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Every Day Is Halloween For Bai Ling

October 8th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Bai Ling stopped by The Howard Stern Show Wednesday, where she claimed to be drug and alcohol-free. “I’m naturally high,” she said, “if I want alcohol drug I can use myself.” She also went dressed as Stern, although the end result was more Slash circa Appetite for Destruction:

Good look. Keep it up.

Even though it was three weeks before Halloween and a bit early for costumes, we’re just happy her nipples were tucked away and nowhere to be seen for a change. Well done, Bai!

[Naked Seduction: First time any one played Howard Stern and that is Bailing]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Band-Asian

May 2nd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Bai Ling made a signature appearance at the premiere of What Happens In Vegas this week–looking quite a bit like Wilbur’s favorite arachna-friend, Charlotte, after a long day with Bob Mackie. We were, as always, delighted to see that she was again rocking a pair of “personalized” band-aids on her bruised-up shins while posing wackily on the red carpet.

Somebody once told us that the true philosophical secrets to life actually lie in the most unlikely places.

They include:

1) Snapple® bottle caps

2) Su Ho’s fortune cookies

3) The diary of my neighborhood weed dealer, Marybeth Coozkins

4) The …For the Soul book series

5) Cadbury eggs

6) Bai Ling’s band-aids

So of course we looked closely this time*, to see what new epiphanies were being unlocked! Take a look:

Whoa.

Whoa.

What does it mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

*See the original, even *more* DISGRASIAN close-up here.

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Wi’ and Bai

March 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Poor Bai Ling. Homegirl can’t catch a break. I know, I know. I can’t believe that I just wrote “poor Bai” either. But ever since she was arrested for shoplifting, and her pathetic mugshot got plastered all over the internet, my feelings toward her have thawed somewhat, like the polar ice caps. Yesterday, our friends at Go Fug Yourself took a poll of who was more fug, Bai or Kelly Clarkson, and Bai won by a landslide. Which could quite possibly be the only thing Bai’s won her whole life.

And last week, after Winona Ryder reportedly got caught shoplifting again (drugstore makeup, no less), ABC News published a story asking “Why Do Stars Steal?”, comparing Winona to Bai. It seemed unfair, since Winona was busted for shoplifting before, after attempting to jack $5,000 worth of goods from Saks, armed with scissors and prescription pills, and Bai only tried to steal once, and that was for $16 worth of mags and batteries.

Other key differences between Wi’ and Bai:

1) Wi’ has big breastises. Bai…has no idea that she has breastises which explains why they are constantly falling out of her dresses.

2) Wi’ is from Petaluma. Bai…is from outerspace.

3) Wi’ dated Johnny Depp. Bai…was once a pirate for Halloween.

4) Wi’ knows what dick is. Bai…wait, what does it mean, “dick”?

5) Wi’ gets rewarded for shoplifting with a Marc Jacobs ad-campaign. Bai…gets dick. But, just to look on the bright side, at least she now knows what dick is.

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Halloween and Nipples Go Together Like Ramma Lamma Lamma Ka Dinga Da Dinga Dong

October 31st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

This Halloween, Bai Ling has decided to go as…

…a Topless Cowgirl-slash-Art History doctoral candidate of the Old Masturbators. Er, I mean, the Old Masters.

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