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When you hear the words “McDonald’s Asian Salad” uttered together–which bills itself as “the perfect combination of deliciousness with snow peas, mandarin oranges and edamame…topped with Newman’s Own® Low-Fat Sesame Ginger Dressing”–is “racist” the first thing that comes to mind?
Or do you, like me, think: “How many times does your mom have to drop you on your head as a baby for you to order salad at McDonald’s?”
Thanks, Fitz and Meatbars!
Filed under: Asian Food, Asian Salads, Fast Food, Fast Food Salads, Graffiti, Harmony, I'm Lovin' It, McDonald's, McDonald's Asian Salad, McDonald's Premium Asian Salad, McDonald's Salads, Mickey D's, Racist Food, Tagging, WTF?
In an effort to promote the debut of Windows 7 last week in Japan, Microsoft partnered up with Burger King to offer this monstrosity, the Windows 7 Whopper:
Seven Whopper patties, 1.7 lbs of meat, and 2,120 calories for 777 yen.
So what this tells me about Microsoft’s latest operating system is…
- Windows 7 is messy.
- Windows 7 will make me puke.
- Windows 7 is bad for me.
- Microsoft ad people suck.
- Windows 7 will give me diabeetus.
- Windows 7 is trying to kill me.
- Windows 7 is for sad people.
Great ad campaign, guys!
I guess we should be glad that a glorious, gorgeous, out-of-this-world, epicurean goddess like yourself would agree to do a commercial for a fast-food joint. Because even though you have a beating heart, two eyes… even though you drink, sleep, excrete, and screw, it’s hard for us to accept that you’re a real-live person, much less one of the people.
Okay, we can appreciate what’s going on here: the fact that you’ll soon be using that face to peddle sloppy burgers for Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. (same beast) brings you down to Earth. It shows us your lowest common denominator. It proves that processed meats and sesame seed buns are not just for the ignorant, saddle-bagged, Tuna Helper masses of Middle America, but also for famous, particular, beautiful, elegant TV hosts from Manhattan. It’s meant to show us that this famous author’s ex-wife is real, and for that matter, so is Hardee’s. Now everybody, rich or poor, finicky or not, has the ability to get real along with you. Yeah. That’s really lovely.
But Padma. We feel that despite the motivation, you’re better than this. You do not want to take career cues from Paris Hilton. We’ve watched enough Top Chef to know that these quick burgers are not up to your standards, even after a bottle of wine (trust us, we’ve eaten enough of them for anybody). More importantly, we’ve never actually seen a commercial of this ilk that made us want to even eat food–in fact, they almost always inspire waves of nausea and a lasting aversion to the sound of chewing.
Maybe your “beautiful love song to food” will be enough to change our minds. But at the moment, we’re hard-pressed to truly believe that.
PINK: God, Coachella was so hot. I’m glad we got the hellz outta there.
BAI LING: It so hot!
PINK: Now that we’ve finished our Bacon burgers, let’s pose in front of the Wendy’s menu. Like an ironic hot picture. Cuz we are fucking sizzling sex bitches and fast food is for the commoners.
BAI LING: Yes! I looking hot and sexy in my tiny top! With a hot, greasy man in front of a hot, greasy fast food house!
PINK: What man?
BAI LING: You. You man.
PINK: I’m not a man. I’m a rock star.
BAI LING: Rock?
PINK: Well, I like to think of myself as kind of a pioneer of butch-top 40-punk rockish-pop.
BAI LING: I like punk rock!
PINK: But I’m a chick, you bitch. I came out when Britney was huge. I married a professional motocross dude and we made wedding loogies. The marriage wasn’t great, but the loogies rocked.
BAI LING: So, you not a man.
PINK: No, I’m Pink! I’m Punk!
BAI LING: So, you not a man.
PINK: Look at this, girl. (points to mid-section) I am one hundred percent wo-man.
BAI LING: Is that supposed to be ironic?