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The Things Mel Gibson Is

July 15th, 2010 | 9 comments | Posted by Jen

Whoopi Goldberg says her pal Mel Gibson isn’t racist! And if Whoopi says so, it must be true!

But when you cross that one off the list of Things Mel Gibson Is, you’re still left with:

The Things Mel Gibson Is

  1. Racist
  2. Misogynist
  3. Anti-Semitic
  4. A Religious Nut
  5. An Abusive Asshole
  6. An Alcoholic Asshole
  7. A Garden Variety Asshole
  8. Speaking of Gardens–A Rose Gardener!
  9. A Totally Overrated Director
  10. A Totally Overrated Human Being

Impressive résumé, Mel!

What else do you think Mel Gibson Is…? Please comment below, you bitch cunt whore gold diggers, you.

[Radaronline: WORLD EXCLUSIVE AUDIO: Mel Gibson's Explosive Racist Rant -- Listen To It Here]
[Radaronline: EXCLUSIVE NEW AUDIO: Mel Gibson Admits Hitting Oksana, Threatens To Kill Her - Listen To It Here]
[Radaronline: EXCLUSIVE NEW AUDIO: Mel Gibson Completely Loses It: 'B*tch, C*nt, Wh*re, Gold Digger!']

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Jon Gosselin, Abuse Victim

September 2nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

In an effort to fire back at his soon-to-be ex Kate Gosselin after she gave a much buzzed-about interview to Meredith Vieira on The Today Show a few weeks ago, Jon Gosselin will appear on Today show-competitor Good Morning America next week and tell “his side” of the story for the thousandth time.

ABC has already cut together a sneak peek of the interview, in which Jon intimates that Kate was gone all the time on her book tours, and that he “took a lot of abuse” from his estranged wife.

As I watched this latest installment of He Said, She Said from the reality TV couple, I couldn’t help thinking of that 1979 cult horror classic, When a Stranger Calls. You know, the one starring frizzy, funny-eyed Carol Kane as a babysitter who keeps getting crank calls from a deranged dude asking, “HAVE YOU CHECKED THE CHILDREN?”

Have they checked the children? You know, the eight children they have together? The children who’re growing up with the rich inheritance of seeing both their parents publicly slag one another over and over again? The children they got famous off of? Who’s checking the children while Mommy acts the martyr on Larry King Live and The Today Show? Who’s checking the children while Daddy hosts pool parties in Vegas and claims to be the abused spouse on Good Morning America? What’s Carol Kane up to these days? Can she go check the children?!

(One thing Jon Gosselin’s definitely checking is his Twitter feed. Yup, that’s right. The Other Puff Daddy joined Twitter this week.)

[ABC News: Jon Gosselin Speaks Out]

Thanks, Jasmine!

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Hello Katy

February 20th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I kissed a girl and I…

…wondered why the fuck Katy Perry is famous.

Thanks, Jasmine!

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Joe the Blogger

November 14th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Hello, dear DISGRASIAN readers! To paraphrase Rod Stewart, have we told you lately that we love you? Have we told you lately there’s no one else above you? We do really really appreciate that you guys take the time to check in with us, especially with so many other neat-o things on the interwebz vying for your attention. Like, for example, Joe the Plumber’s newly-launched website.

On the site, Joe has a blog, where he promises to “share the latest on the fight for preserving Americas freedoms.” At the moment, Joe’s blog is empty, which could only mean that Joe is already out there freedom-fighting. For you. And if you want to keep track of all of Joe’s comings and goings and fightings and preservings, you can. For the low, low annual cost of $19.95, you’ll get a subscription to the monthly “Joe the Blog” newsletter, total access to “Joe the Forum,” where you can chat with Joe directly, as well as free shipping on all “Joe the Plumber” merchandise. For a limited time only, you can get these same benefits–aka, the “Freedom Membership”–plus a copy of Joe’s forthcoming book for only $14.95. And, if you order today, Joe will throw in a full set of plumbing tools in a handsome tool box for no extra fee! All major credit cards accepted! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Okay, so the plumbing tools part is not exactly true, kinda like, oh, so many things that have come out of Joe the Plumber’s handsome crack mouth. But, whatever, the election’s over, and it’s time to be non-partisan, and who knows? Maybe Joe the Plumber really will have some pearls of wisdom to dispense to the American people.

Of course, you could always just sign up for the DISGRASIAN RSS feed instead. For the low, low annual cost of…FREE. Because we, unlike Joe the Attention Whore, actually believe in spreading the wealth around.


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May 15th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

President Bush said in an interview on Tuesday that he gave up golf in 2003 because of the Iraq War.

“I don’t want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander-in-chief playing golf,” he said. “I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them.”

Other sacrifices Bush made out of respect for our soldiers include giving up the following:

hard-shelled tacos, watching VH1′s The Flavor of Love, cufflinks, using a battery-powered nose-hair trimmer instead of tiny scissors, aromatherapy candles, learning Spanish, silk boxers, Velveeta dip, having sex with Laura, retractable Sharpie pens, and, the hardest of them all…having the White House chefs cut the crusts off of his sandwiches instead of doing it himself.

Poor, poor George!


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What a Dick

February 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“Ralph Nader Joins Presidential Race (Again)”


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