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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! The People In The Panda Suits

December 6th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Pandas are sickeningly cute. But they’re also dumb as fuck. They survive almost entirely on bamboo, which poses all kinds of problems; they frequently kill their young by accident or neglect; and they seem to have something against sex and reproducing more sickeningly-cute-but-dumb-as-fuck panda spawn.

Researchers at the famed Hetaoping Research and Conservation Centre in Sichuan Province, China, have been working their asses off to keep these adorable dummies from disappearing off the face of the planet, and one of their innovations is dressing themselves up in panda suits when it comes time to introduce the real pandas into the wild. To, presumably, get those pandas raised in captivity used to being around other pandas, or something like that?

No idea if it’ll work–the last panda the Hetaoping researchers introduced into the wild, Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! The People In The Panda Suits

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AMAZIANS OF THE WEEK! The Tran Family USA

November 29th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

The story could’ve seemed a little sketchy. An Aussie named James West was cc’d on an American Tran family’s emails for three years (there is, in fact, an American “Jimmy” West related to the family). And though he generally trashed the emails as SPAM, this year, he got interested. He read through a thread as it built up to the Thanksgiving holiday–intrigued by talk of famous deviled eggs, “hoppy” beer and cheese broccoli casserole–and realized something: he wanted to attend the Tran family Thanksgiving. More importantly, he had to track down the Trans, and fast.

But he couldn’t just creepily stalk the family, he had to come clean first. If you’re going to pursue a strange family, you have to do it out in the open. So he took to YouTube:

In one of the most interesting social experiments of recent times, West documented his search for the family as he raced against the clock in order to hop on a plane to Florida in time for Turkey Day, if only to figure out what “Stove Top” was–all while building a supportive groundswell among the YouTube community.

Not only did he find them, but they welcomed him into their home for what seemed like a truly lovely Thanksgiving dinner. A happy ending indeed!

Continue reading AMAZIANS OF THE WEEK! The Tran Family USA

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Yawning Pandasian

September 5th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


If this photo of one-month-old panda cub A Bao yawning is enough to turn my vegetarian, dog-fostering, PETA-member friend into a gushing and rabid freak–one that declares, “I want to keep him in a jar! Where he will yawn all day long! In my jar!”–who’s to blame for the downhill spiral? The too-fricking-cute panda or my friend?

I blame the panda. You can’t yawn like that and expect to be left alone.

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Thanks, Eliza!

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Yes She Can

August 29th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Senator Obama’s speech last night at Invesco field–as it must have appeared on TV and the web–was surreal, historic, and glorious from start to finish. I watched in almost silent awe, blubbering like a baby, my flag waving furiously in my right hand… taking my eyes off of the most eloquent speaker of our time only to turn around and periodically gauge the reaction of Hillary Rodham Clinton, who was sitting about four feet behind me (So was Madeleine Albright, Gov. David Patterson, Mayor Villaraigosa… nyyyeah, I had some okay seats).

Clinton–who looked radiant, rested, and redeemed nn a chic, ivory suit–was both gracious and warm for the speech’s duration, clapping the “Yes We Can” beat longer than all of the others in her private box, listening seriously and then grinning like a beauty queen when all was said and done. The display was so warm and fuzzy that it had me singing Operation Ivy’s “Unity” in my buzzy brain all night, and imagining that everyone in the stadium was like, totally holding hands and forgiving each others’ differences and stuff.

With all of these feverish, giddy, magical feelings swirling through the stadium of 70,000 (or so) chantin’, flag-flyin’ Democrats, it suddenly seemed that everything looked more beautiful than they ever had before: the fireworks’ spectacular red glare was so very red that it made us bleed American, Stevie Wonder’s sweet voice lingered in the air as if played by a magical, silvery, lyre, and Michelle Obama gleamed like a goddess, looking her most stunning and beautifully-dressed.

I know, I know. I thought it was the wine and fervor, too. Until I found out today that our potential future first lady was dressed–not in Armani, not in Chanel–but Thakoon.


Dressed by an Asian and looking her most-ever fly? Well, that’s no surprise whatsoever.

And that’s not just the wine and fervor talking.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

August 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Happy birthday to Zhen Zhen and Su Lin, two panda bear sisters at the San Diego Zoo who turned 1 and 3 on Sunday. Here’s footage of them playing with their birthday cake:

If only we could bottle the magical cuteness of pandas–we’d be filthy rich!

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Coach Liang Chow

July 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Name: Liang Chow

Hails from: Beijing

Occupation: Head coach of the U.S. Olympic women’s gymnastics team

Known for: Along with his wife Liwen Zhuang, coaching top U.S. powerhouse Shawn Johnson, who calls Chow her “second dad,” to greatness; making his protege part-Asian (“I have the precision and technique people admire in the Chinese and the power that’s typical of American gymnasts. It makes me stand out,” she’s said); bouncing back from the devastating floods in Iowa (Chow now resides in West Des Moines), which badly damaged his gym; being a member of the Chinese bronze medal-winning team at the 1989 World Championships.

Unlike most Hardass Gymnastics Coaches, Coach Chow can often be seen smiling and laughing on the sidelines. And now that he’s returning to his hometown as head coach of the women’s team with the all-around gold medal favorite in Johnson, he has plenty more to smile about.

