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Michelle Malkin doesn’t know what a “gherkin” is. Yesterday, she posted a 60 Minutes interview with the Obamas during which Barack made tuna fish sandwiches for his family with chopped-up gherkins in them and wrote, “(D)on’t ask me what those are, I have no idea.” Is Michelle politicizing food again? Does she think tiny pickles are elitist, too? Or is she a Size Queen? Perhaps pickles are too sour for her sweet constitution. Or she doesn’t own a dictionary. You would think that, as a blogger, she’d be hip to this newfangled thing called Wikipedia. Or maybe it’s that the word “gherkin” is Persian in origin…and we know how she feels about Persians. Persians are foreign. Persians are terrorists. In which case, I gather Michelle doesn’t use the words “candy,” “lemon,” “pajama,” or “sugar” either, since they’re Persian, too. What did Michelle eat when she was pregnant? Non-elitist pickles? Like, Vlasic or something? I guess she doesn’t realize that even Vlasic makes gherkins, too. Maybe we should send some over to her, extending those tiny pickles like an olive branch? “Malkin” and “gherkin”–they actually share the same suffix! And when you combine them, you get the delightful word “merkin.” I know, I know, a merkin really has nothing to do with any of this, but for some reason, as I was thinking of Michelle Malkin and her problem with tiny pickles, a pubic hair-wig just happened to come to mind.
Remember that ad campaign from a few years back that proclaimed pork as “The Other White Meat”? If you ran that ad in China, my peeps would look at you funny and think, “Those Americans, (tongue cluck), so inscrutable.” Because pork in China isn’t the other white meat, or the other meat for that matter, it’s just meat. OUR MEAT, in fact. Chinese civilization couldn’t have sustained itself for thousands of years and invented fun stuff like gunpowder and spaghetti without consuming mass quantities of Wilburs and Babes.
Which is why there’s a major pork flap happening in China over a recent announcement that Olympic athletes will be fed specially-raised pigs who are reportedly receiving organic diets and two hours of exercise a day. The Chinese blogosphere is enraged, and here’s what they’re saying, according to the Wall Street Journal:
“I would rather be a pig for the Olympics than a human in a coal mine!”
“It actually shows how serious the food-safety problem is. What am I going to eat?”
Jessica Wu, 24, a Nanjing export-company employee who posted her own reservations on the Web, said in an interview she can “understand that the country wants to hold a glorious Games” but that “they can always find reasons to justify [giving] priority to the elite groups.”
Dude, isn’t this country called the People’s Republic? Give the people what they want. Don’t pork ‘em over!