and a groin injury–I have to think, at the very least, that even her Hardass Asian Mother would be somewhat impressed.

Filed under: Hardass Asian Parents' Nightmares, Naughty Schoolgirls, Pole Dancing, Pole-ite Girls, The MTA Should Be Stoked