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If You Aren’t Going To Be An NBA Champ This Year, You May As Well Throw A Sweet Party
What are we all doin’ tomorrow night? A little birdie tells me that Kobe’s having a par-tay!
And it sure ain’t to celebrate his Lakers’ mortifying loss on Wednesday to the Cleveland Cavs.
Rather, tomorrow the 5-time NBA champ, 2-time NBA Finals MVP, Olympic Gold Medalist and DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamer will receive an honor that no other athlete has ever received: cement prints in front of Hollywood’s Grauman’s Chinese Theater.
And before you any of you start grossing me out by wondering aloud how big those hand and footprints are (seriously, BLEGH) please allow me to direct our attention back to the far more important headline: THERE’S GONNA BE A RAGER! You too can attend, if you have $350 to $4,000 to spend on an evening in sorta-proximity to basketball’s most talented douchetool.
According to TMZ, this over-the-top, “Asian-themed” bash is not one to miss.
The party is supposed to be INSANE — with organizers dropping roughly $50,000 to give Boulevard 3 nightclub an Asian-themed makeover in honor of Kobe enshrining his hands and feet at Grauman’s Chinese Theater earlier that day. … including a 15-foot custom made dragon.
A CUSTOM MADE DRAGON! Pish. If we had 50 Gs to spend on an “Asian theme,” you bet your ass we wouldn’t party without:
- Pai Gow poker
- Crab legs
- A “Math Bar.” What’s your pleasure: Multiplication, division, addition, subtraction, exponents, integers? You pick! Continue reading If You Aren’t Going To Be An NBA Champ This Year, You May As Well Throw A Sweet Party
Filed under: "Asian Themes", All-Star Weekend, Asians Love Gambling, Boulevard 3, Cleveland Cavaliers, Disgragers, firsts, Hardass Asian Parents, Hollywood, Huh?, Idiotic LA Events, Kobe Bryant, Kobe Bryant Gets Cement Prints At Hollywood's Grauman's Chinese Theater, Kobe Bryant Handprints, LA Lakers, Laker Hate, NBA, Say buh-bye to that big gold ball
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Li Na
Name: Li Na
Age: 29
Hails from: Wuhan, Hubei, China
Occupation: Pro Tennis Player
Known for: Coached by her husband, inspired by her late father, and supported by a mother too nervous to watch her matches, Li is a tennis player whose game is focused on family. And the blood, sweat and tears have paid off–Li is currently 10-for-10 in her matches this year.
Entering the Australian Open as 9th seed, Li has made an impressive show so far–besting Sofia Arvidsson (Sweden), Evgeniya Rodina (Russia), Barbora Zahlavova Strycova (Czech Rep.), Victoria Azarenka (Belarus) and Andrea Petkovic (Germany). She will now face top-seeded Caroline Wozniaki (Denmark) in her second-ever Australian Open semi-finals, keeping hopes high that she will bring home the first-ever Grand Slam singles tennis title to Asia.
That should make her family proud.
[Yahoo! Sports: China's Li Na Raises Asian Slam Hopes]
Thanks, Maris!
Filed under: All In the Family, Australian Open, firsts, Good Years, Li Na, Professional Athletes, Professional Tennis, Sportswomen, Tennis
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Kosik, The Talking Elephant
Name: Kosik
Hails from: Gyeonggi-do Province, South Korea
Occupation: Elephant at Everland Theme Park
Known for: His ability to “speak” human words (it is unclear whether or not he can fly when holding a feather). CBS recently reported that Kosik, a captive elephant at Everland Theme Park, has developed the ability to speak seven words in Korean (which is three more words than I can say, if you don’t count food). He is the only known living elephant to do so, and even though it’s unlikely he can understand what he’s saying, scientists are dazzled by his ever-improving pronunciasian.
Watch:
Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Kosik, The Talking Elephant
Filed under: Awesome Korean Behavior, Elephant Can Say 7 Words In Korean, Everland Theme Park, firsts, Kosik, Kosik Talking Elephant, Mimicry, Only Known Talking Elephant, Scientists, South Korean, Talking Elephant, Video
What We Want To Know About Tani Gorre Cantil-Sakauye, CA Supreme Court Chief Justice Nominee
California Gov. Schwarzenegger has nominated 3rd District Court of Appeal Justice Tani Gorre Cantil-Sakauye to be the next chief justice of the California Supreme Court, which would make Cantil-Sakauye the first Asian American (and Filipina) to lead the state’s highest court, if confirmed in November.
The LA Times calls the 50 year-old Sacramento native–who’s a Republican but also known as an “independent thinker”–”a surprise nominee who is relatively unknown outside judicial circles,” so here’s what we’d like to know about her:
- What are her politics?
- What’s up with that fabu name?
- What kind of face cream is she using and where do we get some?!
[LA Times: Gov. Schwarzenegger nominates first Asian American to lead California Supreme Court]
Thanks, Dad and Tom!
