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It’s always kind of amazing when a six-year old can do something extraordinary (besides touch their head while rubbing their tummy, draw stick people with actual hands instead of circles with lines popping out, or conquer every level of the Nintendo DS Lego Indiana Jones game during one single drive upstate). We love ourselves some prodigies.
So when reader Carlo tipped us off to Miko Andres, a 6-year old wunderkind from the Philippines that has already earned the honor of world’s youngest sharp shooter, we were intrigued.
First of all, guns scare me shitless, and always have. So do children (in a different way), because they’re cute, yet wiggly and so easy to drop and/or lose. The combination of the two–a gun and a kid–even in theory, was almost more than I could bear.
But here’s little Miko showcasing his talents:
Pretty bonkers, right? It’s definitely amazing, but I can’t stop freaking out throughout the entire video, thinking: What if he has some uncontrollable child fit in the middle of a trigger-pull? What if he drops that thing on the floor and shots some wild bullets into the sky? What if he gets angry at his parents when he turns thirteen and starts saying things like, ‘Mom, if you don’t make me dinner right now I swear to God I’m gonna bust a cap on your ass. And you know I can, so chop chop!’
That would be weird.
And okay, maybe not that likely.
And listen, if the parents are okay with it, I guess I should be cool, too.
From an interview with Telegraph:
“Safety is of the utmost importance,” [Miko's father] says, adding his son was having guidance and help from a range of shooting institutions to try and prevent accidents… “As a parent, I too am worried about the dangers of the sport. Accidents and injuries might happen in the course of the sport and that is always a concern.
Safety first! It’s always good to know that young sharp shooters’ parents have their priorities in order.
He added: “Here he is, the youngest practical shooter the world has ever known… Miko is very young but is determined to excel in the practical shooting sport.”
And as my parents always say: if you’re the best, first, or youngest person to do something, it really doesn’t matter how fucking safe you are! Keep up the good work!
Hails from: Los Angeles
Known for: Graduating (with a degree in astrophysics, natch), at his young age, from East Los Angeles College with an AA degree and a 4.0 GPA.
As if our parents didn’t hate us enough for waiting until our teens to finish high school: news that an adorable, dutiful kid can easily rocket through college while mastering martial arts techniques and displaying mighty charisma, citing “hard work” as opposed to “genius” for his achievements, is sure to fuel the fire.
Sigh. He’s even better in action. Check out video of the little bugger:
The people have spoken: Our readers almost unanimously nominated the Regents of the University of California as this week’s most disgraceful character.
When the tips started to trickle in, I wondered: what beef could everybody possibly have with my dear old friends at the University of California? I mean, I have a longstanding ugly issue with my alma mater (Um, if you must know, it’s an outstanding library debt–something to the tune of about $846.65. And, well, I’m keeping all those vintage Sartre texts and hardcover anthropology volumes. I’ll probably never pay up. I realize I’m writing this in a public space, but please, guys, don’t narc on me…).
Turns out, not one single person who wrote in was angry about their outrageous library dues. The officials just confirmed changes in the UC Admissions Policy, effective for the freshman class of 2012–eliminating some of the nasty, tough requirements (like two required SAT subject tests), and reducing the number of students guaranteed admission by the merits of great grades and test scores alone.
Though perhaps inadvertently, this policy apparently could decrease some of the numbers of Asian-Americans gaining entry into the UC System, while increasing the number of White students.
[Those upset with the admissions policy changes] point to a UC projection that the new standards would sharply reduce Asian-American admissions while resulting in little change for blacks and Hispanics, and a big gain for white students…
…Asian-Americans are the single largest ethnic group among UC’s 173,000 undergraduates. In 2008, they accounted for 40 percent at UCLA and 43 percent at UC Berkeley — the two most selective campuses in the UC system — as well as 50 percent at UC San Diego and 54 percent at UC Irvine.
A controversial situation, to say the least. But listen, irate friends, cuz here’s what it boils down to:
The changes have been made. And the bar, in a sense, has been lowered. And one result of that may in fact be that fewer test-acing, 4.7 GPA-rocking, so-fucking-used-to-excelling-that-they-apply-to-every-UC-campus-just-to-collect-acceptance-letters, radtastic Asian kids going to UCs in the decade(s) to come.
