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Palau Uielcomes the Uighurs

June 12th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The 17 Uighurs detained at Gitmo have finally found a home. And if you ask me, they totally scored. On Wednesday, the tropical Pacific island nation of Palau announced that it will accept the 17 Chinese Muslims who’ve been unlawfully jailed for the last 6 years (and take $200 million in aid from the U.S. along with, apparently).

Uielcome, Uighurs!

In other words, the Uighurs have won an island vacation! For the rest of their lives! Where they can work on their base tans year-round, eat fruit right off the trees, spontaneously break out into the Rodgers and Hammerstein songbook, and get wasted on drinks with tiny paper umbrellas in them, ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!

And the only thing they had to do to earn that was give up 6 years of their lives. Considering a vacation to Palau will run you about five grand these days, I’d say those Uighurs got a sweet deal, wouldn’t you?


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Uihere Uiill the Uighurs Go?

June 1st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

So, here’s the deal. There are these 17 Uighurs (or Uyghurs, pronounced “wee-grr”), right? They’re part of a Muslim minority group who come from the far-western province of Xinjiang, China. And they’ve been detained at Guantanamo for the last 6 years after getting rounded up in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Over the course of that time, it’s been determined that they aren’t enemy combatants–enemies of the U.S. or our allies–nor is there significant evidence demonstrating that they’re any kind of threat, nor do they have ties to al Qaeda. They have been cleared for release and are free to go. But if they return home to China, they’ll likely be tortured and persecuted. Like Tibetans, Uighurs have suffered plenty of human rights-abuses at the hands of the Chinese government but received far less attention for them, probably because they believe in a religion that scares people instead of one that, say, attracts a beautiful Hollywood following. While the 17 Uighurs have petitioned for asylum in the U.S., they’ve been denied twice, most recently by Obama.

Ever the dickish troll, Newt Gingrich has said that the Uighurs are not an “American problem,” despite the fact that they have been unlawfully detained by our government for the last 6 years. So whose problem are they? And uihere in the uiorld uiill the Uighurs go now?

[NY Times: Chinese Inmates at Guantánamo Pose a Dilemma]


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Thoughts on Multitasking

October 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Barack Obama,

This photo gives me a fantastic idea: Can you be both President of the United States and a new running back for my team, the Pittsburgh Steelers (at the same time)? Somehow I feel that this could diminish the shame of fading in the fourth quarter and losing to Eli “Dopey” Manning and the New York VaGiants last weekend, and the shame I feel regarding my country’s greatest public failures of the last decade (off the top of my head I will list the Iraq War, Katrina, Guantanamo Bay, and the seemingly limitless sucess of The Hills) make me really happy.

Let me know what you think!


Merci, Jen!

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