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We Wanna Party with Japan’s New First Lady

September 4th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

You may have heard by now of the historic election that took place in Japan Sunday, where the Democratic Party of Japan won a landslide victory in parliament over the conservative Liberal Democratic Party (I know, confusing), thus ending the LDP’s half-century stronghold in the country.

The Economist called the election “earth-shattering” and blahblahblah, but what I really want to talk about is way more important.

Miyuki Hatoyama, Japan’s New First Lady and Space Traveler

Miyuki Hatoyama, a former dancer, actress, cookbook writer, and the wife of incoming prime minister, Yukio Hatoyama, has been to outer space. In a book she published last year entitled, Very Strange Things I’ve Encountered, Miyuki describes the experience she had 20 years ago:

While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus. It was a very beautiful place and it was really green.

According to FOX News, Miyuki also claims that she was friends long ago with Tom Cruise, in a previous life, WHEN HE WAS JAPANESE. (Suddenly The Last Samurai makes perfect sense. Okay, no, still not really.)

Miyuki’s husband will be sworn in on September 16, but until then, the First Couple will be enjoying their last moments of relative calm before prime minister Hatoyama is expected to revive Japan’s flagging economy and reform its government. This weekend, for example, they’ll be in northern Nevada at Burning Man, dropping tabs, getting naked, zipping around the desert floor on homemade motorized couches, making new friends in a communal mud bath, making sculpture, watching, um, things burn, possibly visiting outer space one more time, and, of course, staying very, very hydrated.*

*Not true, but I so want it to be.

[Reuters: Japan's new first lady says rode in a spaceship]

Thanks all!

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(I Am Your) Brother from Another Planet

January 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Y’all heard about the recent UFO sighting in my home state Texas, right? I figured that was a bunch of horseshit, as we would say in the Lone Star State, until Wednesday night, when I was given a reason to believe that one of Them is among us.

His name is Renaldo Lapuz, and he auditioned for American Idol this week. I suspect that Lapuz flew in on his feathered hat, and that it was marked with the name of his intended abduction victim.

The metallic element in the extraterrestrial’s cape was identifiable to the naked eye as lunar silver, distinguishable by its unique iridescent sheen.

But the dead giveaway that Lapuz is an alien life form was his claim that he hailed from Reno, Nevada. Nevada, home to The Extraterrestrial Highway and the most UFO sightings on planet Earth. Fortunately for all parties involved, Lapuz turned out to be a friendly visitor, regaling the American Idol judges with this message from his people:

I am your brother
your best friend forever
singing the songs
the music that you like

We’re brothers ’til the end of time
together forever til the end of time

And with that, Lapuz hugged Simon and bid the judges (and Earth) farewell.

Simon Cowell, whom the alien had tearfully declared “Heaven’s Chosen,” was overheard complaining after the show of minor anal cavity discomfort. Lapuz, meanwhile, is goin’ home, back to the place where he belongs, where alien love has always been enough for him…he’s goin’ ho-o-o-ome.

Source: Fox

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