You are currently browsing posts tagged with Gwyneth Paltrow
[Ed. note--this post was written in advance of the tragic shooting that occurred on Saturday, Jan. 8 in Arizona. Our thoughts go out to those affected by those events.]
We talked a lot in the closing months of last year how 2010 was BALLS. And you know why it was balls? Because it was a year ruled by DICKS. Dickheads, dickweeds, dickwads, dicktwits, dickfaces, cheesedicks, needledicks, pencil dicks, limp dicks, and a various assortment of Dick Tracies, seemed to poke their, ahem, heads out from all sides. It was actually hard to come up with only 10 Dicks From ’10 because the year was so chock-full of cocksmokers. But somehow, after a little dicking around, we did.
WHY THEY’RE DICKS: Everywhere we turned in 2010, there was another story about somebody named Palin being a dick. There was Todd Palin writing angry, poorly-punctuated emails. There was Willow Palin writing gay slur-slinging, poorly-punctuated Facebook comments. There was Bristol Palin being billed as a “teen activist” and dancing her way horribly to the Dancing With the Stars finals. And then there was Mama Grizzdick herself, Sarah Palin, who showed time and again that not only was she a dick, she was a Dick of All Trades–a refudiating dick, a 1st Amendment-confused dick, an Islamophobic dick, a book-shilling dick, a reality TV dick, a Tea Party dick, and, generally, an all-around fame-trolling dick of the highest magnitude. While it’s clear the Palins are gunning to be the First Family of the United States in 2012, for now, they can pat themselves on the backs for being, hands-down, the First Family of the United States of Dickbags.
OUR SOLUTION: The family of dicks that gets Dick Cancer together stays together. Another idea: JUST. GO. AWAY.
Filed under: 2010 Sucked Ass, Arizona, Arizona SB 1070, BP, BP Oil Spill, Brett Favre, Brett Favre Cheats On Wife, Brett Favre Penis, Brett Favre Sad Weiner, Brett Favre Why Did You Come Back?, Bristol Palin, Cheaters, Decision Points, Dick Cancer, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Everything About the Palins Sucks Ass, George W. Bush, George W. Bush Decision Points, Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwyneth Paltrow Country Strong, Gwyneth Paltrow Sings, Hamburger Helper Helps a Hamburger Help Gwen Make A Great Mess, Jesse James, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Nazi Photo, Jesse James PR Suicide, John McCain, Kat Von D, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, North Korea, Sarah Palin, SB 1070, The Palins, Todd Palin, TSA, TSA Body Scanner
Have y’all checked out Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle blogzzZZzzzZzz, GOOP? Y’know, a Paltrow P.O.V. guide to dressing appropriately, eating well, rocking hip tunes, throwing wonderful dinner parties, and having dear friends with cool jobs (like chefs and directors).
It’s awful. So awful. And hey, this is coming from a die-hard subscriber to Martha Stewart Living (seriously… it’s so good), yoga addict, shoe fiend–a person, one could argue, that should be having joyous convulsions over such a site right this very minute.
But GOOP is gross–as smug as the actress herself, and perhaps even less interesting. Whether she’s touting a pedestrian list of party songs or listing kid-friendly restaurants like, uh, Chicago’s NoMI (where I almost had a very ugly incident with glass sculpture once), it’s really a blasé bunch of scribblings that not-so-subtly nods to the wonderful life that Paltrow leads–the fabulous friends, so-very-down-to-earth perspective, glamorous day job, eloquent vocabulary…zzZZZzZzzzzZz. It’s inaccessible, really, and not particularly insightful.
Still, she underscores the site’s presence with the logline: “nourish the inner aspect,” a Hindu phrase that recently came under public criticism via religious scholar Rajan Zed.
From Contact Music:
U.S. Hindu leader Rajan Zed suggests the movie star should take the trouble to learn more about the ancient religion before using taglines like “nourish the inner aspect” on her website. Zed fears Paltrow is leading impressionable minds astray by suggesting her weekly musings are deep and philosophical – and then just writing about material, “external” matters.
He says, “There are not many deep, spiritual and philosophical thoughts in the blog, which are an essential part of nourishing the inner self.
“The actress needs to grow-up and stop writing about mundane topics like ‘Boots by Gucci’, ‘Banana Pancakes’, ‘The Hungry Cat’ and ‘Tweezerman’ – in which she talks about taming the unruly eyebrows of men.”
Hunh. We couldn’t have said it better ourselves! Oh wait, yes we could:
The actress needs to just stop writing.
Filed under: Annoying Things Celebrities Do, GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow, Hateful People, Hinduism, Lifestyle Blogs, Martha Stewart, Nourish the Inner Aspect, Rajan Zed, Religious Scholars, Tweezerman, ZZzzzZzZzZZzzzz
Estée Lauder is about to get more gorgeous: news outlets report that Slumdog Millionaire‘s Freida Pinto, Hollywood’s most enchanting newbie, is set to be the new face of the cosmetics brand.
This is huge news for the young actress, in part because of the yummy price tag (reported at £200,000) that comes from striking such a plum endorsement deal.
But let’s just all collectively cross our fingers that she does not share the fate of her pretty predecessors, Liz Hurley and Gwyneth Paltrow, who both sold millions of mascara tubes with their mugs–and then tumbled into smug, unsavory, irrelevant oblivion, never to be loved again.
Filed under: Beautiful Ladies, Career Changes, Cosmetics, Downturns, Elizabeth Hurley, Endorsements, Estée Lauder, Faces, Freida Pinto, Gwyneth Paltrow, Irrelevance, Makeup, Predecessors, Slumdog Millionaire
MY GOODNESS! “FUCK THE HATERS?” Is Gwyneth Paltrow taking cues from DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamers Kobe and Tila, or just trying desperately to strategically sully her organic-cotton-Coldplay-and-Apple-babies-yoga-granola image?
As she “spilled” to OK! Magazine: “I’m probably less square than people think,” she insists. “I never get drunk to the point of throwing up. But I get very talkative.”
Oh, she gets talkativezzZZZzZzZZZZzzz when zzZshezzZZzz ZzzzZdrinkszzzzZzZzz! I’m sure that would cool our hating jets if we caredzzZZZzzzZzZZz.
Occupation: Actor and model
Why He’s a Babe: Cuz in a series of commercials the Korean-American Henney filmed with Gwyneth Paltrow, he made her look like a bowl of oatmeal. Cuz he just won Best New Actor at South Korea’s Blue Dragon awards for his role in “My Father.” Cuz, well, for god’s sake, just look at him.