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Forget Tiger Moms. Growing up, it was my Hardass Asian Dad who was the scary one with all of the obscure rules. No comedies. No cheerleading. No shirts down to there or skirts up to here. Math workbooks and book reports over the summer. Scientific American as required reading–in the 3rd grade. Awkward hugs, if you were lucky, but mostly firm patting on the shoulder and back to show affection.
He could cut you with a look. He could give you the silent treatment for days, weeks even.
And yet, over time, he’s the one who’s gone soft. He’s the one who sends the corny e-cards. He’s the one who cries when my parents watch Korean soap operas together while my Mom gently pokes fun at him. He’s the one who melts at the sight of babies. Even as I write this, he’s downstairs in my house having a Downton Abbey viewing marathon, I shit you not.
Who knew that my Hardass Asian Dad would become this guy?
Cuddly, gentle, hooked on Masterpiece Classics.
The hugs, though, they’re still awkward, so at least I know aliens didn’t snatch his body.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad, you Hardass-Turned-Softie! And to all of you other daddies out there–hardass or no!
Like my Dad’s shirt? It’s from the brilliant and talented Martin Hsu. Buy it HERE.
Hey look! It’s the mini-me versions of us…
…if we’d been raised in some fucked-up alternate universe where there are no rules, grades, or words like “unacceptable,” “disown,” and “failure”; no forced violin and piano lessons; no math workbooks during summer vacation; no aspirations for NASA or the Nobel; no Hardass Asian Dads forbidding hot pants, high-heeled boots, and hooker poses; no Hardass Asian Moms screaming at us about looking cheap, about how “low-class” tanning is and how make-up prematurely ages your skin not to mention how all this correlates–somehow, don’t ask–with poorer test scores, lower income, and an overall decrease in college, marriage, and life prospects, really.
[via I Hate My Parents]
Filed under: Creepy, FAIL, Failure, Hardass Asian Dads, Hardass Asian Fathers, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parenting, Hardass Asian Parents, Object Lessons, Paging Tiger Mom, Parenting FAIL, Pedobait, Raised by Wolves, Softass Asian Parents, Thank God for Our Hardass Asian Parents, Underachievers
The Chinese have set some kind of new record for efficiency by building a 15-story hotel in only 6 days. Watch this cool time-lapse video to see how it was done:
The Ark Hotel, in the city of Changsha, was constructed with all prefab materials and is soundproofed, thermal-insulated, and reportedly capable of withstanding a magnitude 9 earthquake. The construction workers who put it together worked until 10 pm every night, and none were injured in the building process.
To me, this hotel is the paragon of Asian-ness, in its show-off-y efficiency–it was prefab, inexpensive, quickly-built, and generated only 1% construction waste–but I happen to know one Asian person who’s not so impressed by it.
That is Hardass Asian Parenting to the core!
Oh yeah, you built a building in 6 days? SOFA KING WUT? And, while we’re on the subject, why couldn’t you do it in 5?!
Thanks to my Hardass Asian Daddy!
Filed under: 15 Story Hotel Built in 6 Days, Asians Hate Wastefulness, Building Feats, China, Chinese Build 15 Story Building in 6 Days, Efficiency, Hardass Asian Daddies, Hardass Asian Dads, Hardass Asian Fathers, Hardass Asian Parents, How To Impress Your Hardass Asian Parents--Oh Wait You Can't, Impossible Feats, Rapid Expansion, Records, Waste Not Want Not
We never tire of the Hardass Asian mama-isms collected on our favorite user-generated blog, My Mom Is A Fob. But a visit to the site sometimes leaves us wanting for more, especially for nods to our beloved papas*. Enter the best thing that ever happened to our Tuesday, High Expectations Asian Father. Their brilliant logline: “The meme dedicated to the bitchiest parents in the world. Too bad we love them.” It’s like I Can Haz Cheezburger, but from the voice of your beady-eyed, higher-educated, dissatisfied chromosome donor.
How does he respond to affection? Should be no surprise.
Is he proud of your success? Damn straight.
Continue reading So Your Mom Is A Fob. What’s Your Dad’s Story?
Filed under: Asian Parents Are Flawed Yet Lovable, Badass Asian Parents, Bitchy Parents, Disappointing Your Parents, Hardass Asian Dads, Hardass Asian Parents, High Expectations Asian Fathers, Hilarity, I Can Haz Cheezburger, My Mom Is a Fob, Parents, Tumblr, We Love Our Fathers
My dad went to medical school in Saigon. Like most skinny, starving, Vietnamese students in the 60s, he motored around on a really shitty motorized bicycle–while secretly coveting the sweet Italian Vespas and Lambrettas that spoiled-first-sons of Businessmen or government officials flaunted on the dusty roads. During my mod phase as a teen, I became obsessed with The Who’s iconic film Quadrophenia, and would often re-watch it with my dad, just to peek over and watch his eyes light up at the moment that Sting first rolls up on a pristine, ice-blue Vespa with about a jillion rear-view mirrors attached.
There’s a part of me that has always wanted to buy my dad a scoot to ride around (not one of the new ones, but a restored vintage piece in like, royal blue) now. I have fantasies about us entering scooter rallies together and wearing matching helmets. But a part of me knows that the cranky ol’ surgeon who won’t drive faster than the speed limit on the freeway doesn’t have the same need for 2-wheeled glory that he did fifty years ago.
