You are currently browsing posts tagged with Gossip Girl

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Taylor Momsen

July 23rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Things that happened before Taylor Momsen was born in 1993:

  • The Brat Pack
  • Beverly Hills, 90210 pilot
  • Michael Crawford’s Phantom of the Opera career
  • The Pixies
  • Shoulder Pads
  • Polaroid
  • Cokes accompanied by smiles
  • Bill Clinton elected President of the United States
  • Twin Peaks
  • The Barcelona Olympics
  • Car Phones
  • The Viper Room

Um, yeah. Taylor Momsen turns 16 this week, and we suddenly feel old and irrelevant. Happy fuckin’ birthday, Gossip child!

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Taylor Momsen Single White Females Herself

April 2nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Is it still considered narcissism if you’re obsessed with yourself, only not your real self exactly but the one you play on TV? This is the question I find myself asking when I think about 15 year-old Taylor Momsen, who plays Jenny Humphrey on Gossip Girl. In the mere year-and-a-half in which we’ve known her, she’s gone through as many changes as her character, a normal development for a teenager, I suppose, except for the fact that she’s gone through the EXACT SAME changes as her character. Is that weird? I think it’s weird.

Witness:

Beginnings
Jenny Humphrey begins her freshman year at Constance Billiard as a pretty (if a bit generic), young, fresh-faced nobody. Taylor Momsen begins the freshman season of Gossip Girl as a pretty (if a bit generic), young, fresh-faced nobody.


Reinventions
Jenny Humphrey reinvents herself sophomore year with a Joan Jett haircut, an haute street-urchin style, and makeup that makes her look as though she’s been punched in both eyes, and the fashion world suddenly stands up and takes notice. Taylor Momsen reinvents herself sophomore season with the same haircut, the same style, and the same black-eye makeup, and the fashion world suddenly stands up and takes notice.


Career Changes
Jenny Humphrey drops out of school and becomes a designer. Taylor Momsen drops out of the show (okay, for hiatus) and becomes a designer (with a little or maybe a lot of help from real designer Jen Kao).

She could start by sewing up those jeans

What’s next for Jenny-slash-Taylor-slash-same diff? I worry that if the show has Jenny go dark again–as she did for a New York minute when she ran away from home–Taylor is going to go all Jodi Sweetin on us. Be careful with this fragile, impressionable psyche, Gossip Girl! Life imitating art can be as deadly as a throat infection.

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Thank You, Josh Schwartz, for the Gift of Life

March 17th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

In advance of Monday’s new Gossip Girl episode, “The Age of Annoyance Dissonance,” wherein the students of Constance Billiard and St. Jude put on Edith Wharton’s The Age of Innocence as a play (within-a-play! so clever!), GG creator Josh Schwartz told fans, “You have not lived until you’ve seen Nelly Yuki in a fat suit in The Age of Innocence.” (Nelly plays Mrs. Mingott, a fat widow/grandmother.)


And boy was he right. We had not lived until we saw an Asian Nerd character be the fat butt of a joke on a television show. Nope. Never seen that before. Especially not on Gossip Girl. So thank you, thank you, Josh Schwartz, for giving us the gift of life!

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"Nelly Yuki Must Be Destroyed!"

January 14th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


NELLY YUKI!

Mindless follower of mean girls, prima licker of asses, wearer of ill-fitting, chunky colored-glasses, lacker of charisma, pointless taker-upper of primetime space.

Please die a horrible death.

That is all.

Source: CW

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Gossip Girl Goes Over to the Dark Side (Again)

December 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Gossip Girl and ethnics don’t mix. It’s been well-documented by DISGRASIAN since the first episode, when the Black Chick and the Asian Chick (aka The Haragossip Girls) were mutely paraded around in matching outfits, that non-white characters tend to be used on the show like accessories. After the writers’ strike, when the actress who played the Asian Chick decided to go back to Brown to study neuroscience instead of returning to the hit show where she had more headbands than lines (I know..how Asian), the Mutasian was replaced by another Asian Chick, whose character turned out to be a royally drippy–and tragically uninteresting–Nerd.

