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Have you heard about Lisa Mei Norton, right-wing Christian conservative country singer/songwriter?
She wants to keep her guns, finds Michelle Malkin and her ilk to be “smart,” thinks we’ve gone socialist, believes Obama wasn’t born here and loves to (tea) party. Oh, and she’s already working on the indoctrinasian of her six-year-old son. Translasian: She watches Fox News.
Filed under: A Revolution's Brewing, Anti-Agin' Asian, Big Dawg, Boobs, Christian Conservatives, Conservatards, Conservatives, Country/Western Singers, Disappointing Your Parents and Your Parent-Country, Enough Already, FOX News is a Joke, God Lovers, Grating Voices, Gung-Ho, Guns, Indoctrinasian, Liberty, Lisa Mei Norton, Logic Is Useless, Michelle Wie, Obama Birth Certificate, Pop Singers with 3rd-Grade Vocabularies, Really Smart People, Right Wing Nutjobs, Ruining Your Children, Singer/Songwriters, Tea Parties, Tea Party Anthem, Teabaggers, What the hell are you people talking about?, Why Does The Tea Party Get So Much Press?
It’s always kind of amazing when a six-year old can do something extraordinary (besides touch their head while rubbing their tummy, draw stick people with actual hands instead of circles with lines popping out, or conquer every level of the Nintendo DS Lego Indiana Jones game during one single drive upstate). We love ourselves some prodigies.
So when reader Carlo tipped us off to Miko Andres, a 6-year old wunderkind from the Philippines that has already earned the honor of world’s youngest sharp shooter, we were intrigued.
First of all, guns scare me shitless, and always have. So do children (in a different way), because they’re cute, yet wiggly and so easy to drop and/or lose. The combination of the two–a gun and a kid–even in theory, was almost more than I could bear.
But here’s little Miko showcasing his talents:
Pretty bonkers, right? It’s definitely amazing, but I can’t stop freaking out throughout the entire video, thinking: What if he has some uncontrollable child fit in the middle of a trigger-pull? What if he drops that thing on the floor and shots some wild bullets into the sky? What if he gets angry at his parents when he turns thirteen and starts saying things like, ‘Mom, if you don’t make me dinner right now I swear to God I’m gonna bust a cap on your ass. And you know I can, so chop chop!’
That would be weird.
And okay, maybe not that likely.
And listen, if the parents are okay with it, I guess I should be cool, too.
From an interview with Telegraph:
“Safety is of the utmost importance,” [Miko's father] says, adding his son was having guidance and help from a range of shooting institutions to try and prevent accidents… “As a parent, I too am worried about the dangers of the sport. Accidents and injuries might happen in the course of the sport and that is always a concern.
Safety first! It’s always good to know that young sharp shooters’ parents have their priorities in order.
He added: “Here he is, the youngest practical shooter the world has ever known… Miko is very young but is determined to excel in the practical shooting sport.”
And as my parents always say: if you’re the best, first, or youngest person to do something, it really doesn’t matter how fucking safe you are! Keep up the good work!
HAPPENING RIGHT NOW: at least four people have been killed, dozens shot, and more taken hostage at a Binghamton, NY American Civic Association, which offers services to immigrants.
When we woke up to this news, we dreaded hearing eyewitness accounts that the gunman (who is still in the building) was Asian. But those accounts keep coming.
Watch the story unfold at CNN.com.
*Update: Local News 10 (aired on televised CNN) just reported that two men of Asian descent have been removed from the building in handcuffs by officers in regular police uniforms.
[CNN: 12 die, up to 40 held hostage in Binghamton shootings]
I know what you’re gonna say when you read An Cafe‘s description of self:
THEY PLAY DANCEABLE ROCK MUSIC WITH HARAJUKU VIBE. THEIR UNIQUE DANCEABLE ROCK SOUND AND LIFE-SIZED LYRICS ARE EXTREMELY POPULAR AMONG YOUNG KIDS IN JAPAN. AN CAFE IS WIDELY ACCEPTED NOT JUST BY VISUAL-KEI FANS BUT ALSO BY THE J-POP FANS. ATTRACTING THEM WITH POP SOUNDS, ENTERTAINING LIVE SET AND FURTHER MORE WITH THEIR UNIQUE CHARACTERS.