More importantly, I have a fantastically cool image of him riding back in the day burned into my brain: a broke, cigarette-smoking, stick figure of a young man relishing the independence and power of even a crappy bike with a battery attached–it’s so aloof and slick and awesome that I would never want to alter it with the reality of my dad hooting, “Whooooa! Ohhh! No!” while wobbling around the cul-de-sac on a creaky little Vespa today.
But as cucumber-cool as I’m convinced my pops looked on his bike, I’m pretty sure he never rode like this Chinese guy, who Buzzfeed posted riding a moto side-saddle for an astoundingly long period of time:
Continue reading Stay Cool
Filed under: Awesome Chinese Behavior, Awesome Images, Before they were Hardass Asian Parents, Being Cool, Bicycles, China, Cool Parentals, Coolest Asian Ever, Hardass Asian Dads, Lambrettas, Med Students, Mods, Motorcycles, Quadrophenia, Saigon, Scooters, Side-Saddle, Skinny Legs, SO COOL, Sting, The Sixties, The Who, Vespas, Vietnam, What Happens If He Sneezes?, Who Rides Like This?
Hails from: Seattle, WA
Occupation: Olympic short-track speed skater
Known for: Championship bling. After winning his seventh Olympic medal on Saturday night, becoming the most decorated American Winter Olympic athlete of all time. Proving that the time-tested technique of Hardass Asian Parenting, via single father Yuki, can pay off in spades. Showcasing excellent hip control. Somehow being extremely hot despite a chronic case of chin pubes.
Apolo’s name was derived from the Greek words “Ap,” (“steer away from”) and “lo,” Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Apolo Anton “What Seven Medals?” Ohno
Filed under: 2010 Olympics, 7 Olympic Medals, Apolo Anton Ohno, Apolo Anton Ohno Most Decorated Winter Olympian, Asians and Speed Skating, Awesomeness, Champions, Chin Pubes, Dancing With the Stars, Everybody Loves a Winner, Excellence, Hardass Asian Dads, Hardass Asian Parenting, Olympians, Seattle, Seven Olympic Medals, Speed Skating, the Olympics, Vancouver Olympics, Vancouver Winter Olympics, Winter Olympics, Yuki Ohno
We talk about our Hardass Asian Parents a lot, and the ways in which they, um,
pushed us to succeed molded us into perfectionists put us into therapy for life raised us, but the truth is, you don’t have to be Asian to be a Hardass Asian Parent. Take, for example, Ben Morrison.
Morrison, a web developer, created an iPhone app called Langu, because he and his wife adopted a daughter from Taiwan, and they wanted her to grow up fluent in both Mandarin and English. Cute, right?
But wait. There’s more. In addition to the app, Morrison told Wired‘s GeekDad that he also uses these tools to help his daughter learn what would’ve been her native tongue:
We do our best to expose her to many different channels of learning the language, like Mandarin immersion preschool, Chinese picture books, even bootleg “Dora the Explorer” translated into Chinese.
Mandarin immersion preschool AND Chinese picture books AND bootleg “Dora the Explorer” videos translated into Chinese AND you write your own iPhone language app for toddlers that features a “Quiz” mode?!
Not content to sit on his laurels (or let his daughter sit on hers, either), Morrison has other educational iPhone apps in the works:
I’ve been kicking around some ideas for other iPhone apps, most of them center around something I want Violet to learn… probably reading or math next. And of course, if Langu’s well received, I’d like to make more versions… I’d want to tackle Arabic or Hindi next—I like typography, and am easily excited by non-Latin characters.
Good lord, this guy makes my own Hardass Asian Dad, who used to make me go to Chinese school occasionally, do math workbooks over summer vacation, and write up reports on what I’d read in Scientific American, look downright soft.
Hardass Parents of All Stripes: The Langu Mandarin iPhone app is available here.
My dad is a General Surgeon, and for years I thought that meant he was just an everyday Surgeon General, going to work and telling people stuff like, “Smoking causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy.”
I remember finally realizing that when he went to work, he cut people open to save their lives and stuff, which sounded a bit cooler. But then I found out that the Surgeon General was this big, important spokesman job with the PHSCC, and was like, “Sounds great! Why don’t you go do that instead??”
My dad, uh, apparently had no interest in being the federal government’s go-to doc. But CNN’s amazian Sanjay Gupta did, and because he was on Obama’s short list for the job, we at DISGRASIAN were brimming with excitement.
Sadly, though, we just learned that the doctor has withdrawn his name from consideration.
“Sanjay Gupta was under serious consideration for the job of surgeon general,” [an Obama administration] official said in an e-mail. “He has removed himself from consideration to focus more on his medical career and his family. We know he will continue to serve and educate the public through his work with media and in the medical arena.”
URGGGG. What a huge bummer! And while we kinda believe that Dr. Gupta doesn’t want to make the career leap because he’s a family man, there’s a teeny-weeny part of us that thinks that ain’t the real reason.
Perhaps he really hates to lose. Could it be that he withdrew his name to avoid the remote possibility that he not be chosen? That would definitely mean: he ain’t gonna be the Surgeon General, but he sure as hell is Asian.