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Northwestern University student Lawrence Dai either loves French food or painfully bad movies–he’s watching Julie & Julia every day for a year, and (Surprise!) blogging about it. [The Lawrence/Julie & Julia Project]
According to his OKCupid profile, Wikileaks co-founder Julian Assange has “Asian teengirl stalkers.” Can we just say: definitely, definitely NOT IT. [Gawker]
In related news, someone on Quora wants to know: “Why do some Asian girls like white guys?” [8 Asians]
Chinese architect Dai Fei created this very “Mork” egg home intended to be an inexpensive alternative to Beijing’s high cost of housing. Nanu nanu! [China Daily]
One step forward… Doctors Nat and Kat are the first all-woman team to win The Amazing Race. [AP]
Two steps back… Hooters opens their first restaurant in Tokyo. [Slate]
Euna Lee recently spoke to the Academy of Art about her captivity in North Korea with fellow journalist Laura Ling. Lee’s new book about her experience, The World is Bigger Now: An American Journalist’s Release from Captivity in North Korea, is out now. [AcademyArt.edu] Thanks, Henson!
Filed under: Asian teengirl stalkers, Beijing, Dai Fei, Euna Lee, Girl Power, housing alternatives, Julian Assange, Julie & Julia, Laura Ling, Lawrence Dai, OkCupid, Quora, The Amazing Race, The Lawrence/Julie & Julia Project, The World is Bigger Now: An American Journalist's release from Captivity in North Korea, Why do some Asian girls like white guys?, Wikileaks
Ladies and Gents, it’s been quite a year: Dubya left the building, Laura and Euna came back to us safely, Miley got goofy, Nadya Suleman lips got tabloid time, Kanye lost his hand, the Gosselins aired every last Garanimal of their dirty laundry, and Tiger Woods fell off his hookerbitch-lovin’ pedestal.
DISGRASIAN also got a makeover.
Frankly, we’re pooped. So we’re taking the rest of the year off for a little shaming break.
But before we go, we thought we’d mention our plans for celebrasian–which include a bit of donasian to Hyphen Magazine!
Alright, maybe we’re a little biased because they’ve spent some of their non-profit funds photographing us this year. But we also believe in Hyphen–what they do and how they do it is an inspirasian to us all.
Filed under: 2009, Donasians, Dubya, Euna Lee, Hyphen Cover, Hyphen Magazine, Jon Gosselin, Kanye West, Kate Gosselin, Laura Ling, Miley Cyrus Chink Eye, Nadya Suleman, President Barack Obama, See you in 2010, Taking a Hating Break, The Gosselins, Tiger Woods
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! G. Gordon Liddy Thinks Bill Clinton Brought Back a Dead Giant Panda and a Dick from North Korea
Poor Gordon Liddy. The 78 year-old Watergate mastermind appears to be losing his mind. On Wednesday, while most of the country was busy heralding the safe return of American journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling from North Korea–FOX News and other right-wing fearmongers being notable exceptions–Liddy announced on his radio show that “Ling-Ling and Wee-Wee…have been brought back by Bill Clinton to the United States.”
Now, Ling-Ling was one of the two giant pandas (pictured with her mate Hsing-Hsing) given to the U.S. by China following President Nixon’s historic visit there in 1972. You know, the same president that Liddy served under and served time for. It’s only natural to assume, then, that Liddy is suffering from moderate dementia–symptoms of which include “forgetting names and faces” and “remembering events from the past as though they are the present”–and that’s why he’s confusing Laura Ling with Ling-Ling, a giant panda who died in 1992.
And we all know what a Wee-Wee is. (Lady Gaga even has one, evidently!) But why Liddy would conflate Euna Lee with a dick is beyond us. Perhaps he’s been playing with his own wee-wee a bit too much lately?
Which would mean Liddy’s brain is not only degenerating, it’s moving rapidly from moderate to severe dementia, symptoms of which include…”uncontrollable movements.“
Like we said, poor Gordon Liddy.
It is confirmed: LAURA AND EUNA HAVE BEEN PARDONED.
We can barely contain our joy and tears and can’t wait to see their faces when they come home tonight.
Additionally, we couldn’t be more thankful that Kim Jong Il accepted Bill Clinton’s apology for the journalist’s “hostile acts,” and issued the special pardon himself. That said, we still think he’s an asshole.