It’s only when the show stopped all of its tokenizing whatthefuckery that it actually got good. Season 2 opened with a “White Party” in the Hamptons (Diddy was nowhere to be seen), a fitting metaphor for what Gossip Girl is really about: pretty, rich white people trapped in a particular ring of hell where life is one neverending party that you can never leave. The Black Chick and the New Asian Chick have cropped up here and there, and they do speak now and again, but you’d be hard-pressed to name them, because they’re on the show so infrequently. The only ethnics left who still have significant roles are Dorota, the Waldorfs’ Polish maid (ethnic in the old school sense and a more politically-correct, non-WASP buffoon), and Vanessa, who I still contend is coded brown, mostly because of the gigantic earrings she always wears, but their place in the GG hierarchy has more to do with money and education (and their lack thereof) than with ethnicity, perceived or otherwise.

Which is fine by me, because ethnicity is clearly beyond the show’s reach. People of color on the show have been portrayed about as accurately as Yale was in Episode 6 of this year, when the Dean was depicted as a George Plimpton-esque bon vivant who had nothing better to do than play parlor games with prospectives and the co-ed, secret senior society Skull and Bones was THE Skull and Bones, all-male, and had a boner for Chuck Bass, who is still in high school.

Speaking of Gossip Girl‘s resident bad boy, Chuck seems to be the only character still dabbling with the dark side (i.e. the non-white). Whether it’s his rendezvous with that Japanese flight attendant earlier in the season, or his coy reference to his “daily shiatsu” a few episodes back, or the intriguing preview we got at the end of Monday night’s episode (see below), Chuck’s escape from the restricting corset of Upper East gentility usually involves a skeevy dive into the Otherworld:

Is that an Oriental massage parlor I see? An opium den? An Oriental massage parlor/opium den? What’s with that Asian drumming music? Don’t get me wrong, I’m down with Chuck’s downward spiral into abject hedonism–the most interesting if overacted plot development of the show thus far–but please, for the love of sweet white Jesus, leave us out of this.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Chinese Gymnast Slips Us Some Tongue

September 29th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

First, gymnastics officials investigating the ages of the gold medal-winning, Chinese women’s team at the Beijing Olympics announce that they’ve expanded their inquiry to include the 2000 Sydney Olympics squad. Then the AP reports that Yang Yun, a member of that team, said last year in a televised interview that she was 14 at the time of the Sydney Games. Last week, however, Yang claimed she made a mistake:

“Everyone has misspoken before. On television shows, there are always slips of the tongue,” she said.

Which, frankly, I think is not so true these days, what with TV stars hating their co-stars and fearing the herp and TV make-out sessions being completely sexless in general.

Dan Humphrey = Duck Lips

Another problem with Yang’s statement…I thought we already established that the Chinese are good at math?

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Gossip Grub

July 29th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
Blake Lively and Leighton Meester lunching on the set of ‘Gossip Girl’

BLAKE: God, I’m so full. I can’t believe I finished that whole half-of-a-macrobiotic-lettuce-and-sprouts wrap.

LEIGHTON: I know, right? I’m having so much trouble just eating these four pieces of sushi. I always treat myself once every two weeks to rice carbs.

BLAKE: Totally. Great job eating with those chopsticks, by the way! You look like a real pro.

LEIGHTON: Well, I’ve totally been to Tokyo before, once.

BLAKE: Wow!

LEIGHTON: Yeah. Anyway, eating wasabi totally reminds me of that girl that used to always be around last season. She was hot. Wasn’t she Japanese or something?

BLAKE: Nan? I think she’s Chinese. She’s not on the show anymore.

LEIGHTON: Where did she go, anyway? And wasn’t there another girl here, too? A really tan girl?

BLAKE: Um, are you talking about Nicole? She’s black, Leighton.

LEIGHTON: Blake! You can’t call them that. You call them Afro-American, I think. Anyway, where did those girls go?

BLAKE: Um, CW had to fire them so Vanity Fair and New York Magazine would put us on the cover. I was in Josh Schwartz’s office when the network called. They kept making some joke about “models” and “minorities” and how magazines only get read by honkeys or something.

LEIGHTON: What’s a honkey?

BLAKE: Not sure.

LEIGHTON: Hunh.

BLAKE: I didn’t really think about it, and then we came back for this season, and there was that new Asian chick around, and for a minute I wondered where Nan and Nicole went, and then I kinda just forgot about the whole thing because I’ve got new boyfriend issues and stuff.

LEIGHTON: Penn’s hot.

BLAKE: Yeah, he’s amazing.