But dude, a school system that dumbs down the standards and evens the playing field, perhaps risking mediocrity for the sake of diversity and fairness? Uh, we’ll wager that the Asians won’t wanna go to any place like that no mo’ anyway. Lord knows their parents won’t.
Dammit all to hell.
If we had known that G4 was shooting Ninja Warrior on a custom course in SoCal’s sunny Santa Monica, just twenty minutes (or 2.3 hours, with traffic) from DISGRASIAN HQ, Jen and I would not have spent last Saturday doing frivolous, meaningless things like going for dumplings, dealing with our taxes, or attending weddings!
We would have put on our knee pads, knocked down a few Red Bull Lights, and killed that mothafuckin’ course! KILLED IT! MAIMED ITS FACE! RIPPED ITS FUGGIN’ NUTSACK OFF!
Ah well, at least our friend Olivia did:
What can we say?
When you want to exude excellence, always bet on yellow. Rowr!
The Durex Sexual Wellbeing Survey, which polled 26,000 people in 26 countries, was released yesterday with one shocking point of analysis: People from China and Hong Kong are the least likely to climax during sex.
Reuters reports that “Less than a quarter — 24 percent — of those surveyed from China and Hong Kong were able to achieve an orgasm every time they had sex.“
This saddens me for a number of reasons, namely:
1) Chinese people are WINNERS. They should never be least likely to do anything–save for least likely to “not succeed” or “fail” or “do poorly on a test” or “lose in a Mahjong tournament” or “turn up their nose at a shiny new Acura.”
2) Sex is really fun. The thought of my overseas brethren suffering through hours of pointless, bad sex makes me want to punch a bitch.
3) Orgasms are what make sex fun. The rest of it (for the most part) is just fiddly, clunky, sometimes-smelly bullshit that ultimately leads up to the fun part.
4) The lack of screaming in the bedroom must directly translate into hot and bothered mothers screaming at their children to “PRACTICE THE PIANO OR ELSE YOU DISHONOR FAMILY!!!” and that kinda sucks.
5) I refuse to believe that our peeps are not good at ocean motion. I think it’s just nerves.
And nerves… nerves we can deal with. Here is my advice to all of our bruthas and sistas in Asia. You can come lately! The problem is simply that you’ve got big brains, and you’re using them too much. Try not to overthink it. Just RELAX. Stop using your graphing calculator to assess your partner’s increased heart rate and blood flow to the erogenous zones.
And when in doubt, put on sexy music. Peter Cetera is good. So is Faith Hill. If you can find songs with lyrics about “commitment” or “lifelong love” or “being partners” or “childbirth,” you’re seriously on your way to an orgasm smörgåsbord. SO EAT UP!
Barack Obama, at 45, has an undergraduate degree in political science with an emphasis on international relations, and a magna cum laude Juris Doctorate from Harvard Law School. He was elected the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, spent years as a community organizer with Chicago’s Developing Communities Project and Gamaliel Foundation, founded the successful Illinois Project Vote! (which registered 150,000 African-American voters), became a United States Senator shortly after turning 40, delivered the keynote address at the Democratic National Convention in 2004, and has published two best-selling books. On top of that, he is happily married with two beautiful daughters.
Even my parents feel like he couldn’t really excel more, except perhaps by becoming leader of the free world, which, uh…he may just accomplish by year’s end.
So tell me, Muammar Gaddafi, why Senator Obama has any reason to be considered a “black man with an inferiority complex?” The “complex” concept alone is arcane and insulting, especially coming from an African brother.
Regardless, and I think it goes without question, Obama seems pretty fuckin’ superior to me.
My three older sisters are an Asian parent’s wet dream. All three went to medical school; two went on to become physicians and one dropped out (black sheep?) to become a lawyer (nope, just a sheep). All three have groomed dogs and house deeds and entertainment systems and cars with navigation systems. All three have board and bar certifications neatly framed in mahogany in their clean offices. They pay their taxes on time. One of my sisters accidentally overpays her credit cards. They’re great. Just great.
