You are currently browsing posts tagged with Fisting
Jab-bering On
Perhaps it’s because I’ve been out of the country for several weeks, but I only learned this morning that a fist bump can be construed, according to FOX News, as a “terrorist fist jab.”
All I have to say to that is…PHEWWWWW! And FINALLY. Here I thought I was alone in my suspicions that the fist bump was an evil, insidious, extremist gesture. I myself have been curating evidence to support that thesis for quite some time and, based on that evidence, have long concluded that there are many of THEM among US. And most of them are as American as apple pie. Here is a tiny sampling of the terrorists living in our midst:
The New York Yankees–Bronx Bombers, Red Sox nemeses, pinstripe-wearers, ball-scratchers, and Islamic separatists all.
Miley Cyrus–Teen actor, singer, apologetic nudist, and jihadi–with Randy Jackson–American Idol judge, Journey bassist, former fatso, and Taliban member.
Larry King–Talk show host, suspenders-addict, Old Jew, mujahideen–plots against the infidels with John C. Reilly and Will Farrell–Comedians, curly-haired men, and fatwa issuers.
Dick Cheney–Vice President, hunter of humans, professional jagoff, and Hezbollah assassin.
This cute puppy–Man’s Best Friend, furniture chewer, hydrant pisser, furball, Al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade suicide bomber, aka your worst fucking nightmare.
See what I mean? They’re EVERYWHERE. Thank you, FOX News, for unearthing the truth as always. America is no doubt a safer place because of you!
(To tell FOX News that this is some serious bullshit, click here.)
SourceSourceSource
SourceSourceSource
Filed under: Barack Obama, Conservatards, Dap, Fist Bump, Fist Pound, Fisting, FOX News Is A Pillar of Integrity, Jihadis, Punch It In, Terrorist Fist Jabs, They're Everywhere, This is Bullshit
Action Hiros
Mezco Toyz is releasing Heroes action figures this June, and Toys ‘R’ Us is exclusively offering the cheerleader and the wacky Japanese dude who throws his fists up in the air when excited.
“Hilo really have to go. Must get out of Time Square, teleport to future or medieval Japan. Ooooh. Aaaaaaaah. Concentrate, Hilo. Must save world, but first, must find…arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh….eeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh….
Shit. I just clapped my pants.“
Source
Thanks, Jasmine!
Filed under: Action Figures, Crap, Fisting, Heroes, Masi Oka, Shitty Pants, The Turtle is Furious, Wacky Japs
New Year’s Resolasians
Like many of you, DISGRASIAN made New Year’s Resolutions for ’08. Some of these resolutions are diet-related, about cutting back our consumption of certain things. Some are about getting rid of bad relationships. Some are focused on eliminating negative thoughts. They’re probably just like yours in one way or another, only we call them New Year’s Resolasians. Of course, resolasians, like resolutions, are meant to be broken, and ours are kinda contingent upon other people, but keep your fingers crossed for us, anyway, will ya?
No more Buddhist Prayer Hands.
No more Fisting.
No more Mutasians.
No more Bad Fuck Charms.
No more Disgrestaurants.
No more Chinysteria.
No more Engrish as “news”.
No more Gongbangin’.
No more Racial Drag.
No more Samurites.
No more White Hooker Boots.
Filed under: Buddhist Prayer Hands, Disgrestaurants, Drive-Bis, Engrish, Fisting, Gongbangin', Mutasians, Nipple Slipples, Racial Drag, Resolasians, Samurites, Wacky Japs
My Hear-o!!
Oh, bah. As I’m sure you all know by now, DISGRASIAN does not fancy Masi Oka’s character on Heroes–Hiro–we don’t believe he’s much of a Japanese hero at all. And ever since the beginning, we ‘ve sniffed our noses at his fisting, blubbery nonsense.
Now this little guy, with his shrunken/nonexistent ears and soft little tummy…
…HE just stood up for the first time, with nary a fist in the air.
Now that’s a hero. Sigh.
Source
Thanks, Eliza!
Filed under: Amazians, Animals are a Reliable Source of Joy and Awe, Cute Things, Fisting, FUZZY TUMMY FEELINGS, Hearing Problems, Japan, Little Ears
Masi Oka: AmbASSador
We recently read that Masi Oka was named ambASSador to a non-profit called OLPC. Before we learned more about OLPC, we could only imagine what the organization’s purpose was.
An international Fisting Love campaign?
A support group for men who speak like castratos? Or Asians who speakee the Engrish?
Then we discovered that OLPC stands for One Laptop per Child. OLPC seeks to provide low-cost personal computers (for around $100) to children in developing nations. And why did they hire Masi as their ambASSador?
Dude just looks so hot caressing a computer.
