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It was announced today that the International Olympics Committee has stripped China of a bronze medal from the women’s gymnastics team competition at the 2000 Sydney Games. Team member Dong Fangxiao was 14 at the time, making her two years shy of eligibility–and her individual scores contributed to the overall team score, earning them the medal.
The US team, who placed fourth, will now be awarded the bronze medal. All of Dong’s former teammates will be forced to turn in their medals.
I, for one, am… shocked.
But unfortunately–though she’s hardly the one responsible for fudging her age and competing illegally–she, for one, is scrrreeewwwed. If I were her, I would keep my eyes peeled for any approaching tiny females. Eep!
Filed under: 2000 Olympics, Body Oil, Bronze Medal, Cheating, China, Disgrace by Disqualificasian, Dong Fangxiao, Dong Fangxiao Disqualified For Being Underage, Fudging Your Age, Gymnasts Underage, International Olympics Committee, IOC, Lying, Sydney Games, the Olympics, Your Judges Lied And Now You Shall Be Jumped By Your Former Teammates
First, gymnastics officials investigating the ages of the gold medal-winning, Chinese women’s team at the Beijing Olympics announce that they’ve expanded their inquiry to include the 2000 Sydney Olympics squad. Then the AP reports that Yang Yun, a member of that team, said last year in a televised interview that she was 14 at the time of the Sydney Games. Last week, however, Yang claimed she made a mistake:
“Everyone has misspoken before. On television shows, there are always slips of the tongue,” she said.
Which, frankly, I think is not so true these days, what with TV stars hating their co-stars and fearing the herp and TV make-out sessions being completely sexless in general.
Another problem with Yang’s statement…I thought we already established that the Chinese are good at math?
Well, it’s official. An IOC investigasian of the Chinese women’s gymnastics team members’ ages is underway. Five out of the six team members–He Kexin, Yang Yilin, Jiang Yuyuan, Deng Linlin and Li Shanshan–are suspected of being underage, which leaves only Cheng Fei (below, far left), 20, confirmed as an old bag.
In response to the media outcry about the gymnasts’ ages that started before the Games’ commencement and has not let up since, Huang Yibin, head coach of the women’s and men’s teams, said:
“Our athletes participating in these games all conform to the age regulations of the Olympics. Asians have different figures than people from the West, so that’s what caused their suspicion.“
“Whoa, whoa. Did you guys forget that we invented the abacus?! Shit, we basically invented math. We do calculus for fun the way you guys do the NY Times Sunday crossword, the only difference being, we actually solve our puzzles every time. Our calculators–which computed the gymnasts’ ages–are so sophisticated, they can read minds AND cook dinner.
Since the beginning of time, Asians have been better at math. That is a universal truth, kinda like how blacks are better at dancing and basketball. Am I right or am I right?! Oh wait. Of course I’m right. Why? Because math don’t lie. And we’re good at math. See what I just did? That’s a little thing I like to call logic.
We invented that, too.”