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You know the latest Facebook meme, where people are tagging their friends in grid-like, mostly illustrated photo-lists that break down their personality types (“the lazy one,” “the flirt,” “the crackhead”)? Well, I saw another example of this meme yesterday on urlesque that was a “Most Likely To” list, and one thing in particular caught my eye:
Dude. That sucks. I think I’m going to go out and shoot some people.
Many of us live in Los Angeles, and have the unfortunate here-and-there sighting/smell of celebutard pioneer Paris Hilton. As US Weekly often declares with glee, she pumps her fuel-guzzling Bentley with gas (“just like US!”), she lets her dog shit on the street (“just like US!”), she does her own grocery shopping wearing ugly $300 sweats that are falling off her cheesy, shapeless ass (“just like US!”), and ZzZZZZZzzzzz.
Frankly, I blame Paris Hilton alone for the “sexy”-and-ugly- sweatoutfits-as-real-outfits epidemic that has spread through America’s young women over the last five years faster than a case of clap at a frat party. It’s slutty AND sloppy, and, contrary to my earliest predictions, doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. Maybe it never will! Augh… the very thought of this scares me more than hippies, let me tell you.
So when Hilton showed up in Shanghai for an MTV event this week, wearing her comfy clothes but remaining completely covered, I thought to myself: Self, maybe Paris Hilton is starting to take responsibility for the sloppy/slutty thing. Maybe she’s making an example of dressing drown without showing one’s dime slot!
…and I realized, Hilton isn’t through rocking the slutsuit. She just doesn’t give a shit about how she looks in China!!! And I said to myself: Self, if this bitch is gonna rock “comfy” looking like a ho for the paps in America/Greece/Italy/France/Spain, she sure as hell better do the same in the land of the almond-eyed! Are you with me, Self! We aren’t gonna take this sitting down!!! Give us all the slut you’ve got or give us nothing at all!
Then I realized that I woke up waaaay too early this morning.
Filed under: Bored By China?, Equal-Opportunity Slutting, Going Bonkers, Paris Hilton Should Expire, Self, Skanks, Stupid Fashion Trends, Sweatsuits Are Not For Socializing, This is Bullshit, Ugly Things