Filed under: Castratos, Clowns, Engrish Is Soooooo Funny, Fisting, Just Because Heroes is Geeky Don't Mean It's Good, Masi Oka
Candy Ass
**A note from Diana’s fictional, yet very handsome twin brother**
Hello Masi,
Hi. I’m so glad to finally be writing to you. My sister talks about you all the time, but most of the time I’m zoned out because it sounds mostly like, “blah blah this is ricist” and “blah blah blah why isn’t anyone covering Roethlisberger so that he can fucking pass the ball” or “blah blah blah Lagerfeld is obsessed with young hacks.” She’s incredibly cool and brilliant and has that hot friend Jen and everything, but sometimes I can’t deal.
I don’t watch much TV, and I definitely don’t watch the show you’re on. But after seeing the video above, I’m already convinced that I don’t like or respect you.
I think you might be the most famous Asian TV actor today–it’s incredible that I’ve even heard of you, as I tend to spend most of my days focused on my race for the X-Prize or cuddled up with some Goyard, and my nights trying to make a dent in the list of Michelin-rated restaurants near my loft. Your sudden skyrocketing into the limelight seems fantastic, and it’s always nice to see an Asian person on a magazine cover or on the screen.
Diana mentioned something about your character being a “doughy, Engrish-speaking, childish, dickless clown” the other day. She also said something about “fisting.” I don’t really know what that means, but… anyway, I just don’t really know what that means. I assume, though, that your character must be incredibly banal, and dare I say it–laden with tried-and-true Asian male stereotypes? How unfortunate.
What is guiding my opinion of you, however, is your behavior in this video. This is you being you, behind the scenes in hair and makeup. And while you’re acting as yourself, you are indeed performing; moreover, you’re clowning. You’re going off-the-cuff as a weeping, weak, babyish, unfunny mess. Am I wrong, or did that fellow from Felicity just ask you if your sobs were “Japanese for…”
…For what? Insecurity?
Masi, if Asians in the media don’t take themselves seriously, nobody will. Lacking a punchline and constantly deflating yourself as a male is simply inexcusable. You can’t possibly, truly be like that ridiculous blubbering disaster, can you?
I for one, am an Asian man, that never reverts to clowning for attention. Sure, I was both an academe and an athlete. Yes, I’m incredibly successful. Okay, I’ve gotten laid more times than I’ve brushed my teeth. Fine, I’m handsome, and I’m strong, and I’m cool. I understand that that probably makes things easier for me.
But Masi, please, just try and make it easier for our other brothers, y’know? Not all of them are like me. They need a little help. And they’re looking to you for inspiration. They’re hoping that you set a standard of manhood that is respectable to make their daily lives just a little easier.
Don’t make the punchline you. Or else somebody is going to want to punch you, and I wouldn’t put it past my sis to be that somebody.
Cheers, bro. Good luck.
Seamus “Diana’s Twin” [Last name redacted]
Filed under: Brothers, Candy Asses, Clowning, Everybody Loves a Winner, Fisting, Make Us Prouod, Masi Oka
Lame Duck Politasians
Earlier this week, the International Herald Tribune reported on Prime Minister Shinzo “Dishonest” Abe’s increasing unpopularity, particularly among members of his own party. Japan is holding parliamentary elections on Sunday, and the IHT story suggested that, if Abe’s Liberal Democratic party (don’t be fooled by the name, the LDP is the conservative party) loses,
Abe, who was wildly popular when he became prime minister last September but now is hobbling with approval ratings below 30 percent, could be forced to resign after a big defeat…
“Fisting is fun!”Hmm. Sounds like somebody else I know.
“I’m with Abe. Fisting rules!”Filed under: Approval Ratings In the Shitter, Even His Own Peeps Think Shinzo Abe is a Supreme Asshole, Fisting, George Bush is a Dick, Sucks to Be You
Fisting
I’ve wondered for some time from where Masi Oka has drawn the strongest influence for the behavior of his Heroes character, Hiro…particularly the truly iconic stereotypical cartoonish stupid fun and silly fist pumping.
In March, Jen made a strong bid for Gedde “Long Duk Dong” Watanabe:
…but then I got to wondering, what if Masi never saw Gung Ho? What if he was too busy learning how to butcher the English language for the good of network television? Well then, it might have been someone else.
But if it wasn’t:
Tommie Smith and John Carlos
His Airness
This random baby
The stock photo Asian Dude…then who could it be? Who? WHO?
And then it hit me.
MARIAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Masi baby, you really are a disgrace, aren’t you?
Filed under: Express Yourself, Fisting, Gedde Watanabe, Hiro Gets No Damn Play, Mariah Carey, Masi Oka, Michael Jordan, Tommie Smith and John Carlos
