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Hailey Glassman, Jon Gosselin’s jilted ex, tweeted a photo yesterday–obviously phony–of the “stubby” penis she shared with Kate Gosselin and a few other mediocre chicks. (Warning: DO NOT click the picture link if you throw up easily. Or if you’re at work.)
Let me first just say that as an admirer of fine penises, I am deeply offended by this photo.
And then I will add to that statement that CALLING YOUR FORMER RIDE “NASTY” SIMPLY SHOWS THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO SETTLE AND SMOOSH YOUR MOIST ORIFICES ON A SAD, HIDEOUS DICK. Such a statement shames you far more than the owner of said penis–he didn’t have a choice.
Augh, what a wicked game Glassman is playing. It’s a contest in which nobody wins. Especially not me. I feel like I need to take a shower and watch some good porn to wash this sad image away. Or borrow my friend’s copy of Guys Gone Wild. Or my sister’s old Playgirls.
Jeez, did I ever really think that Jon Gosselin was the biggest fame whore of this bunch?
Filed under: 15 Minutes of Fame, Airing Dirty Laundry, DISGWITTER, Famewhore Twitterers, Hailey Glassman, Hideous Dicks, Horrific Images, Jon Gosselin, Jon Gosselin's "Stubby" Penis, Kate Gosselin, Magic Weiner, Mediocre Chicks, Shameful Behavior, Shameful Sex Acts, Small Penis Jokes, Small Penises, Trash Talking, Tweets, Twitter
And you know what’s not tiny? The yeast infection I’m getting looking at those cheap hooker panties.
If you’ll excuse me…
Filed under: Cocks, Dicks, Hailey Glassman, Hooker Bitches, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Jon Gosselin Dick, Kiss-And-Tell, Magic Weiners, Mixed People, That's What You Get For Going Out With Hookers, Tiny Penises, Yuck
Jon Gosselin, who once “took a lot of abuse” from his estranged wife, Kate, is making some real changes in his life, taking the path to a stronger place.
For instance, as he told ParentDish, he is like, totally “together” with girlfriend Hailey Glassman. And he spends all his time with her ‘cuz she’s like, his best friend! And she’s sooooo different from Kate. She’s Jewish too, so he’s gotten really into Judaism–he like, loves challah bread–and is even looking into converting! Did we mention that Hailey is sooo different from Kate? Kate was mean! So was Christian Audigier! Anyway, he loves Hailey like, so much!
Jon Gosselin isn’t an asshole, he’s just a pussy. Somebody call me when this dude gets a scrotum and we’ll talk about whether or not he’s “changed.”
Star Magazine reporter Kate Major (pictured above) apparently resigned from her post today, noting a conflict of interest in working for the rag because she’s dating Jon Gosselin.
Meanwhile, Gosselin’s girlfriend from, uh, two weeks ago, Hailey Glassman, is still holed up in his NYC apartment–shocked and saddened to hear she’s been replaced.
MEANWHILE, Gosselin’s wife Kate is with the eight sperm sprouts (or “children,” if you prefer), who probably now spend most of their time wondering why Daddy smells like smoke, lives in the City, wears an earring and doesn’t love them anymore.
Excuse me, but what the hell does this guy have that’s so alluring? Baggage, a reality career, a wicked beer gut, mid-life issues, a receding hair line, marshmallow face, and a closet full of Ed Hardy? Oh… YAY. What a catch.
All I’m saying is, Jon Gosselin better have a 13-inch, rotund penis–or all of these chicks are absolutely certifiable.
Ruh-roh. Jon Gosselin has a PRoblem (that’s a PR-problem).
A month ago, when Kate filed divorce papers, Popeater conducted a poll, and the majority of people sided with Jon. But recently, they conducted the same poll, and the results flip-flopped.
Moving far away from your kids, trotting out your new 22 year-old girlfriend in the south of France, partying aboard a yacht, and looking like a douchetard one month after your divorce does not, as it turns out, make people love you.
Three weeks after his wife filed for divorce, Jon Gosselin took a weekend trip to St. Tropez with his 22 year-old girlfriend Hailey Glassman (not this one, this one), daughter of the surgeon who performed Kate’s tummy tuck, where they spent an afternoon on “designer” Christian Audigier’s yacht.
But the weekend wasn’t all about fun in the sun for DISGRASIAN’s favorite Puff Daddy, who’s reportedly working out some kind of endorsement deal with Audigier, the man behind Von Dutch, Ed Hardy, his own eponymous line, and those giant billboards around L.A. mourning the loss of Michael Jackson.
As next career moves go, Jon Gosselin shilling for an overpriced–the tee he was snapped wearing in St. Tropez, above, retails for $187–eye-assaulting douchewear emporium sounds just about right.