That’s either a total fucking mess or the exact source that Gwen Stefani ripped off for her solo project, right? Leaning more towards “total mess!”
But y’all, I’m mesmerized by An Cafe.
This. Is what. My Dreams. Look like.
The Internet is just buzzing today with the “news” that Angelina Jolie is miraculously shedding her baby weight by doing virtual Pilates on her kids’ Nintendo PS.
From the SF Gate:
A family insider reveals, “The kids were convincing her that video games were more than just fun. They explained to her that you can do anything from practice math to learn to read music and exercise.“
“She tries to get in an hour of Pilates three times a week. She’s picking it up pretty quickly and is already at the hardest setting.”
Jesus H., does this “family insider” have something to learn or what? Aside from cultivating yet another obnoxious Hollywood lie (not unlike “I just lose all the chub running around with my kids!”), purporting that Jolie would strive to do low-rent Pilates on the “hardest setting” instead of get a trainer, and that her kids would bother to use their game console to “practice math or read music” as opposed to “shoot shit up“–it’s sloppy, just sloppy.
IF THIS IS YOU (OR RESEMBLES YOU IN ANY WAY*):
You don’t belong here. You have taken a wrong turn. You’re probably not smart, good-looking, rad, or cool enough to read this blog. But that’s okay, you’re not far from where you were heading. Go ahead and back up through the parking lot, reverse direction, turn left at Bastardly.com, right-hander at the White House official site, merge after the Family Keepers site, slight left at SandraOhIsUgly.com, and then it’s just a straight shot over to the John McCain donation site.
Thanks! Hope you’ve
spent plenty on got plenty of gas.
* Except for the beer. We love beer.
Filed under: American Idiots, Beer Rules, Cultural Lows, Fucktards, Guns, Heidi Montag, Paparazzi Whores, Really Dumb People, Sarah Palin VP, Spencer Pratt, The Financial Crisis, Who Are These People?
Last night, while swilling Macallan 12 with my favorite gal Jen and strapping on my Guitar Hero axe, I pointed at the song, “Barracuda,” in the track list.
“Jesus Christo lady,” I said to Jen with a shake of my head, “Did you hear that shit blasting after Palin’s speech at the RNC? We’ve gotta get five stars and reclaim it for the party of the people.”
“Party?” she responded, inspired by her favorite word.
“Dude, totally.” I nodded. “Y’know, it’s such an unfair projection of shame onto Heart. They didn’t ask for it, right? They couldn’t possibly be happy about it. They should write a letter and tell the Republican party to stop.”
“They did!” said Jen.
And, in fact, she’s right. Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart wasted no time in sending a cease and desist notice to the McCain-Palin campaign, telling Entertainment Weekly, “Sarah Palin’s views and values in no way represent us as American women…We ask that our song ‘Barracuda’ no longer be used to promote her image.”
Ballsy, right? Mos def.
More ballsy, however, is the McCain-Palin campaign’s response of…not giving one shit. According to CNN, they blasted the jam before an outdoor rally this morning in Ohio. It sent out a powerful message:
“WE DO NOT HEAR YOU. WE DO NOT CARE IF YOU LIKE US. WE DO NOT CARE IF YOU LIKE WHAT WE DO. WE WILL GO WHERE WE ARE UNWANTED, WE WILL CLAIM THINGS AS OURS THAT REFUSE TO BE CLAIMED. WE RULE. AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, WE WILL PROBABLY SHAKE A GUN (OR FETUS) AT YOU.”
Hmm. Maybe they do have what it takes to run this country, after all!