You are currently browsing posts tagged with Everybody’s Two Cents

DISGRASIANS OF THE WEAK: Love Letters

August 3rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

We always know we’re doing something right when we get fan mail at DISGRASIAN HQ. In the past few weeks, we’ve been getting a lot of it, so “Yay, Us!” We thought we’d send you off into the weekend with the best of the bunch and our responses, which are sure to inspire the fuzziest of fuzzy tummy feelings.

Here’s a letter we received after we posted about bastardly.com and their policy of giving Asian actresses and models ching-chong accents:

Hi Don,

You’ve proven one very important point, which is, if you marry an Asian–especially a linguistically-challenged one–you automatically earn the right to decide what is or isn’t offensive to Asians. Good for you! Your wife is very lucky–I mean, “She so rucky!! Wubba wubba!” Tee hee! Isn’t that funny? Yuk yuk yuk!

walm legalds,

DISGRASIAN

☆☆☆☆☆

Then there was this terse little missive, left on our MySpace page:

Dear Yen,

We’re so happy to be giving our people “a even” (sic) worse reputation than before, because, frankly, we were so bored with our old one. You know, the whole rep about Asian men having small you-know-whats and Asian women with their sideways vajayjays, and none of us speaking a lick of intelligible English. You’re right, buddy, it’s all been downhill from there. Boy, are you observant! If we had a gold star to spare, we’d lick it and stick it on your forehead. Thanks for sharing and caring!

all the BEST,

DISGRASIAN

☆☆☆☆☆

And then we got this valentine, from one impassioned Gwen SteFANny:

Dear Eric,

OMG. That may be the first time anyone’s called us “simple-minded fucks”! Thanks so much!!! It’s so burdensome to be thought of as smart and studious all the time. And you’re so right–white people should act like white people. You are totally feeling our message, bro. As for Tragic Kingdom being a classic album, we could not agree more. It’s right up there with Sgt. Pepper’s, another record made by our enemy, white people.

lovingly,

DISGRASIAN

☆☆☆☆☆

And finally, we received this ode to Us, from an even more impassioned SteFANny:

Oh Mikael, Mikael, Mikael, while your threats of genital maiming do frighten us, we’re not sure how you would do such damage to our coochie cooches with an ordinary house wrench. Which begs the question–have you ever seen a vagina? And for that matter, have you seen a wrench? Do you know what either of those things are? We’re thinking that you probably never will.

We pity you. Have a great weekend!

wrenchingly yours,

DISGRASIAN

Filed under: , , , , , , ,

Puo Puo Says

June 14th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


“Hello my little treasures! What wonderful timing. I’ve just made fresh scallion pancake, right off the skillet. Go ahead, try a piece. Do you think I used too much salt this time? Puo Puo’s cooking is not what it used to be, but my bing is still better than my best friend Shen A-yi’s bing, if I do say so myself.”

“Before my afternoon nap yesterday, I was catching up on my tabloids–after reading the Chinese newspaper first, of course–when I came across this interesting announcement.”

“Splendid news, if you ask Puo Puo. A-Le Guo-Le has always been my favorite. Oh how I wept when The Cowboy stole the election from Guo-Le back in, when was it exactly, little ones? No matter. Puo Puo supports Guo-Le’s stance on the environment, and enjoyed his film immensely, even if I don’t believe the former #2 president drags around his own luggage in airports. Things would become very exciting if Guo-Le joins the race, as exciting as my Thursday mah-jong game, which I am shamefully late for. Now if only Guo-Le could lose a chin or two by autumn.”

Puo Puo’s verdict:

“Time to gather my nickels for mah-jong. Wish Puo Puo luck–not that I need it!”

Source Source Source

Filed under: , , , ,

Puo Puo Says

June 6th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Puo Puo is wise. Puo Puo is all-knowing. Puo Puo could needlepoint you under a table and make a gross of wontons with one hand tied behind her back, not to mention clean your clock in mah-jong. Puo Puo has seen it all in her 80+ years of life–famine, death, war, and peace. And now, DISGRASIAN is honored to introduce Puo Puo as…our new political analyst!

Take it away, Puo Puo!

“Oh, thank you, my little treasures, for such a wonderful introduction. I am just an old woman who never went to college and my mind isn’t what it used to be. I could hide a nickel in my face with all these wrinkles. I really know nothing about politics, but I’ve always got two cents in my pocket!”

“My granddaughters have tried to make this job easier by giving me a rating system of what I believe are happy faces. I can’t see so well even with my glasses, but aren’t they adorable?”


“I’ll begin with Ju Li An Yi, as I was always taught to respect my elders. I hear that he has had three wives. My grandfather had three wives, and my grandmother–his 3rd–was the favorite, of course. She was a great beauty, and the other two were absolute, well, no matter. Having many wives is not such a bad thing in Puo Puo’s book. But two divorces? So shameful. Also what is shameful? Ju Li An Yi’s disownment of his only son–cluck, cluck–although Puo Puo has disowned a son or two in her time. Puo Puo supports Ju Li An Yi’s opinion on women’s rights, but not his chipmunk teeth.”

Puo Puo’s verdict:

“Puo Puo loves a woman who speaks her mind. But a woman who changes her mind like a current in the Yangtze? This is a problem. First she says she doesn’t bake cookies, then she says she does. Yes to war, then no. I wonder if Hee La Ree even knows how to bake a cookie. Hee La Ree’s cookies would surely be no match to Puo Puo’s, which are A Number One The Best. You’ll have to excuse me–in my dotage, I have taken to boasting. Very shameful, I know. Puo Puo believes Hee La Ree’s mind is as sharp as any man’s, now if she would only get rid of that mannish haircut.”

Puo Puo’s verdict:

“As you can see, Puo Puo hates to pick a winner. I’ll leave those decisions to you smart little ones. But come visit again soon–next time, I’ll make scallion pancake. Zai Jian!

Source
Source

Filed under: , , , ,

Tell Us How You Really Feel

April 23rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Some devoted DISGRASIAN readers have sweetly asked us why we don’t post comments. We have our reasons, but rather than give you a long-winded explanation, I’m just going to publish the comments I found today on autoblog.com that were allegedly pertaining to one of Chinese automaker Geely’s new prototypes, to be unveiled in Shanghai this week:


2. Chinese people don’t have a soul.

Posted at 5:40PM on Apr 16th 2007 by GOD

7. Its like the Chinese designers don’t even copy the original cars, they copy the toy version of the car. So it comes out looking like a lumpy retarded version of the original.

Disgusting.

Posted at 6:11PM on Apr 16th 2007 by LUMPY RETARDS MUST DIE

15. I didnt even know chinese made cars, thought that was japans job, who knew.

Posted at 7:36PM on Apr 16th 2007 by THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE TO ME

22. …We discounted the Japanese and laughed at the Koreans when they first started. Don’t make that same mistake with the Chinese.

Posted at 12:50AM on Apr 17th 2007 by RUNNING FOR THE HILLS FROM THOSE SLANTY-EYED INVADERS

(all names have been changed for purposes of anonymity)

Filed under: , , , ,