And then there’s me. The littlest sibling, the one with the English degree, the one everyone is hoping will stop writing and start studying for the bar already. I am the Lost Baby Sis, which is a post that by now I’ve grown used to and am actually rather proud of.
The Lost Baby Sis in me ached a little today when I saw this clip of Ali Lohan (aka Lohan Jr. aka The Lohan With the Less Wonderful Genes aka Perfect For Reality TV aka 14 Going On 40 aka Never Heard of Her) on David Letterman touting the new reality show she stars in with Mother-of-the-Year Dina:
In response I would love to tell her one very important observation:
GIRL, YOU DON’T WANT TO BE.
You have to love Kristi Yamaguchi, for being so freakin’ excellent every single week on Dancing With the Stars. So good, in fact, that she’s apparently bored the bejeezus out of everybody watching. Should she win? Totally. Will she win? Totally. So where’s the suspense? Just cut to next season on The Surreal Life –her with the chyron, “Former Dancing With the Stars Champion“–and let’s call it a day.
Yamaguchi reminds me of one of those kids that wins some award every year for having the highest GPA until the day they become valedictorian and everyone sleeps through their boring graduation ceremony speech. No thrills, just excellence.
But nobody ever tries to throw a sexist spin on the race for valedictorian. Today, I actually read this story head on CNN.com:
If you’ve gotten a chance to tune in to the new season of Dancing With the Stars, you’ll see that competitor Kristi Yamaguchi is already off to an excellent start, knocking out a near-perfect foxtrot with partner Mark Ballas in the very first episode.
Last night, in Hardass-Asian-Parented-purist fashion, Kristi went for Week 2 gold–this time with a “Latin-flavored” dance. You’ve gotta give the girl props for shirking her aversion to saucy hip shakes for the opportunity to excel. And she did it! She shook the shit out of her shit, and that was pretty amazian of her.
…but did she have to do it to a song penned by the (non-Latin, non-Asian) style-biter and exploitasian mistress of the century, Gwen Stefani?
Oh, how I hated Dickens as I was growing, or rather, tumbling up. I remember the Signet Classic version of A Tale of Two Cities sitting on my desk during the fall of my freshman year of high school, taunting me with its archaic language and hateful characters and seemingly convex plot. I didn’t want to read it. Hell, I didn’t even want to smell it. Dickens didn’t “get” me, and I simply refused to “get” Chuck.
This proved to be a problem on the day our first Accelerated English book reports were due. My teacher (who was–completely unrelated to this story, but fascinatingly–fired the following year for sleeping with a varsity cheerleader) expected three to five pages on A Tale of Two Cities. My friend Margaux had printed and bound hers eons before we needed to turn them in. But I hadn’t read the book three weeks before the due date. Or two weeks before. Or two days before. The afternoon before it was due, I bought the CliffsNotes and read only through the general synopsis before I fell asleep staring at the black-and-green screen on my PC.
When I got a C-minus on my report, which made such groundbreaking statements as, “A Tale of Two Cities is a truly historic piece of literature,” and “Not surprisingly, Dickens shows a magnanimous sentiment of disdain for the established aristrocracy, which he brilliantly shows in the tumultuous story plunge of Darnay,” I wasn’t surprised. But I was especially sickened to see the comment, “You didn’t read the book. See me after class,” scribbled on the back of the last page. Thankfully, my teacher was a sucker for a sweet girl (see above) and eventually agreed to let me re-do the report for a chance at a whopping A minus–But not without teaching me a lesson: ALWAYS BE PREPARED.
I was surprised today when I saw comments from Hillary Clinton–who has been documented as such a perfection-driven, ambitious student of excellence that I’ve always considered her to be Asian–regarding Barack Obama’s hotly-discussed, highly-televised, much-anticipated speech regarding race, religion, and his Reverend:
Either m’lady was the day’s biggest liar or supremely ill-prepared, but something about today’s statement gave me flashbacks of my poorly executed five-paragraph expository essay. If any of you know Hill, can you please remind her of the section in the DISGRASIAN sidebar: “DO YOUR HOMEWORK?” It’s also very important.
Occupation: World-competitive Table Tennis Teams
Known for: seizing the World Championship titles this weekend in both male and female contests, showing the world that “China duz it better”–especially with paddles.