Filed under: Anti-Agin' Asian, California Politics, California Supreme Court, California Supreme Court Chief Justice, Filipina Americans, Filipinas, Filipinos, firsts, Governator Schwarzenegger, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hot Asian Ladies, Justice Tani Gorre Cantil-Sakauye, Pinaysians, Republicans, Skincare, Tani Cantil-Sakauye, Tani Gorre Cantil-Sakauye, The California Supreme Court
BABEWATCH: YouTube Makeup Guru Michelle Phan
Name: Michelle Phan
Age: 23
Occupation: Makeup artist, YouTube sensation, and Lancôme spokesperson
Why She’s a Babe: Because as YouTube’s #1 beauty vlogger–her videos have been viewed over 150 million times–Michelle Phan is helping other chicks look like babes, and that’s a beautiful thing. Also, it takes courage to face millions of viewers without a lick of makeup–you may not know it, but we wear a shit-ton when we vlog–and au naturel is how she begins each video. (It helps, of course, that Michelle’s skin is flawless and seems to be utterly lacking in pores. Bitch!) While some of the Vietnamese American makeup artist’s tutorials are cute gimmicks–like the Barbie doll one, a look she demo’ed without using a mirror–and some verge on the clichésian, like the Geisha Halloween or Anime Eyes videos, many of her videos are just plain useful, which explains why Lancôme recently signed her as their official video makeup artist in an unprecedented contract for someone who got their start on the interwebz. Peep our favorites below. Even if you’re not into makeup, you may find yourself mesmerized by Michelle’s eerily calm demeanor and soothing voice.
Makeup For Glasses (aka Makeup For Diana):
5 Minutes Makeup (aka Makeup For Really Fucking Impatient People, aka Makeup For Jen):
Continue reading BABEWATCH: YouTube Makeup Guru Michelle Phan
Filed under: 1, Beauty Bloggers, firsts, Geisha Makeup, Lancome, Makeup, Makeup Artists, Michelle Phan, Number Ones, RiceBunny, Vietnamese-Americans, Vloggers, YouTube, YouTube Sensations, YouTube Tutorials
The Miss USA Pageant And The Politics Of Beauty
One of the most awesomely fake controversies of the year has got to be the decrying of newly-crowned Miss USA Rima Fakih–the first Muslim-American and second Arab-American winner of the pageant–as a “politically-correct” choice, and the hostility demonstrated primarily by the Right toward this idea of politics mixing with beauty. Because anyone with half a fucking brain knows that politics ALWAYS mixes with beauty. Apart from a preference for facial symmetry, which has been proven in different scientific studies to be an objective and cross-cultural beauty criterion, humans aren’t born with an innate sense for what’s beautiful. In other words, beauty is not so much in the eye of the beholder as it is in the thinking. Our thinking, as in…our ideologies, belief systems, and politics? Why people are bringing this up now as some kind of newfangled liberal invention is beyond me. Was it not political that the first Eurasian Miss USA was only crowned in 1984, the first Latina Miss USA in 1985, and the first black Miss USA in 1990? Did the fact that white chicks almost always took home the title of Miss USA in the thirty-plus years before that have nothing to do with politics, and, more specifically, the political notion that “American beauty” equals Caucasian?
Look, if Miss USA is getting more politically-correct, we should all be singing hallelujah. Let’s not forget that these women still put Vaseline on their teeth to keep that crazy person’s smile on their faces and they prance around in bikinis and stilettos as though that’s a completely normal thing to do when half-naked in public, so a little swinging of the pageant’s politics toward something more progressive and a little less racist is a Barbie-heeled step in the right direction.
ALSO, just to reel this in from an overthinking place: Continue reading The Miss USA Pageant And The Politics Of Beauty
Filed under: Beauty Pageants, Fake Controversies, First Muslim-American Miss USA, firsts, Miss Michigan, Miss USA, Miss USA Rima Fakih, Pageants, Rima Fakih, Second Arab-American Miss USA, Symmetry, The Politics of Beauty, Vaseline Smiles
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Ed Wang, First Chinese American In The NFL
Name: Ed Wang
Age: 23
Hails from: Virginia
Occupation: Professional football player
So, first the good news: Over the weekend, 6’5″, 309 lbs. (no, that is not a typo) offensive tackle Ed Wang became the first Chinese American player drafted into the NFL.
As a Chinese American, a Wang, and a lifelong football fan, I weep for joy.
Now, the bad: He’s going to the Bills.
As a Chinese American, a Wang, and a lifelong football fan who’s always considered the Bills the whipping boy of the NFL–they last went to the playoffs in ’99, they’ve never won a championship, and they hold the dubious distinction of being the only team who’s gone to (and lost) four consecutive Super Bowls–I just weep.
Ah, well…two steps forward, one step back!
