You are currently browsing posts tagged with Foreign Languages

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Wendy Vo

February 11th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Name: Wendy Vo

Occupation: student, child prodigy, cutie patootie

Known for: having the cutest cheeks we’ve ever wanted to pinch, speaking–by the age of 8–11 languages fluently (including Vietnamese, Russian, Arabic and Portuguese), composing 44 songs, being the youngest member of ASCAP.

Last month, Forbes named her among its Top Ten Role Models 18 and Under, which we can’t argue with–all we know is that we sure as heck wish we were a little more like her.

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Thanks, jRu!

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Doublethink

March 22nd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I like to think of myself as a good reader. I took all of these useless lit courses in college about semiotics and hermeneutics and dialectics; I am also a proud owner of a Master’s of Fucking Around. But when I first looked at this ESPN.com story, I found myself without any critical faculties and reduced to reaching for a very full Xanax bottle:

“Kobe Bryant’s Lakers jersey is the cream of the NBA jersey crop in the United States … and now China. Sales of Kobe’s No. 24 displaced Tracy McGrady as China’s most popular seller.

The Los Angeles Lakers’ star has the top-selling jersey there, while sales of Yao Ming’s jersey in his home country continue to fall, according to results released by the NBA on Tuesday.”

The unmitigated stream-of-consciousness panic attack that followed went something like this:

profound shame one billion disgrasians profound shame race traitors profound shame fuck all y’all profound shame benedict arnolds profound shame 23 plus 1 is 24 profound shame you’ll never be michael
profound shamerape
profound shame not going to the playoffs profound shame i hate the lakers profound shame you’re a booger-eater profound shame shame go away come again another day eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

Two peach-colored Xannies later, I took a closer look at the article and received new insight. The piece was far more sinister the second time around. I realized it wasn’t about Kobe at all but, rather, about another subject almost as equally near and dear to my heart. Here are some telling lines:


1) according to results released by the NBA

2) NBA retail sales in China are expected to rise by more than 50 percent this year, the NBA said

3) The league plans, in conjunction with adidas, the exclusive NBA jersey supplier, to open 10 NBA stores in the country by 2008

4) viewing options of NBA games are on the rise as well, with broadcasts available on 51 television stations in China

Then the last line confirmed my suspicions.

5) At 1.3 billion, China is the world’s most populous country

Abracadabra…..Ka-ching!…………………………………….Ka-chong!

Source
Source: Sixteen Candles

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How to Speak Ka-Ching-Chong, Part 2

March 20th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

A group of NBA officials and scouts from the Chicago Bulls, the Philadelphia 76ers, the Golden State Warriors, the Phoenix Suns and the New Jersey Nets have traveled to China to attend the China Basketball Association Finals.

They’re all there to scout 20 year-old, 7-footer YI JIANLIAN, star of the Guangdong Tigers who has declared himself eligible for the next NBA draft.


You can read more about this on Yahoo, but let me just give you the summary: ka-ching-chong ka-ching-chong ka-ching-chong ka-ching-chong…zzZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzZZZZzzzZZZZZzzZZzz

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"Prison Break" for Beginners

March 16th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Reuters reports today that “(a) television station in eastern China which flouted a national ban on U.S. drama ‘Prison Break,’ said it aired the popular serial on its children’s channel for “English training” purposes.”

Click here for full story.


Hmm. This sounds suspiciously like when I tell people I watch The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel to understand our youth of today.

But, for the sake of argument, let’s review all the vocabulary Prison Break’s Chinese viewers could have learned from the show, based on a rough plot outline:

1) This guy Lincoln is WRONGFULLY ACCUSED of MURDER and sent to DEATH ROW.
2) His brother Michael commits an armed BANK ROBBERY to go to PRISON to save him.
3) They live among MURDERERS, THIEVES, MAFIOSOS, and ONE RAGINGLY QUEENY HOMICIDAL PEDOPHILE-RAPIST.
4) They ESCAPE FROM PRISON.
5) The prison doctor, who is in love with Michael, relapses into HEROIN ABUSE and almost OVERDOSES. She then gets herself into NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS.
6) The escapees GO ON THE LAM.
7) Also, the Vice President-turned-President of the country is a SCHEMING, MURDERING BITCH.
8) Oh, and, the RAGINGLY QUEENY HOMICIDAL PEDOPHILE-RAPIST gets his HAND CHOPPED OFF while on the run.

This vocab is perfect for coming to America, asking for directions to the nearest Starbucks, and marching right up to the relentlessly cheerful dude behind the counter and saying, “This is an ARMED ROBBERY. Stay calm and no one gets hurt. I need a Venti HER-ON to go. I’m in a hurry. Stare at my BLOODY STUMP and I’ll blow your f-ing brains out!”

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How to Speak Ka-Ching-Chong

March 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Recently, I’ve been reading in the sports pages a lot about American teams and leagues trying to colonize capitalize on the billion-plus Chinese viewers out there.

First, the Yankees sent a “delegation” to China. To be expected. They are, after all, the Evil Empire:
“I think the power of the Yankee brand all over the world is what’s driving this”
Not to be outdone by their nemesis, the Red Sox wanted in on the action:
“…Larry Lucchino, who once called the Yankees the “Evil Empire,” said his franchise would like to help increase baseball’s exposure in China.
Then came that NYT front-page Sports story about recruiting for Chinese kickers which Diana already, uh, discussed:
“Pro Football Grooms 3 Legs, With the Goal of a Billion Eyes”
And today, there’s a NEW STORY about China’s national team training with Major League Baseball:
“China’s participation as host of the 2008 Olympic Games is an enormous opportunity to increase the visibility of baseball in China,” commissioner Bud Selig said.

Well, good golly. I don’t know whether I should applaud all of you for your tacky unbridled opportunism or just barf on my computer.

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