You are currently browsing posts tagged with Florida
The story could’ve seemed a little sketchy. An Aussie named James West was cc’d on an American Tran family’s emails for three years (there is, in fact, an American “Jimmy” West related to the family). And though he generally trashed the emails as SPAM, this year, he got interested. He read through a thread as it built up to the Thanksgiving holiday–intrigued by talk of famous deviled eggs, “hoppy” beer and cheese broccoli casserole–and realized something: he wanted to attend the Tran family Thanksgiving. More importantly, he had to track down the Trans, and fast.
But he couldn’t just creepily stalk the family, he had to come clean first. If you’re going to pursue a strange family, you have to do it out in the open. So he took to YouTube:
In one of the most interesting social experiments of recent times, West documented his search for the family as he raced against the clock in order to hop on a plane to Florida in time for Turkey Day, if only to figure out what “Stove Top” was–all while building a supportive groundswell among the YouTube community.
Not only did he find them, but they welcomed him into their home for what seemed like a truly lovely Thanksgiving dinner. A happy ending indeed!
We’re reaaaaaally psyched about all of the schlepping to Florida you’ve been organizing in pursuit of Obama votes. What better way to rally that crazy battleground state for the good, than with the power of Bubbes? It’s genius!
Let’s switch gears slightly, yo. With eleven days to the election, we’re shocked to know that a startling few people have actually been made aware that Amendment 1 on Florida’s November 4 ballot has the power to eradicate the 1926 anti-Asian land ownership law still standing in the state’s constitution. As always, Amendments on ballot are confusing. To clarify: This one on the ballot is good! The old one is BAD–It’s the O.G. of anti-slant-eye racism! Sucko!
Maybe it’ll help if we show ya this little excerpt from the Tampa Tribune:
Amendment 1 on the Nov. 4 ballot would repeal a 1926 amendment that allowed the Legislature to ban “aliens ineligible for citizenship” – an old code word for Asian immigrants – from buying and owning real estate. Although the provision was never enforced and was invalidated by subsequent federal court rulings, backers of Amendment 1 believe the words should still be removed from the constitution.
Problem is, most people don’t really know what the hell Amendment 1 is, much less what side of the fence they should land on–and we think ignorant folks might err on the side of “nyet.”
Dude, there is NO FUCKING WAY our peeps can go out like that! Even if the amendment isn’t currently enforceable, it is really fucking fucked up to have to live in a state where the constitution technically says “Hey, you Jappy Chinkos, better get to steppin’ on your lease application. Got a credit report?”
And here’s another problem: the original amendment was really sneakily, craftily worded, using the word “Alien” instead of “Jappy Chinko.” (Here’s something to tell your grandma: “Grandma, we hate anti-Semitic fucks. But we ourselves should be anti…semantical fuck-overing in legislation!“) People hear “alien” and they think, “Shit! Not more Mexicans! This is my damn country!” People hear “alien” and they hear “terror,” or as our beloved Dubya says, “tare,” whatever that means… and when it doubt, it means “9/11 every day of the year.” People hear “alien” and they’re all like, “Whoa, that’s some scary un-American shit. America rules! Keep everrrbody out!”
This just won’t do. We’re Asian, and we’re really smart already, but everybody else we need to EDUCATE.
So here’s our proposal. We’d like to know if you can add this issue to your “Schlep” agenda. We’ve got the brains, you’ve got the schlep, let’s tell all the bubbes…
In return… well, isn’t kicking institutionalized racism in the balls its own return? We sure think so.
Thanks, Sarah! You rule.
Filed under: Aliens, Amendment 1, Florida, Fucked Up Shit, Fucking Backwards American States, Institutionalized Racism, November 4, Sarah Silverman, State Constitution, Terrorism, The Great Schlep, Vote
The World Series started Wednesday, and since the Red Sox are out, I wasn’t planning on watching. Except, as with the Academy Awards, the Series has a hold over me that is hard to shake, no matter how much it blows (or how much I hate
the Rays one or both of the teams). So this year, I thought I would watch it much like I do the Oscars (or Project Runway)–to see what people are wearing. I know, it sounds a little batshit. But if you’ve watched as much baseball as I have, you know that when you’re heart’s not in the game itself, you have to find something to keep your interest. Of course, when I started thinking about it, it occurred to me that there were some eerie parallels between the World Series and the presidential election, which I’m also aware sounds a little batshit. So bear with me here…and let’s play ball!
In the World Series hair department, the primary trend matchup is Mohawks versus Mullets. Toward the end of the regular season, many Tampa Bay Rays players–and their 54 year-old manager, Joe Maddon–gave themselves “The Rayhawk” to demonstrate team unity. While the Phillies’ don’t have uniform ‘dos, Game 1 starting pitcher and NLCS MVP, Cole Hamels, and outfielder Jayson Werth (pictured) share a hairstyle that borrows its name from another sport: “Hockey Hair.” The two prevailing styles are, by all appearances, totally different–punks versus pucks, Joe Strummer versus Joe the Plumber–yet they both would have you believe that the person wearing them is a rebel, a freethinker, a maverick, an agent of change, and an outsider to the Clean-Cut Establishment.
With so much attention brought to specific voter groups this election, whether they be young, old, black, Latino, Asian-American, or your Jewish grandparents, there was perhaps no group more sought after than women voters. Wasn’t that why an unknown female governor from an obscure, underpopulated state that your “average American” has never been to was brought into the race? Baseball players in this year’s Series are also getting in touch with their feminine side, whether it’s hugging it out on the field after a win, or proudly wearing what most closely resembles a slightly overgrown bikini wax on their chins.
The flat hat brim is for the fake American who lives in the big city, an urban dweller too busy with their fake life to be hard-working, patriotic or pro-America, who feeds their family with peppery, bitter lettuces foraged from Whole Foods. The curled hat brim is for the real American who lives in a small town, in a wonderful little pocket of real America, who feeds their family through their real core values, like hunting, fishing, and getting real animal carcass-blood on their hands and clothes. The flat hat brim’s origin is the streets, hip-hop, pop culture, and cool; the curled hat brim’s is the country, country music, a culture of “actual responsibilities,” and true grit. The curled hat brim is bending under the weight of its profound realness, a burden that the flat hat brim, in all of its smart eloquence, will never understand. The curled hat brim says, “God Bless America,” and the flat hat brim, well, it occasionally “palls around” with terrorists…plural.
Perhaps the most enduring World Series trend that we may get a glimpse of this year is the fact that winning often hinges on just One Big Swing. One side can seem like they’re totally out of the game and then thwack!–victory is once again up for grabs. Both World Series teams also happen to be from two important swing states, Florida and Pennsylvania. Kinda puts a new spin on the idea of a state being “in play,” doesn’t it?
Not that America’s pastime has any bearing on, like, who our next American president will be. Or does it? The first World Series pitch has already been thrown out, and I’d rather watch the game, as much as my heart’s not in it this year, than talk any more about politics. So I’ll let you readers decide…Mullets in 5? Chin-Pubes in 7? Obama in 286?