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Mirai Nagasu

January 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Name: Mirai Nagasu

Hails from: Arcadia, California

Occupation: Figure Skater and newly-crowned U.S. Champion

Known for: Being the second-youngest U.S. champ in history at 14, standing all of 4’11″ tall, an infectious smile, “extraordinary posture…when she skates” (according to Peggy Fleming), being so durned cute we just want to squeeze her.

After falling on her opening jump in the long program, Mirai regrouped and skated beautifully, later telling reporters, “The fall on the double axel was like a kick in the butt,” she said. “After that, I was like, `Attack!’”

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Speaking of Robots

January 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

This little guy, dubbed “Yuki-taro,” is a self-guided Japanese robot that clears snowbanks and compresses them into perfect bricks of ice:

Stick that in your robo-eye, Ann Curry!

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Welcome, Friends!!

December 17th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


CNN.com reports that two new species of mammals have been discovered in the Foja mountains rainforest in eastern Papua province of Indonesia: a giant rat (see that cuddly otter-looking thing on the left) and a tiny possom (with that squinchy little possum fist on the right).

Papua has some of the world’s largest tracts of rainforest, but like elsewhere in Indonesia they are being ravaged by illegal logging. Scientists said last year that the Foja area was not under immediate threat, largely because it was so remote.

“It’s comforting to know that there is a place on Earth so isolated that it remains the absolute realm of wild nature,” said expedition leader Bruce Beehler. “We were pleased to see that this little piece of Eden remains as pristine and enchanting as it was when we first visited.”

Congratulasians to the Foja region for being so fucking remote that no one on the planet wants to rape and pillage its resources/build a condo complex there, so that we can, in the 21st century, meet cute new furry animals like those two weirdly-sized cuties above.

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My Hear-o!!

December 6th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Oh, bah. As I’m sure you all know by now, DISGRASIAN does not fancy Masi Oka’s character on Heroes–Hiro–we don’t believe he’s much of a Japanese hero at all. And ever since the beginning, we ‘ve sniffed our noses at his fisting, blubbery nonsense.

Now this little guy, with his shrunken/nonexistent ears and soft little tummy…

…HE just stood up for the first time, with nary a fist in the air.

Now that’s a hero. Sigh.

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Thanks, Eliza!

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All We Are Saying Is Give Yoko a Chance

October 2nd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

A week from today on October 9, Yoko Ono will unveil the Imagine Peace Tower in Reykjavik, Iceland. The tower, which is a giant beam of light emanating from a wishing well, will bear the words “imagine peace” in 24 languages.

Ono has been collecting wishes for peace–of which she now has 495,000–which will be buried in capsules around the tower, topped by a tree. “Eventually, it will be like a forest,” she says.

The unveiling is Yoko’s gift to her late husband John Lennon, who would have celebrated his 67th birthday next week.

…Say what you will about Miss Ono, but we dig her pacifist vibes. Anyone feel like hopping a plane to Rejkjavik?

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DISGRASIANS OF THE WEAK: Love Letters

August 3rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

We always know we’re doing something right when we get fan mail at DISGRASIAN HQ. In the past few weeks, we’ve been getting a lot of it, so “Yay, Us!” We thought we’d send you off into the weekend with the best of the bunch and our responses, which are sure to inspire the fuzziest of fuzzy tummy feelings.

Here’s a letter we received after we posted about bastardly.com and their policy of giving Asian actresses and models ching-chong accents:

Hi Don,

You’ve proven one very important point, which is, if you marry an Asian–especially a linguistically-challenged one–you automatically earn the right to decide what is or isn’t offensive to Asians. Good for you! Your wife is very lucky–I mean, “She so rucky!! Wubba wubba!” Tee hee! Isn’t that funny? Yuk yuk yuk!

walm legalds,

DISGRASIAN

☆☆☆☆☆

Then there was this terse little missive, left on our MySpace page:

Dear Yen,

We’re so happy to be giving our people “a even” (sic) worse reputation than before, because, frankly, we were so bored with our old one. You know, the whole rep about Asian men having small you-know-whats and Asian women with their sideways vajayjays, and none of us speaking a lick of intelligible English. You’re right, buddy, it’s all been downhill from there. Boy, are you observant! If we had a gold star to spare, we’d lick it and stick it on your forehead. Thanks for sharing and caring!

all the BEST,

DISGRASIAN

☆☆☆☆☆

And then we got this valentine, from one impassioned Gwen SteFANny:

Dear Eric,

OMG. That may be the first time anyone’s called us “simple-minded fucks”! Thanks so much!!! It’s so burdensome to be thought of as smart and studious all the time. And you’re so right–white people should act like white people. You are totally feeling our message, bro. As for Tragic Kingdom being a classic album, we could not agree more. It’s right up there with Sgt. Pepper’s, another record made by our enemy, white people.

lovingly,

DISGRASIAN

☆☆☆☆☆

And finally, we received this ode to Us, from an even more impassioned SteFANny:

Oh Mikael, Mikael, Mikael, while your threats of genital maiming do frighten us, we’re not sure how you would do such damage to our coochie cooches with an ordinary house wrench. Which begs the question–have you ever seen a vagina? And for that matter, have you seen a wrench? Do you know what either of those things are? We’re thinking that you probably never will.

We pity you. Have a great weekend!

wrenchingly yours,

DISGRASIAN

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