DISGRASIAN™

Threesomes And Pageants Go Together Like Ramma Lamma Lamma Ka Dinga Da Dinga Dong

By now, you’ve likely heard about the just-leaked threesome sex tape (WARNING: previous link extremely, extremely NSFW) featuring Miss Trinidad & Tobago (Anya Ayoung-Chee), her boyfriend Wyatt Gallery, and a close friend that is NOT, as previously alleged, Miss Japan.

Missing from this screen grab: Ponytail guy

The video was snatched when Gallery dropped off his laptop for repair at a Trinidad computer shop, and quickly made waves this week throughout the Internet pervosphere.

I won’t lie. I watched the video twice–even though I knew it was wrong, fueled by my disappointment in Carmen Electra’s newly-”leaked” sex tape, which was a bra-filled snoozefest. And I must say, that Miss Trinidad knows how to party!

Seriously, though… what did Wyatt Gallery ever do to deserve such an incredible stroke of luck (the threesome, not the leak)??? Perhaps he frequently helps little old ladies across the street. With his penis.

[TMZ: Miss Universe Contestants In Three-Way Sex Tape]

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Filed under: Anya Ayoung-Chee, Beauty Pageants, Guilty Pleasures, Laptops, Leaked Tapes, Luck Be Two Ladies Tonight, Lucky Bastards, Miss Japan, Miss T&T, Miss Trinidad & Tobago, Miss Universe, Miss Universe Contestants Nude, Miss Universe Japan, Mistasian Identity, NSFW, Scandals, Sex, Sex Scandals, Sex Tapes, So So Wrong, Three-ways, Threesomes, Trinidad, Whoopsieeee

ROCK OF ASIAN: David Jordan

Sure, you could argue that the UK’s new golden boy David Jordan has an unhealthy appreciation for Justin Timberlake’s pops and Lenny Kravitz’s locks… but hell, my friend jRu and I love a pretty guy that can sing, dance, and remind us more of Prince than anyone right now besides, well, Prince.

Set the mood with his funky new album (entitled: “Set the Mood”–get it?) or just see more Jordan here.

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xo, jRu!

Filed under: Brits, Dancing is Fun, David Jordan, Guilty Pleasures, Justin Timberlake, Lenny Kravitz, Prince, Race Mixing is Cool, Singers

Rock of Lazian

As you all know, the one thing missing from the near-perfect debut season of VH1’s Rock of Love (a celebrity/dating/competition/reality show in which twenty women–that have clearly all been rode hard and put away wet–compete for the affections of Poison frontman Bret Michels) was an Asian cast member. As I watched every episode (we’re talking every act, bumper, teaser, commercial), I decided that the reason we weren’t included in the fight for Bret was because we’re just too damn competitive. They couldn’t have one of us in there making it all hard to keep up, right? Maybe I’m not right but, hey, whatever gets me through the night.

Season 2 kicked off two weeks ago, and I was delighted to find in Episode 1 that we were finally seeing some gorgeous reprzentasian:

Sara had a pretty face (rare on ROL), a sizable rack, and what I considered to be an arrow-straight pathway to the final two.

In the second episode, however, we learned more about her: she neglected to tell her parents (duh) that she was going on the Love, saying instead that she was going to LA with some girlfriends (that’ll go over well now that the show’s aired). She gave up her competitive edge by telling any girl that would listen that she’d been dared to go on the show, information quickly used to tarnish her image. And when the girls were asked to compete in a talent show…

…she decided to try her hand at belly dancing, saying, “I love to dance, and I thought I should do belly dancing. I mean, granted I’ve never done it before, but at least I’ll stand out and it’ll be something different to look at.” She didn’t see much of a reason to take the idiotic sub-competition seriously, and it showed in her half-assed homage to tradition. Ugh. Her performance was different, alright–different from any belly dancing I’ve ever seen. Sara was such a self-satirizing snoozefest that she made this racial drag “kung-fu” performance:

…seem somehow more genuine.

I guess it’s no surprise that Sara was sent packing her bags. Bret called her out on being in the house for the wrong reasons, but I actually think the real reason was that imagining her future lazy BJs simply bored him to tears.

Oh well. We always have next season.

Watch the full episode (including her eliminasian) here.

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Filed under: Asians Aren't Lazy, Belly Dancing, Bret Michaels, Guilty Pleasures, Racial Drag, Reprzentasian, Rock of Love, Rode Hard And Put Away Wet, Strange Competitions, Talentless Asian Girls

"Prison Break" for Beginners

Reuters reports today that “(a) television station in eastern China which flouted a national ban on U.S. drama ‘Prison Break,’ said it aired the popular serial on its children’s channel for “English training” purposes.”

Click here for full story.

Hmm. This sounds suspiciously like when I tell people I watch The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel to understand our youth of today.

But, for the sake of argument, let’s review all the vocabulary Prison Break’s Chinese viewers could have learned from the show, based on a rough plot outline:

1) This guy Lincoln is WRONGFULLY ACCUSED of MURDER and sent to DEATH ROW.
2) His brother Michael commits an armed BANK ROBBERY to go to PRISON to save him.
3) They live among MURDERERS, THIEVES, MAFIOSOS, and ONE RAGINGLY QUEENY HOMICIDAL PEDOPHILE-RAPIST.
4) They ESCAPE FROM PRISON.
5) The prison doctor, who is in love with Michael, relapses into HEROIN ABUSE and almost OVERDOSES. She then gets herself into NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS.
6) The escapees GO ON THE LAM.
7) Also, the Vice President-turned-President of the country is a SCHEMING, MURDERING BITCH.
Oh, and, the RAGINGLY QUEENY HOMICIDAL PEDOPHILE-RAPIST gets his HAND CHOPPED OFF while on the run.

This vocab is perfect for coming to America, asking for directions to the nearest Starbucks, and marching right up to the relentlessly cheerful dude behind the counter and saying, “This is an ARMED ROBBERY. Stay calm and no one gets hurt. I need a Venti HER-ON to go. I’m in a hurry. Stare at my BLOODY STUMP and I’ll blow your f-ing brains out!”

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Filed under: ESL, Foreign Languages, Guilty Pleasures, Prison Break