LEIGHTON: That’s so weird! We should totally call up those girls and see if they wanna grab Coffee Bean sometime or something.

BLAKE: Yeah, I’m sure they’re not busy or anything! (Laughs)

LEIGHTON: (Laughs)

BLAKE: What kind of sushi is that, anyway?

LEIGHTON: California rolls.

BLAKE: Mmm!

LEIGHTON: Totally.

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Gossip Girl Invasian

May 23rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Television’s most inexplicably riveting and addictive piece of designer poo, Gossip Girl, has found its way over to Japan–at least in advertising, anyway.

This billboard was snapped in Shibuya, my favorite shopping neighborhood in Tokyo, and it is for JJ magazine, a teenybopper fashion rag.

And, just as things are in Gossip Girlville, USA, the Asian chick in the back (with the knee socks) also doesn’t speak.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Gossip Girl: Deleted Scenes

May 6th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not spotted last night on the CW’s Gossip Girl:


EXT. METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART – DAY

JENNY HUMPHREY, aka “Li’l J,” walks up the steps, trailed by HER POSSE, just as BLAIR WALDORF and her HARAGOSSIP GIRLS approach.

JENNY
It’s so hard to find good help these days.

BLAIR
Tsk, tsk, Li’l J. I would have thought that you’d learned by now. It’s all about the ethnics. They’re industrious, they don’t talk back, and they have gorgeous skin.

JENNY
Industrious, huh? Is that why you’re carrying your own breakfast?


Blair looks down at her carton of fruit and throws it to the ground. She gives the evil eye to the HaraGossip Girls.

BLAIR
You lazy whores! I’m going to beat your asses when we get home!


CUT TO:



INT. BLAIR WALDORF’S BEDROOM – DAY

NELLY YUKI, aka The Replacement Asian HaraGossip Girl, hands Blair a phone.

NELLY
There you go, “B.” A new cell phone, just like you asked.


Blair looks at the phone in horror.

BLAIR
What the fuck is this? An LG? This is disgusting-looking! It’s so…GHETTO. I said I wanted an iPhone, you stupid slut!


Blair grabs the phone and hits Nelly over the head with it. Nelly WHIMPERS softly.

CUT TO:



INT. UPPER EAST SIDE APARTMENT – NIGHT

Nelly and ISABEL COATES, aka The Black HaraGossip Girl, flank MIDGETY GIRL IN HEADBAND.

MIDGETY GIRL IN HEADBAND
Oh my gaw. I’m sooo relieved that you guys could work my party tonight! It’s so hard to find good help these days. Do you think Blair’s going to find out?

ISABEL
If she does, she’ll be pissed.

NELLY
Pray she doesn’t, because she’ll beat the shit out of us for two-timing her.

MIDGETY GIRL IN HEADBAND
That would be sooo cool.

ISABEL
What?

MIDGETY GIRL IN HEADBAND
Oh, nothing! (beat) Criminy–there’s Blair!


Blair makes her way up the stairs in a spotted coat and walks over to the girls.

ISABEL and NELLY
(in unison) We’re fucked.

BLAIR
Hi, ladies!

MIDGETY GIRL IN HEADBAND
I’m Audi 5000.


Midgety Girl flees the scene.

NELLY
Please don’t hurt us. We’re only working this party so that I could pay for the LG that you destroyed.

ISABEL
And the iPhone you demanded.

BLAIR
OMFG! You two are a piece of work. Do you really think that MY world revolves around YOU two? I’ve got, like, way bigger, way whiter fish to fry. Like outing Li’l J’s puffy, closeted boyfriend. Let’s see…where is he? (beat) Hold my coat?


Blair walks away. The HaraGossip Girls breathe a sigh of relief.

ISABEL
We just dodged a bullet. We’re so lucky to still be here. We should be grateful.

NELLY
Sooo lucky. Sooo grateful.

FADE OUT.

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Interchasianable

April 29th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

A new Asian chick has joined the cast of Gossip Girl. And she walks and talks! And her character has a name!

We’re movin’ on up, to the East Side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky-y-y!

