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Why She’s a Babe: While Anna Maria is best known for her work in tween vehicles such as Hannah Montana (in which her character tortured Miley Cyrus–a plus in our book) and Camp Rock, what we love about the 18 year-old–who is of Filipino, Irish, and Spanish descent–is her knowing look. She looks like she knows something that you don’t and she may never tell you what that is. And that’s a refreshing departure from all of those tween stars past and present who withhold nothing and are constantly trying to bare all (ahem, Lindsay).
Of course we’ll eat our words if nude Anna Maria pics hacked from her cell phone ever emerge, but until that sad, desperate moment, we’ll look forward to seeing her big-screen debut in the remake of one of our fave movies of all time, Fame, so that we, along with everyone else, can remember, remember, remember her (rather long and involved) name.
In response to Miley “Chink-Eye” Cyrus threatening to “ruin” Radiohead after they refused to meet her backstage at the Grammys, the band said through a spokesperson Friday, “When Miley grows up, she’ll learn not to have a sense of entitlement.” They also added, “Another thing she won’t have when she grows up? A career.”*
*That was implied. Duh.
Filed under: As If Radiohead Could Get Any Cooler, Disney Sucks, Entitlement, Hannah Montana, Kanye West, Miley Cyrus Chink Eye, Miley Cyrus Makes Fun of Asians, Public Feuds, Radiohead v. Miley Cyrus, Thom Yorke
If this kid isn’t DISGRASIAN’s love child…
You fucking rule, kid.
We’ve been wrong all along. It has quickly become clear that we at DISGRASIAN are the ones that owe you an apology (or a number of them) regarding the “photo of you and your friends,” rather than the other way around. Whoopsie!
Let’s begin: We’re awfully sorry if we called bullshit on the first apology you circulated, addressing the chink-eye photos that have been swirling around the Internet for over a week. We’re sorry if, as evidenced by your second apology, you can’t fucking read.
Like you, we’re sorry “if” we were offended by the photos, if we happen to find mockery of our slitty eyes and chinky buck teef, like, insulting. We’re sorry if we didn’t understand at first that GOD’s plan is for you to be an insensitive, ignorant, good-for-nothing, alienating ingrate. We’re sorry if your face is really naturally goofy (like ours!). We’re sorry if we’re convinced that you are slightly inbred. We’re sorry if it took you half a millisecond to grow “embarassed” and apologize to your fans for the “racy” (eh–we’re not convinced) Annie Leibovitz photos in June 2008′s Vanity Fair, yet you and your bullshit PR team can’t deign to officially deal with these “racist” photos in any kind of decent way. We’re sorry if we believe that Disney is evil, and y’all are proof positive of that.
Moreover, we’re sorry if wrath rains down upon your prett–er, your little head. We’re sorry if one day you happen to find yourself lost in the dark, pummeled by hail, caught up in a horde of locusts, covered in blood and boils, or attacked by frogs and flies. We’re sorry if you end up like Britney–bald, bloated, and crazy. We’re sorry if you find out soon that your model boyfriend doesn’t like girls in “that way.” We’re sorry if your dad has chin pubes. We’re sorry if we still have no idea what you’re famous for.
We’re so sorry, Miley. Anyway, we’ve gotta get back to our busy lives of stuff and stuff! Yayy! =] Here’s a goofy face for the road!!!
I shouldn’t be expected to understand the Miley Cyrus thing: I don’t think I pay for the Disney channel, I’m not eleven years old, and I certainly don’t find Billy Ray’s chin-pube influence to be at all acceptable. All signs point to “no” with the little butterface. Can she sing? Sorta. Can she dance? Kinda. Is she gentle on the eyes? Hardly. So there you go. I DON’T GET HER.
It’s not that I’m totally out of touch with tween culture or Disney’s brilliant machine, guys. The wild success of the Jonas Brothers totally makes sense to me. Sure, they make terrible music. Yes, their pants are too tight and I’m not at all comfortable with their penchant for ill-fitting vests and high boots. And okay, if they never perform at another football halftime show, it’ll be too soon. But these boys, with their pretty little koala faces, are so damn sugary and cute that they’re impossible for the little ladies to resist. That I can accept. A girl’s gotta have somebody to doodle about in her easy-lock diary, for crying out loud. Give ‘em three cute brothers.
But this Miley girl–whose given name isn’t even Miley (“Miley” was apparently short for, er, “Smiley”–a nickname adopted by her parents)–this girl is not cute. As far as I can tell on the Interwebz, she’s basically just average in every single possible way. Let’s be honest, homegirl has a face that only a chin-pubey, too-close dad can be expected to love (by the by, few others seems willing to say such things because she’s just a young thing, and it’s wrong to judge the little ones harshly… but I’m an asshole, and after I see enough Internet photos of a chick in her underwear I no longer regard her as “little,” and overall I just don’t care).
But while we’re on the subject of faces, y’know, it occurs to me that I’ve always meant to give the little lass some advice on the face she seems to make most repeatedly in photographs (usually self-snapped). It’s an awkward, puckery, duck face. An unflattering pout, if you will.
My advice would be: Always make a nice face in photos. If you were a person with a cute face, it would be all about angles. If your head was cute but a little round, you’d be wary not to let your full moon take over a picture. But if you’re like, really grim, as in your case, and have got a truly tragic mug, always, ALWAYS opt for pretty expressions. Don’t dick around with icky faces–you can’t pull it off. And when assessing your look, always trust a picture. Never trust your ego. Your ego will likely tell you: You’re famous! That means you’re gorgeous! But your ego will be wrong.
‘Cuz then you’ll have but a moment to get out of my face, before Jen and I decide that we’re ready to bust up your face. And it will be the most unfortunate situasian you’ve ever had to face.
And two bitches you don’t ever want to face, face-to-face… are us.
Hmm…perhaps Miley Cyrus really is a Harajuku Lover. Compare the photo of Miley taken yesterday on the Malibu set of her Hannah Montana movie with the photo of one of the Harajuku Girls winding it up at the 2006 American Music Awards:
Filed under: Disney, Free the Harajuku Girls, Gwen Stefani, Hannah Montana, Harajuku Haters, Harajuku Lovers, Malibu, Miley Cyrus, Racial Drag, Transformasian, Turning Japanese, White Girl's Overbite, Wind It Up