Filed under: Bill Clinton, Breaking News, Chinese Teacher Tears Student's Cheek Off, Come Home Safe, Diplomacy, Euna Lee, Finally, Joy, Laura Ling, Liberasian, OMG, Pardons, Reprieve, Return of Euna and Laura
discuss the release of detained Journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling
(Screen grab from video of still photo)
KIM JONG IL: Oh, hey! Bill, good of you to come! What brings you to DPRK?
BILL CLINTON: With all due respect, sir, you know why I’m here. It’s time for you to return Euna and Laura.
KIM JONG IL: Oh yeah! Yeah! Sounds great. Are you hungry?
BILL CLINTON: Thank you, sir. I’m not–
KIM JONG IL: Let’s take a picture. Does anybody have a camera? [To staff member] Grab that video guy. Shoot a little bit of me with Billy boy.
BILL CLINTON: I don’t really know if this is the time or pl–
KIM JONG IL: [To camera] Yo, wazzup! Your boy Kim here with the former prez of the USA!
BILL CLINTON: I’m here on a humanitarian mission. We have a deal. You know this.
KIM JONG IL: Yeah, yeah, of course we have a deal! Listen, are you sure you’re not hungry? Let’s just get some dinner, we’ll talk, we’ll get to everything you need…
BILL CLINTON: O…kay.
KIM JONG IL: God, BILL! It’s great to see you. Seriously. Man, you should come by more often. We gotta hang.
BILL CLINTON: This is not a “hang,” I’m here to discuss Lee and Ling, who you sentenced to 12 years in hard labor prison.
KIM JONG IL: Oh, that was mostly just for leverage. I wanted somebody like you to come over here and have dinner with me.
BILL CLINTON: Well, I’m here, asshole.
KIM JONG IL: OMG, did you hear about the World’s Biggest Asshole thing?
BILL CLINTON: Excuse me?
KIM JONG IL: Never mind.
BILL CLINTON: Maybe we should sit down and get into discussions. I don’t have a lot of time.
KIM JONG IL: I know I know I know. Rush, rush, rush! Don’t you feel like we’re always in a hurry? I mean, what are we hurrying for? We’re all going to die someday.
BILL CLINTON: [Frustrated] Yes. Hopefully some of us sooner than others.
KIM JONG IL: Oh, Bubba, don’t be like that.
BILL CLINTON: Please stop addressing me that way. President Clinton, or Bill, please.
KIM JONG IL: Alright, Bill Please! [laughs hysterically]
BILL CLINTON: Pardon me for asking, but are you on something?
KIM JONG IL: A shit ton of Vicodin and this experimental drug that makes me seem like I’m alive! Aw man, I’m just glad to see you.
BILL CLINTON: I feel like you’re just hungry for attention.
KIM JONG IL: Nuh-UH.
BILL CLINTON: I’m not here for a pleasant visit. I don’t like your nukes, I don’t like your world tactics, and I’m furious that you’ve imprisoned American journalists.
KIM JONG IL: But they were producing a smear campaign against North Korea!
BILL CLINTON: Dude, HAVE YOU PICKED UP A PAPER LATELY? Your rep is established. There’s no more “smearing” left to do.
KIM JONG IL: I’ll nuke you.
BILL CLINTON: Oh, there you go again. Do you realize that this is all just a vicious cycle? You’re not making things any better for yourself.
KIM JONG IL: Why can’t people just see that I’m cool and awesome and the best?
BILL CLINTON: Because you’re a dick and your appearance frightens small children.
KIM JONG IL: I’m sorry. About everything. I just put up these walls…
BILL CLINTON: Yes. Literally.
KIM JONG IL: It’s like I’ve gone so far, I can’t turn back.
BILL CLINTON: Well, you’re going to have to.
KIM JONG IL: I can’t!
BILL CLINTON: Listen. One step at a time. Hand over the girls. Let me take them home.
[deep, sad pause]
KIM JONG IL: Okay.
Photo Source: AP
Thanks to Aviva, Abe, Cate and Mohammad!
What can we say? The ‘Eternal President’s‘ Dynasty does not play well with others.
There’s the longstanding secrecy about the health of North Korea’s de facto leading dickhead, Kim Jong-Il. The naming of a relatively unknown figure, Kim’s youngest son–Kim Jong-Un, as his successor. A teeny-tiny (What nuclear timetable??) nuclear missile test last month. Recent threats against South Korean ships in the North’s territorial waters. Aggressively dangling the carrot of nuclear war, over and over again, with the United States and the world at large.
