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Happy birthday to Dean Cain, who will turn 44 on Saturday!
I remember the first time I laid eyes on this warm-skinned, super-duper man on a classic episode of 90210 when he was the gullible, white-toothed, sexy-eyed Wisconsin boy that bought Brenda Walsh’s bad French act one summer in Paris. I couldn’t believe a guy so dumb and wholesome could also be wicked hot and intriguing, but oh, how he was.
Time has treated this hapa well, which makes me very happy. Why oh why did I ever stop stalking this guy?
Network television’s worst inside joke-turned-joke-turned-running joke-turned-joke pitch-turned pitch treatment-turned-idea going up the chain-turned-pilot order-turned-IDIOTIC DRIVEL THAT SOMEHOW SAW NETWORK AIRTIME ON ABC AND RESULTED IN A SERIES ORDER aired this week, and I missed it. Oh, darn.
Here’s the concept: Five single ladies choose from thirty single guys in a conveyor belt white elephant party. That is all you need to know.
That’s right, I watched it. And so can you:
Keep your eyes on Keiko during this episode. She’s bratty, opinionated, languid, not terribly bright and too pretty for her own good–also the first to proclaim disinterest in the “Filipino Criss Angel” on the belt, which may make you mad until you realize he sucks.
Keiko is a player-lover who chooses a hard body over intellect, disses the hot engineer with the 5 o’clock shadow in favor of an oily Speedo-wearer with a chihuahua, loves screwing, and in general gives this show the credit and seriousness it deserves–next to none. All in all, she’s the best part of the show (“Show” being an incredibly generous term, by the way).
The AP reports today that “Jessica Biel wants respect as an actress.” Here’s a picture of her all wet and bothered, demanding her due:
And here’s a picture of me again, playing Erasure’s “A Little Respect,” on the world’s smallest violin.