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It occurred to me this morning that every other Asian brotha–and some sistas–on the Halloween-celebrating planet will probably be going as PSY this year. (And, as a Twitter friend pointed out, those who don’t will likely have “Oppa Gangnam Style” shouted at them anyway. Cringe.) Idolator’s posted a handy How-To Guide on how to dress like the Most Famous Asian of 2012, including where to buy that iconic powder-blue tux.
Idolator even details where to buy PSY’s lady posse outfits, though going as somebody’s backup dancer for Halloween when you could be anything else in the world seems particularly weak sauce, on the same spectrum of creativity as all Sexy Whatever costumes.
And if there’s a Gangnam Style sidekick to be, wouldn’t it be way more fun to be the old lady in the visor on the bus?
This will inspire eyerolls from those with meme fatigue but, you know, I just had to.
Here’s a full-length shot:
Filed under: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, Grrrrr, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parents, Holidays, Memes That Won't Die, Tiger Mom, Tiger Mom Costume, Tiger Mother, Trick Or Treat, Ungrateful Children
The thing is, it’s actually kinda okay with us, so long as, in return, we can punch you in the geisha-face for looking like an asshole.
[via Angry Asian Man]
Filed under: Geishas, Geishas Are Tired, Halloween, I Believe That Children Are Our Future, Racial Drag, Racial Drag on Halloween, Racist Halloween Costumes, Students Teaching About Racism In Society Ohio University, We're A Culture Not A Costume, White Geishas
I had just moved to a new town and was still in the process of making friends.
My cat, Jimmy, had run away in the move.
I was living in a shitty neighborhood where people were always coming and going so no one bothered to keep their grass green or their house paint from peeling.
I was into this guy, Chris, who was so not into me.
I was feeling vulnerable and alone.
And, yes, I was desperate for attention.
Filed under: Bad ideas, Cosplay, Desperate For Attention, Fetishes, French Maids, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Hardass Asian Parents, Have You Checked the Children?, Holidays, Pedobait, Sexy Halloween Costumes, Sexy Halloween Costumes Are For Stupid Chicks, Trick Or Treat, Tricksters
With Halloween right around the corner, a lot has been said already about the latest crop of costumes–from the good to the bad to the offensive. An Illegal Alien costume, which was pulled from the shelves of Target and Walgreens this week after complaints from immigrant rights groups, seems to be this year’s undisputed winner in the last category.
Description: Your cutie will look vibrant and colorful in this Chinese themed dog dress! Features an adorable Asian floral print on magenta with faux thread Chinese toggles on the back and white satin trim.
Filed under: Costumes, Geishas, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Illegal Immigrasian, Immigrant Rights, Immigrants, People as Accessories, Pet Costumes, Pimps, Racial Drag, Racist Gear, Racist Halloween Pet Costumes
Lessons learned from yesterday’s Balloon Boy incident…
1) It only took one person to start the rumor–and the ensuing media frenzy we all used as an excuse to blow off work Thursday–that 6 year-old Falcon Heene was up in that shiny, oversized-birthday balloon. And that person was Falcon’s older brother, 9 year-old Bradford.
LESSON LEARNED: We should never believe anything that comes out of children’s mouths.
2) When the Heene family was later interviewed by Wolf Blitzer on Larry King Live, little Falcon dropped a bombshell that suggested the day’s events had been nothing but a carefully-planned hoax: “We did this for the show.”
LESSON LEARNED: We should believe everything that comes out of children’s mouths.
3) On Friday morning, when the Heene family was gently pressed by a kindly Meredith Vieira on The Today Show about Falcon’s bombshell statement, the 6 year-old vomited not once, but twice (around the 6:28 mark).
LESSON LEARNED: Vomiting on cue, unlike crying on cue, is a majorly underrated talent.
LESSON LEARNED: Richard Heene is not as talented an actor as his puking-on-cue son, Falcon.
5) Our favorite blog patroness, Arianna Huffington, went on MSNBC’s The Ed Show Thursday afternoon to talk about this little thing called Afghanistan, but the interview was subsequently hijacked by the subject of Falcon Heene, who had, at that point, been found very much alive.
When Arianna, who later deemed Balloon Boy a “non-story,” asked host Ed Schultz, “Now that the little boy has been found, why are we still talking about it?” Schultz responded, somewhat scoldingly, that Balloon Boy was “a good lesson to parents across the country to make sure you always know where your kids are.”
LESSON LEARNED: On second thought, there are no lessons to be learned from Balloon Boy.
Sigh. Well, we may have learned nothing whatsoever from Balloon Boy…
Think about it. Run with the possibilities. Nay, fly! Fly on little Falcon Heene’s clipped wings!
LESSON LEARNED: When life hands you a Balloon Boy lemon, make Balloon Boy lemonade.
When Diana and I first saw a screen grab of the Michigan woman who refused to give out Halloween candy to the children of Obama supporters, we were, like, Aww sheeeit. Why did that crazazy, stingy witch have to be Asian?! It wasn’t just her features, but her steez–the jet black hair dye from a box, the frosted eye shadow extending from lid to brow, that hot pink Sexless Secretary blazer, the thin-lipped frown–that gave us scary PTSD flashbacks of our mothers in their darkest hours, sartorial and emotional.
