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Okay, a note to whoever cut the new NMA animasian detailing Paris Hilton’s arrest record in light of her recent guilty plea for coke possession: Please come work at DISGRASIAN. PLEASE. PLEASE. We can pay you in barbed compliments and brown liquor. And awkward hugs.
Here’s the piece I’m referring to:
What isn’t covered in the video is what happened the following day. Poor little Paris flew all the way to Tokyo to make promo appearances peddling her bag and fragrance lines, but was denied entry to Japan at Narita airport. According to HuffPo, “under Japanese law, immigration authorities are empowered to deny entry to those who have been convicted of drug-related offenses.”
Hilton’s rep, Dawn Miller, made a statement on the celebutard’s behalf:
“Paris was contractually bound to her business trip and didn’t want to let down her brands and many Asian fans. She intended on fulfilling her contract and is trying hard to do the responsible thing, but this is beyond her control. She is very disappointed by tonight’s events. Paris is shocked and apalled that a famous-for-nothing of her tenure might actually have to be accountable for her derelict actions, and face any sort of consequences for her incessant spittooeying in the face of the law.*”
Filed under: Accountability, Awesome Japanese Behavior, Celebutards, Drug Offenses, Famous-For-Nothings, Ha Ha, Japan, Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Detained At Narita Airport, Paris Hilton Sent Back From Japan, Paris Hilton Should Expire, Talentless White Girls
I have to say, when I read news today that a”hypermuscular” former FBI agent got busted for planning to murder people and attempting to rip off an Orange County drug courier–and was Vietnamese, my first thought was, “Wow, there was a Vietnamese FBI agent? Cool!” And my second thought was, “Oh man, he’s a totally crooked killer guy. Bad Vietnamese guy. Bad!” I know, I know.
But the disappointment only grew when I learned just how Vo Tran, the 40-year old that was fired by the FBI in 2003 for a number of offenses (including attempted bribery of a Vietnamese official) was harpooned.
From the Chicago Sun-Times:
Vo Duong “Ben” Tran, 40, told a government informant secretly recording him that he had been a sports bookmaker and wanted to kill people across the country who owed him money, including a man from Redlands, Calif., who was in debt to him for more than $200,000.
“I want blood,” Tran said, according to the government transcript. “I have to make sure it has to be done right because all my hits, they are clean.”
Um, I’ve never actually ordered a successful hit, and I am certainly not a former FBI agent that once investigated organized crime, but in my opinion, jabbering on to your hitman is just sloppy. Shouldn’t such experience make a person BETTER at crime? I guess he didn’t study that hard. Just sayin’!!
I guess now, homey isn’t just former-FBI, he’s also FUBARed.
When we learned that Scribner had inked a book deal with Tila Tequila, we laughed. Hard.
No, we don’t think it’s funny that Scribner thinks any fan of Tequila’s can read (“Hooking Up with Tila Tequila is the book her fans have been waiting for,” says the publisher’s release). And we certainly don’t find it laughable that the tome is to be called Hooking Up With Tila Tequila. What a clever title! We don’t even think that Tequila’s reasoning for penning her memoirs seem that unreasonable: “My fans write me every day with questions so I figured instead of responding and sitting there taking hours, I’ll just put all the answers in a book from all their questions” –because come on! Everybody knows that the best way to save a couple of hours is to write a book.
Scribner describes the insta-classic as: “Tila’s no-holds-barred thoughts on love, fame, happiness, and success and the remarkable story of how the child of Vietnamese immigrants singlehandedly harnessed the web to become the 21st century’s hottest sex symbol.”
Hey, we have plenty of advice for the girl–Jen and I actually spent the better part of last summer writing a book proposal. Good lord, was that a good time!! Two months of brainstorming, four months of writing, three weekends of intense creative retreats, seventeen book format ideas, fifty pages of bullet-pointed notes, 120 pages of brain vomit, fifty-six draft revisions, six completed chapters, forty-five nights of lost sleep, three mental breakdowns, one fight, two pseudo-tiffs, nineteen bottles of scotch, thirty-eight glasses of wine, fourteen moments of lost confidence, forty moments of lost mind, five printer failures, two creepy too-long encounters with a CopyMat employee, and about 34,567 shed tears. We worked through our issues with Bai Ling, I spent over twenty-four hours looking at photos of Tila, Jen sorted through our aversion to insanity until she felt insane, and I resolved my relationship with my own Vietnamese immigrant family. Funnily enough.
So of course, when we saw that Tila had decided to write a book, we laughed. Hard.
Ever wonder what a typical day with young, Pre-DISGRASIAN Jen and Diana was like?
Ahhh…So precocious! Even as tots, we understood the joys of laughing like assholes at the shortcomings of others.
The Miami Heat proved Sunday that they could not run with the Chicago Bulls, getting swept in the series. It was the first time in 50 years that a defending champ got eliminated in the first round of playoffs.
I’ve just got a few words to say to DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Famer Shaquille O’Neal.
You old. You ugly. You done.
Oh, and CHING CHONG CHING CHONG CHING CHONG muthafucka!