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Total Kong-quest

March 12th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that most people who saw Seth Gordon’s fantastic 2007 documentary, King of Kong (a film about two middle-aged men–a middle school teacher and a condiment magnate–duking it out for the Guinness World Record on Donkey Kong), were not quickly inspired to follow in the principal characters’ footsteps. Though respectfully portrayed, most of the people featured in the film are lovable losers, aging dorks, gamer geeks–and the addiction itself so all-consuming that it alienates even our hero from family, home and daily life.

But of course, someone did. Hank Chien, a 35-year-old plastic surgeon from New York, started playing the game after seeing the film. He recently broke the standing record, held by longtime recordholder Billy Mitchell, with 1,061,700 points in two and a half hours. The score was 10,000 higher than Mitchell’s.

The Kong-querer

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Recruit Him To Your Guild: Taiwanese Dude “Beats” World Of Warcraft

December 3rd, 2009 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

Okay, fine: We’re not WOW experts. So we don’t really know what it means to kill 390,895 creatures, accumulate 7,255,538,878 points of damage, complete 5,906 quests, raid 405 dungeons and hug 11 players–but it sounds like a shit-ton of warcraft to us!  And we’re huge fans of hugging!

A fella in Taiwan, whose handle is “Little Gray,” apparently did all of the above and then some, making him the first person to accomplish basically everything that can be accomplished in 11.5 million people’s favorite lifestyle game, World Of Warcraft. Basically, he’s “beaten” the unbeatable game.

Don't lie. You totally love WOW.

Wowing WOW players


Sure, there are some bitchy WOW sticklers that are already poo-pooing on the epic win, citing a glitch in the, uh, “B.B. King achievement” and a “false victory point” used by Little Gray to override it. But we figure that people suffering from PC eye strain and extended periods of virginity just get grouchy. Details, details.

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Pumashock

October 7th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Our friend Joyce recently introduced us to the vocal stylings of her girl, Pumashock (aka Natalie White), and we’re becoming a bit obsessed.

Cuz here’s the thing. Ms. White has got a voice like butter, million-dollar smile, freaking gorgeous face, swimsuit model body, longstanding devotion to video games (photo above is an homage–can you place it?), deeeeeep affinity for Korean dramas and K-pop… and seems like an all-around, super fun, super nice chick. Are all of these sweet-ass qualities together in one pretty package a common find? Hell no. Is Pumashock, then basically DISGRASIAN’s wet dream? Oh, yes.

Witness, for instance, this near-perfect interpretation of the Wonder Girls “Nobody” (Like, WOW):

And if you think that accent is just a fluke, check out her synthed up interpretasian of Lee Hyori’s “U Go Girl” (Also, like, WOW):

There’s something about her silky, smooth delivery, cheeky winks, and sweet, inviting smile that is ever-so seductive and, well, surprisingly perfect. Sometimes, it’s damn nice to be shocked.

[YouTube: Pumashock's Channel]
[Pumashock on Twitter]
[Pixel Gamemusic - Official Site of Pumashock]

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Thanks, Joyce!

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Kenny Hoang

November 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Ken Hoang

Occupation: Professional gamer and Survivor: Gabon contestant

Known for: Surviving and then some. Nine weeks into the season, Kenny has–despite being a 98 lb. weakling and an indoor cat who plays video games for a living–not only survived the game but become the most powerful person in it. Using clever mindfuckery, the Vietnamese-American 23 year-old has picked off his Alpha Male competitors one after the other, men who were physically stronger and conventionally better-looking, proving that not all playas have to have washboard abs like Yul Kwon. Jeff Probst, who’s seen kingpins come and go on the show in his 17 seasons hosting, even recently compared Kenny’s coming of age to “watching great Shakespeare” (um, Jeff Probst watches Shakespeare?). Let’s just hope that Kenny’s reign out in the bush is more Henry VIII than Richard III.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: A Roll of the Dice-K

October 8th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Well. It’s official. The Sox pitching rotation for the ALCS, which begins Friday, is set, and Dice-K will be starting Game 1. I’m both incredibly psyched and incredibly about-to-shit-my-pants. Dice-K, despite his awesome winning record this season, walks way too many batters. My baseball-watching comfort zone is insufficient to tolerate Dice-K’s putting-men-on-base-all-the-time steez (which has earned him the nickname “Dice-BB”); that is to say, it is close to nil. We either have to have an insurmountable lead or our pitcher needs to be totally shutting down the opposing team’s batters or else I’m splayed out on the floor, mumbling to myself, Xanax? Scotch? Xanax? Scotch? Xanax and Scotch? Not that Josh Beckett, who starts Game 2, is in better shape to kick things off. Every year I vow to swear off sports entirely because of moments like this. I know, I know…Shut up and pull it together, this is unbecoming. It’s not very Asian of me to say this–an appropriate response would be “Fuckin’ A, I’ve got my shit together” or “It’s in the bag”–but all I can offer at the moment is I. Will. Try.

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

July 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Happy Birthday to G4 heroine Olivia Munn, who turned 26 this week! We think the event should be an honorary holiday for your legions of adoring followers–gamers, tech-geeks, and hipsters alike! And we would have sent an e-card to tell you so, but we’re sure your inbox is FULL.

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Happy Independence Daysian

July 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

In honor of the Fourth of July, Diana and I give you, Great Amazian-Americans in History, a two-part timeline. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?


SIZE DOES MATTER

Circa 10,000 years ago. Asian hunters cross the Bering Strait into North America, in search of big game.


FAH-REAK SHOW

1839. Thai-Chinese conjoined brothers Chang and Eng Bunker- the original “Siamese twins”–tour North Carolina with P.T. Barnum and decide to live out their lives in America. They marry the Yates sisters and have 22 children between the two of them. Li-trally.

CHING-BLING

1847. Eureka! California strikes gold. Chinese miners begin migrating by the thousands to “Gold Mountain,” living in squalid conditions while dreaming of a big payday, thereby pioneering the art of being “ghetto fabulous.”

TRANSCONTINENTAL CHU-CHU
1869. The first Transcontinental Railroad is completed, due in large part to Chinese laborers. Despite risking their lives and accepting shitty wages, these men are excluded from official pictures heralding the railroad’s opening. Which is the last time that any of us are caught without our own cameras.


THE FATHER OF MODERN SURFING AND A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF

1912. Hawaiian-born Duke Kahanamoku wins his first Olympic gold swimming medal in the 100 m free (he would medal again in the next two Games). Then he invents modern surfing. Overachiever! Showoff!

THE WONG AND ONLY

1921
. Third-generation American Anna May Wong makes her debut at age 16 in the movie Bits of Life. The high point of Wong’s career will come later in Shanghai Express, when she nearly upstages her co-star Marlene Dietrich.

And can we talk about how great her bangs look? Bitch was fierce.

THE BALLER
1927. Hawaiian running back Walter “Sneeze” Achiu becomes the first Asian-American football player to join the nascent National Football League. Bless you, Walter.

CAN I HELP YA HELP YA HELP YA?
1928. Chi Alpha Delta, the first Asian-American sorority, forms at UCLA. Which is the only time in history that we’ve actually rooted for sorority girls.

AND HOWE

1932. Chinese-born cinematographer James Wong Howe shoots his first talkie. People likie his films very much. He workie long time in Hollywoo, winnie two Oscars and makie his parents very proud.

PAGING MARTY SCORSESE

1932. California native Katherine Cheung becomes the first Asian aviatrix. And, along the way, she teaches little girls everywhere how to rock a knee-high boot without looking like a cheap hooker.

Brava!

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