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Conveyor Belt Of Love May Be The Greatest Awful Show Of All Time

January 7th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Diana

Network television’s worst inside joke-turned-joke-turned-running joke-turned-joke pitch-turned pitch treatment-turned-idea going up the chain-turned-pilot order-turned-IDIOTIC DRIVEL THAT SOMEHOW SAW NETWORK AIRTIME ON ABC AND RESULTED IN A SERIES ORDER aired this week, and I missed it. Oh, darn.

Here’s the concept: Five single ladies choose from thirty single guys in a conveyor belt white elephant party. That is all you need to know.

Fortunately for me, my reality crap aficionado pals at Homo Shame alerted me as soon as they read about it, and I found the entire episode on Hulu.

That’s right, I watched it. And so can you:

Keep your eyes on Keiko during this episode. She’s bratty, opinionated, languid, not terribly bright and too pretty for her own good–also the first to proclaim disinterest in the “Filipino Criss Angel” on the belt, which may make you mad until you realize he sucks.

Keiko is a player-lover who chooses a hard body over intellect, disses the hot engineer with the 5 o’clock shadow in favor of an oily Speedo-wearer with a chihuahua, loves screwing, and in general gives this show the credit and seriousness it deserves–next to none. All in all, she’s the best part of the show (“Show” being an incredibly generous term, by the way).

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October 21st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Tim Kang

Hails from: San Francisco

Occupation: Actor

Why He’s a Babe: We contend that 35 year-old Tim Kang is the reason why CBS gave its hit panty-dropping procedural The Mentalist a full-season pickup. Think about it. Who doesn’t want more of those sad, soulful eyes? That strong, silent-type presence in every other scene where Simon Baker is eye-fucking the scenery? That unyielding straight face, tailor-made for comedies (or do we mean farces?) like The Mentalist, where serial killers leave smiley-faces for signatures? And how about the way he puts on them latex gloves? Can we get some w00t w00t-action from the back section? So what if the man never speaks MUTASIAN ALERT? Just the way he gives the Hardass Asian Read in an interrogation room to fresh-scrubbed criminals is enough to sustain a series, right? That’s our story anyway, and we’re sticking to it.


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