To learn more about Ed Wang, watch the video below. His parents Robert and Nancy are former Chinese Olympians–dad was a high-jumper, mom was a hurdler–and they’re cute as all get out. In that Hardass Asian Parent way, of course. Choice quote from Ed’s dad:
Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Ed Wang, First Chinese American In The NFL
Filed under: Asian Football Players, Big Wangs, Chinese-Americans, Ed Wang, Edward Wang, First Chinese American NFL Football Player Ed Wang, firsts, Football, History, NFL, NFL Draft, Olympians, Virginia Tech Hokies, Wangs
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Gloria Allred
Famed, self-proclaimed “feminist lawyer” Gloria Allred has accomplished some bold and fascinating things during her long, high-profile career. She sued the Boy Scouts for excluding girls. She repped Nicole Brown Simpson’s family in the O.J. Simpson murder trial. In ’04, she filed the first lawsuit in California challenging the denial of marriage licenses as being unconstitutional.
But Allred also represents Tiger’s classiest mistress, Rachel Uchitel, and helped her nab $10 million to keep her trap shut about her sexy times with the year’s most famous philanderer. She took on client Josyln James, the porn star who’s been peddling her dirty wares alongside an online log of Tiger’s banausic sexts, and seeks an apology for James’s… time?
The attorney now stands alongside a new money-grubbing fame-seeking apology-seeking bandwagoneer: Woods’s kindergarten teacher, Maureen Decker. Decker feels wronged by a story that first appeared in Charles Barkley’s book The Wicked Game, which was published in 2005–and after five years realized that Tiger Woods was wrapped in a shit spiral and ladies everywhere could cash in if they played their cards right she couldn’t take the “migraines, elevated blood pressure, and colitis” for one more day, sought Allred’s inparticular counsel, and went public with her beef.
Does simply signing clients with vaginas make one a feminist? Because we kinda think that a truly pro-fem lawyer would have been the one working to secure Elin Nordegren’s future and due financial security. Instead, she’s taking a percentage of victories for women who feel they are owed something for spreading their legs and screwing somebody else’s husband. Ah, what a powerful message: “If I fuck you, you better take care of me.”
Filed under: 15 Minutes of Fame, Bad Examples, Elin Nordegren, Fame Whores, Feminism is Dead, Feminists, firsts, Glorie Allred, I Call Bullshit, Lawsuits, Mistresses, Money-Grubbers, Rachel Uchitel, Striking While The Iron Is Hot, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods Affair, Tiger Woods Affairs, Tiger Woods Sex Scandal, Ugh
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Jeremy Lin
Name: Jeremy Lin
Hails from: Cambridge, MA (via Palo Alto, CA)
Occupation: College senior, Basketball player for Harvard University
Jeremy Lin Knows How To Win
Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Jeremy Lin
Filed under: Asian Basketball Players, Bests, Bright Young Things, College Basketball, ESPN, Everybody Loves a Winner, firsts, Hardass Asian Parenting, Harvard, Jeremy Lin, Pigeonholes, The Suzuki Method
Caption This: Liu Wen, First Asian Model In A Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
(Liu Wen is the “first Asian model” to walk in a Victoria’s Secret fashion show–if you don’t count Blasian Chanel Iman, who also made her VS debut at the same time–November 19, 2009.)
[Starpulse: Hot Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Photos]
[The Cut: Liu Wen Is the First Asian Model Confirmed for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show]
Filed under: Asian Models, Chanel Iman, Chinese Models, firsts, Heidi Klum, Lingerie, Liu Wen, Liu Wen First Asian Model Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
10 Things You Need To Know About Ming-Na
1) Ming-Na stars in the Syfy network’s new show Stargate Universe, the third TV series in the Stargate franchise.
2) According to our pal Joz at 8 Asians, Ming-Na will play the first lesbian Asian American TV series regular EVAR on the show.
3) Her character is Camille Wray, a “strategically savy (sic) member of the International Oversight Committee (IOA) and the highest ranking one stranded aboard the Destiny.” This is code for “hot lesbian not to be fucked with.”
4) Ming-Na will be engaging in some serious girl-on-girl action with 24‘s Reiko Aylesworth, who plays Wray’s Earthbound life-partner.
5) IRL, Ming-Na is a Steelers fan. Which means Diana would like to make out with her, too.
6) She has been professionally credited as “Ming-Na Wen,” “Ming Wen” and “Ming-Na.”
7) Ming-Na is 45 years old.
She has the skin of cherubs after a diamond facial.
9) She may have been the real-life inspiration for Benjamin Button.
10) We would hate on her for looking so damn good, but we’d really like to get the name of her derm.
[via 8 Asians]
[SheWired.com: Ming-Na's History-Making Gay Universe On 'SGU']
[Official Stargate Universe Website]
Filed under: Aging Gracefully, Anti-Agin' Asian, firsts, Great Skin, Lesbians, Ming-Na, Science Fiction, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
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Filed under: firsts
