You are currently browsing posts tagged with Geisha iPhone App

My iGirl

February 12th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Remember the Geisha iPhone app? About which I wrote, “But why stop at geishas? Why not have a stripper app? Or better yet, a lap dance app? Why not have the iPhone also be a dildo? It already vibrates, so you’re halfway there.”

That was before I discovered iGirl, which is being billed on iTunes as “your own virtual girl friend…for less than the price of a cup of coffee or a beer.” You can tickle her, make her dance, and even change her ethnicity! And she’s, ahem, multi-lingual. Plus, as her creators put it, “She Obeys.”


That’s more like it. I mean, sure, they could have taken this idea further or, in the words of one of the customers who reviewed iGirl, “Longer hair and topless would be a good addition.” But this is a promising start toward virtual, convenient, inexpensive iJackingOff! Good job!!!

And furthermore…ewww.

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Thanks, Christie!

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The Geisha iPhone App: Useless Applicasians

February 3rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I hate iPhone apps. I only have Facebook and Pandora on my phone, because I don’t want to masturbate all day with it. Isn’t it enough that I simply have a phone? (Remember when Diana prayed to the Technology God to give me an iPhone? Well, it worked. Believe in the power of prayer, kids.) Do I need it to be a harmonica, too? Do I really need it to tell me my mood (answer: no, because I’m usually pissed off) and calculate a tip for me (answer: no, because one should never be too lazy to do simple math)? And can someone please tell me what is so amazing about that stupid chalk man and why I would want to see him dancing around like a bone-less, cracked-out raver? Or what, pray tell, is so cool about making my phone fart?

Grrrrrr.

Whatever. I get that that’s my issue. I guess it’s also my issue that I don’t get the Geisha iPhone app. She’s a geisha! And she dances just for you! Yeah, she dances just for you. Imagine a horrible version of The Robot crossed with Benjamin Button’s glide-step when he was on crutches accompanied by ching-chongy music that will make you seriously contemplate ritual suicide. I know this because I had to buy the damn thing to bag on it and now it’s cluttering my phone and, I fear, my life.

Grrrrrrr. Again.

But why stop at geishas? Why not have a stripper app? Or better yet, a lap dance app? Why not have the iPhone also be a dildo? It already vibrates, so you’re halfway there.

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