Only problem is, “Nelly Yuki” (as played by Yin Chang) is a NERD. If Diana were talking about her, she would say, “A total NNERRRRRRRRRRD.” So, yeah, I don’t mean that in a cool way. Take, for example, the “A” story of last night’s episode, which has Serena’s frenemy Georgina returning to the Upper Beast Side, chugging Cosmos, reconnecting with her coke dealer, hitting on older men, and drugging Serena’s diet Coke. Compare that to the Nelly “B” story, which has Blair’s academic frenemy (wait, what, they actually go to school??) and main competition for Yale pushing her chunky glasses up her nose a lot, lugging her violin case everywhere, studying for the SAT furiously, whining about her boyfriend dumping her, professing she is lactose intolerant, looking cross-eyed, and getting the batteries stolen out of her calculator by Blair before her college boards. RIVETING stuff, right?

It looks like Nelly “Let’s Get Retarded in Here” Yuki will stick around for a few episodes, but don’t expect a whole lotta sizzle from that steak. Examine the stills below, the first of which was taken when the other Asian chick “Kati Farkas” was on the show, and the second from next week’s episode:



Not exactly what I’d call progress.

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Free at Last! Free at Last! Thank God Almighty, They Are Free at Last!

January 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Finally, our prayers and all of our bitching and moaning have been answered!

On last night’s Gossip Girl “winter finale” (read: last episode shot before the writers’ strike), the HaraGossip Girls were liberated from their owner Blair Waldorf! And allowed to let freedom and their voices riiiiiiiiing!

Give me liberty or give me death! Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves! Cuz I’m free, to do what I want, any old time! Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter! Black Power! Yellow Power! The Color Purple!

There’s only one itty-bitty problem with the liberation of the HaraGossip Girls. They bravely shook off the yoke of Queen B because…the horror!…she committed the moral sin of…gasp!…sleeping with…the shame!…two guys in one week…(yawn).

SO. FUCKING. LAME.

My only hope for them now is that, during their “hiatus,” the HaraGossip Girls get run over by a crosstown bus on their way to buying matching outfits at Scoop. And once the strike ends and a new season of Gossip Girl begins, this is how it will open:

INT. CONSTANCE BILLARD SCHOOL CHAPEL – MOURNING. ER, MORNING.

Blair enters the school chapel in black mourning garb, killer Louboutin heels. She is dewy and luscious-looking, despite the tragedy that has occurred. She walks to the front of the chapel and takes the stage.

BLAIR
I love my dead mute slaves! Ooooooh boooo-hoooooo! Where will I possibly find their replacements? Spence? Chapin? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

Serena, her hair flowing like the mane of a galloping Palomino, rushes to the front of the chapel and whisks Blair away to a private room, where they make out and guzzle Xanax together until they see rainbows and unicorns in life once more.

FADE OUT.

Source: The CW

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A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends

November 20th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Dear Kristen,

I can just picture the conversation you had with your agent last hiatus, after Veronica Mars got canceled and you, rightfully so, were fuh-reakin’ out over the Next Step.

AGENT: K-Bell, your mascara is running, sweetie. Listen to me. We’ve figured out a whole new direction for you.

KRISTEN: I should be in Maxim again?

AGENT: More or less. Picture this as a headline: “Kristen Bell, Bad Girl.”

KRISTEN: Really? Think people will buy that?

AGENT: Sure, why not? People have had enough of this cute, sweet, underdog stuff. Besides, you need to exercise those Tisch School of the Arts chops.

So you listened to your agent, signed on to be the bitchy narrator of Gossip Girl, our favorite show about mutes, and then agreed to be evil, electrifying Elle on Heroezzz, our favorite show about castratos. But guess what? I’m not buyin’ it. Kristen Bell, Bad Girl is you in drag.

And I like rooting for you. You were so scrappy and spunky and sassy on V. Mars–all the words we’d ascribe to midget girls like you with big personalities. Diana started talking like Veronica, in noirish one-liners and zingers. And the one time I saw you up close, I was actually rendered speechless (not unlike the time I saw Lorenzo Lamas in the bread aisle of the grocery store, but that’s another story). You have, I noticed that fateful day, tiny, adorable feet.

I’m not feeling the new you. Frankly, you suck as a Bad Girl. Every time you make a frowny face, the seams show. You’ve convinced me only that you’re an actor desperate not to be pigeonholed rather than a good actor. I’m afraid you’ve even jumped your own shark.

I’d rather see you in Penthouse flashing your bits, honestly, than suffer all this 1-D sneering and snarking. Use that pretty blonde head of yours to make better choices.

still your friend but barely,
Jen

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