Oh, and of course: detaining journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee for crossing the North Korean border, convicting them after a 5-day secret trial of illegally entering North Korean territory, sentencing them to 12 years of hard labor without so much as letting the world see their face, and releasing a report detailing Ling and Lee’s admission of crimes–as well as their intent to produce a smear campaign against North Korea.
And now, there is the emerging threat via Japan that North Korea could potentially be launching a long-range missile at Hawaii on our Independence Day. Don’t be scared; we’re pretty sure we’re prepared to deal.
That doesn’t change the fact that the North Korean government has succeeded in making their country one of the scariest, fuck-all, let-it-all-burn, motherfucking places in the world. They don’t give a shit, and they want this planet to know it.
Is that DISGRASIAN? We sure as fucking hell think so.
Have you checked out the three month-old site, Awkward Family Photos? Perhaps you’ve already submitted your own pics, like when your dad was rocking that five inch-wide polyester tie or when you had that man-perm mullet that made you look like a show poodle instead of Mario Lopez circa Saved by the Bell. Lots of funny family portraits are to be found here, including families in business together, families in racial drag, and, you know, families just looking creepy and weird for no particular reason.
There are, of course, some photos of famous families, too:
That’s our embellishment by the way, and not something original to the photo, although given Kim Jong Il’s awkward relationship with his Number One Son, seems plausible, doesn’t it?
Worst outcome possible:
Euna Lee and Laura Ling have been sentenced to 12 years of hard labor for illegally entering North Korean territory, a verdict issued by North Korea’s highest court that is final and cannot be appealed.
It is time for our government to step up and right this wrong: we need an envoy immediately. Do your part–email the State Department to step up negotiations now.
Euna Lee and Laura Ling, who were captured in March on the Chinese border of North Korea while shooting news footage for Current TV and have been held in North Korean detention since, will stand trial in Pyongyang on June 4 for “illegal entry” and “hostile acts.”
Lee’s husband, Michael Saldate, told reporters this week that their 4-year-old daughter “still thinks mommy is at work.” And Laura’s sister, Lisa, explained that she and her family are “terrified.”
From NY Daily News:
“We don’t really know what to expect with this trial,” Lisa Ling, also a television journalist, said on the “Today” show during an interview with the families. “The situation is so sensitive.”
Lisa Ling and friend Kelly Hu will co-host a candlelight vigil tomorrow in LA’s Santa Monica at Wokcano, 1413 5th Street, 6:30pm. If you are in the area, please come and show your support.
There are additional vigils being staged in New York, San Francisco, Washington, D.C., Portland, Chicago, Orlando, and Birmingham. Find out more here.
Thanks and good luck, Lisa and Cate. x.
North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il has been re-elected to the country’s parliament after an, um, arduous election season.
A “popular” leader, Jong-Il beamed in response to the deep–ahem–support, hauling in a laudable 100% of votes from his constituency.
Hrmm. What can we say? A, uh, fair election is a fair election, and, ehm, the people have spoken, we guess. So (cough, cough) congratulations to the… victor. For his… victory. In this competitive… election.
Moving on! Now that this mighty contest is behind him, maybe that bastard can direct his attention towards giving our girls Laura and Euna back.
Laura Ling (younger sister of Lisa Ling) and Euna Lee–two American journalists for Current TV–have reportedly been abducted and detained by North Korean soldiers, for ignoring warnings to stop shooting footage from across the Chinese border.
South Korean media first reported the detentions early Thursday, with YTN television saying two Americans were arrested near the Tumen River dividing North Korea and China. The Yonhap news agency, citing diplomatic sources, said North Korean soldiers took them into custody after they ignored orders to stop filming.
Reporters Without Borders called for the immediate release of the journalists and their guide and urged Chinese authorities to intercede on their behalf “as they were probably on Chinese soil when they were arrested.“
We have the two women in our thoughts right now, and hope for their quick and safe return–not just for their safety, but for the safety of someone else–because if Laura’s big sis is anything like mine, N. Korea’s Kim Jong Il may quickly find himself with his head mauled, appendages broken, and dick in a vice.
After all, Hell hath no fury like a Hardass Asian Sister.
Thanks, G Scott!