After we watched the interview, however, we both breathed a huge sigh of relief. We’re pretty sure that the woman in the video, Shirley Nagel of Grosse Pointe, MI, isn’t Asian. It wasn’t just her features in action. It was our realization that, despite how our mothers thought neighborhood kids other than their own (and us, too, on occasion) were lazy, rude, loud, stupid, out-of-control, inferior, stuck-up, fat, and undisciplined, our moms were NEVER EVER this much of a cunty buzzkill on Halloween. A children‘s holiday. Where the only purpose of the holiday (other than getting unimaginative women to dress like sluts one day a year) is to give out candy. To, I repeat, children. On a day when these children are actually entitled to be lazy, rude, loud, stupid, out-of-control, inferior, stuck-up, fat, undisciplined, or anything else they damn well want to be. I mean, even our Hardass Asian Mothers knew that (why else would mine have let me go as a French maid in 6th grade?).
Nagel, meanwhile, strikes me as the 2.0 version of the asshole who puts razor blades in candied apples, which I always thought was an urban myth. Sadly, this particular asshole is all too real. And she’s voting for McCain.
The Today show crew dressed up as fairy tale characters for Halloween, and our favorite robot Ann Curry went as Cinderella, or, in her own words, “an ethnic J.Lo Cinderella.” While I’m glad she’s making a case for ethnic Cinderellas, she looks more like an ethnic J.Lo Cinderella’s evil stepmonster trying to upstage her stepdaughter at some royal event to which the evil stepmonster was charitably invited, despite being a raging shebitch who used to make Cindy scrub floors and clean toilets. Her Cinde-weave looks really grey. The cream color of her dress washes her out, too. And I don’t think anyone over the age of 6 should ever wear a ballgown, because they’re aging (whenever I watch the Oscars, I scream this all night long at the television), a problem that Ann doesn’t have in real life, making this costume all the more confounding.
Ah well. I suppose things could be worse. Like, say, having a big blue M&M for a ballsack.
When watching this Japanese re-creation of “We Are the World,” are you freaked out by all the blackface…
…or have you, too, always wanted to reenact this?
I love the Japanese Cyndi Lauper. I want to be her for Halloween.
DIANA: We don’t really talk much about the Olsen twins.
JEN: Wait, wait… it’s just “the Olsens” now. Silent “twins.”
DIANA: Right. We don’t talk about those dudes.
JEN: What’s there to say? They’re midgets, they’re probably still anorexic, they hate smiling with teeth, they have poor posture, they love coffee-to-go and fashion shows, it’s a wonder that they don’t ever topple over in those Balenciaga platforms.
DIANA: So they don’t bother you at all?
JEN: Hold on a minute. You know midgets scare me.
DIANA: That’s true.
JEN: But I do love me some Balenciaga.
DIANA: True! But they don’t really do anything. Besides go to lunch and grease up their hair and drink Venti drips from Starbucks, that is.
JEN: That Venti cup is so gauche. Who needs that much of a beverage? Ugh. That shit disgusts me.
DIANA: So we hate them?
JEN: I mean, I kinda nothing them. They do nothing. They nothing me.
DIANA: You did look kinda cute when you dressed up as Mary-Kate for Halloween.
JEN: I’m cute, though. It wasn’t the costume.
DIANA: Right. Y’know, MK has really improved with the slight weight gain. She’s look less like a homely skeleton freak show and more like a garden gnome these days.
JEN: You always did like Ashley better.
DIANA: She seemed more, y’know, together. More so than Mary-Kate at least [Makes cuckoo motion with finger around right ear]. But I’m coming around. I might even be starting to feel half-positive feelings for Mary-Kate.
[Diana shrugs shoulders]
JEN: [clicks on new paparazzi photo of MK leaving a West Village restaurant] Oh. Girl. Backtrack a bit. The gnome is rocking a little dragon lady racial drag underneath her fur.
DIANA: [Gasps] Fur and Racial Drag! A Double whammy! She should be shot.
JEN: Like that animal she’s wearing was.
DIANA: Don’t make me puke.
JEN: So MK makes our hitlist today. Thanks to the paparazzi photo.
DIANA: Tell me again why people take this girl’s picture?
We try to resist “Wacky Jap” stories here at DISGRASIAN because so many of them are xenophobic, ricist, repetitive, and just plain lame. The image of the Japanese screeching in castrato voices, giggling uncontrollably, and loving getting their balls slapped is as insidious as the Evil Chinaman-trying-to-poison-you stereotype that appears in the news on a daily basis.
But a New York Times story Saturday about one bizarre device that an “experimental fashion designer” has come up with to prevent crime in Tokyo broke our Wacky Jap moratorium. The device? A vending machine disguise.
This is how it works:
Deftly, Ms. Tsukioka, a 29-year-old experimental fashion designer, lifted a flap on her skirt to reveal a large sheet of cloth printed in bright red with a soft drink logo partly visible. By holding the sheet open and stepping to the side of the road, she showed how a woman walking alone could elude pursuers — by disguising herself as a vending machine.
The wearer hides behind the sheet, printed with an actual-size photo of a vending machine.
O-kay. Wacky, yes, considering the story states that crime in Japan is in decline, though social anxiety over it is clearly high. But, to be fair, vending machines are everywhere in Tokyo…Tsukioka may be on to something!
All I know is, I think I’ve figured out what I’m going as for Halloween. Ain’t nobody gonna steal candy from me that night!