You are currently browsing posts tagged with Fauxbulosity

Bad Timing Is a Bitch

October 6th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

During this horrible economic crisis, deemed our “economic Pearl Harbor” by Warren Buffett, when the Dow drops 700 points in a day and dips below 10,000 for the first time in 4 years, and people are worried about their jobs and their retirements, what we really need in this country is…a bailout plan? Job creation? Change?

No, silly. We need more FABULOSITY. Which explains why E! chose to premiere Kimora Lee Simmons’s E! True Hollywood Story Friday, chock full of sage wisdom for these hard-scrabble times:

“I am probably the queen of opulence. I love my jewelry. I love my diamonds. I love my shoes. I have diamond shoes. Some people might prefer more demure look. I like it all out screaming. I don’t care.” – Kimora Lee Simmons

“In high school she had a Gucci bag or Louis Vuitton bag. We didn’t even know what that was.” – Shani Johnson, childhood friend

“She calls me as soon as Ming came out. I showed up at the hospital and I walk in and Kimora is ordering like gourmet food from Mr. Chows – still freshly had the baby like 10, 15 minutes ago and is ordering high end $500 Chinese food, and I put my order in too.” – Tyra Banks

Don’t despair if you missed the first showing. E! is running Kimora’s THS all this week. Crisis? What crisis?!


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Make New Friends But Keep the Old, One is Silver and the Other Is Gold

June 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Kimora + Cartier = BFFs

I never really understood the lyrics to a song we used to sing in rounds around the campfire in Girl Scouts:

Make new friends, but keep the old/One is silver, and the other is gold

At the time, I didn’t grasp that “silver” and “gold” were metaphors; I thought, instead, that they were the actual “friends” you were supposed to make and keep. Which, to my young, acquisitive, little girl-mind, sounded suh-weet, since jewelry was sparkly and pretty and what grown-up ladies wore.

I guess I’m not the only one who’s suffered that delusion, as our Fauxbulous “friend” Kimora Lee told People magazine Wednesday that she and Djimon were in attendance at the 3rd Annual Cartier Loveday charity event in L.A. because, “(W)e’re really good friends and supporters of Cartier…”

Kimora also said that she and her BF were “kind of” engaged, making her 2-for-2 in the category of Understanding Relationships and Their Infinite Complexities.


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We Swear We Didn’t Do This

April 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

…but we sure wish we had!

Thanks, Jasmine!

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Love Her or Hate Her, It’s Still an Obsession

March 31st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The “her” in question being Miz Hello Kitty, of course.


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"Fruity Oriental"

March 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I don’t wear perfume. I find it too sweet and cloying, like Brooke White on American Idol. For that reason and, um, a few others, you won’t find me dabbing Kimora Lee Simmons’ latest self-promoting pile of ‘ca ware, Fabulosity the fragranzzz, behind my ears any time soon.

What did grab my attention regarding Kimora’s new perfume was its description on several sites as a “fruity oriental.” I was, like, come again? Who ya callin’ Fruity Oriental?

But then the Great Google Oracle told me that Fruity Oriental is actually a common classification in the olfactive arts.

Shows you what I know about fragrance.

Thanks, Jasmine!

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Rosemora’s Baby

March 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Kimora Lee Simmons denied pregnancy rumors Friday when she spoke at Washington University in St. Louis. “I’m in the paper every single week – that I had a fight with my ex-husband, or that I was mad at one of his girlfriends, or that I’m pregnant, or that I demand Fiji water,” she said. “Lies upon lies upon lies.”

The fauxbulous Simmons also issued a warning to gossip rags, saying, “Y’all better not try to Lisa Marie Presley my ass because I will not go quietly in the night with that. You do that to Kimora Lee, and I guarantee to fuck your shit up.”*

*or something like that


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January 30th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

As some of you may have heard already, Kimora Lee Simmons endorsed Hillary Clinton for President last week, most likely to avoid paying an expensive NYC parking ticket.

KIMORA: Hill! You are now officially…fabulooooouuuuusssss!

HILLARY: Thank you, Kimora, that’s very kind.

KIMORA: How fabu-tastic is it that I endorsed you? Sistas are doing it for themse-e-elves.

HILLARY: I think it’s…it’s just…great.

KIMORA: Well, you don’t sound very fabulotized. I thought you would be happy, Hill, because, um, you know…

HILLARY: Because I’m desperate to get the black vote?

KIMORA: Uh-huh. And I’m reprzentin’ for Asians, too, and for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf.


KIMORA: I don’t really control what comes out of my mouth.

HILLARY: I thank you, Kimora, for giving me your endorsement. I’m sure, uh, it will really really really make a difference. Somewhere. Sometime. In some universe.

KIMORA: Hillary, you are totally speaking my language. The language of fabu-lishiousness. The language of fabu-changement. The mother tongue of fabu-dorsements, the lingua franca of fabulamma lamma ka dinga da dinga…

HILLARY: Okay. I’ve had enough. Where the fuck is my Secret Service?


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Kimora Money, Kimora Problems*

January 22nd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
From this month’s Harper’s Bazaar: “He’s a reality check for me, and I’m a fabulosity check for him”

Over the holidays, Diana and I decided to put a Kimoratorium on DISGRASIAN’s favorite self-promoting tranny. What Kimora could we say about her? That bitch liked to fight? That she stood for nothing? That she was fauxbulous? Yawn. Yawn. zZZzzzzZzzz.

But then we read in the New York Post this week that Simmons and boy toy Djimon (who is actually 43 years old) recently went shopping at Barneys in New York, and her Cadillac Escalade was not only illegally parked, but it was displaying a New York Correction Department permit on its dash that read, “This Vehicle Is On Official Business.” The department is now investigating whether the permit is fer reals or not.

Kimora and a FAKE parking permit?!? Shocking! Guess the Kimoratorium’s over. Sigh. And we were just beginning to enjoy 2008, too.

Title and story courtesy of Greenie!

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