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I am not a fan of Glee. You’d think I would be, since I love to sing, I love me a high school drama (past and present faves include Buffy, the oridge 90210, Freaks and Geeks, Friday Night Lights), I was once in an a cappella singing group–I was even in a choir with Jane Lynch for two seconds–and I watch shows like American Idol and The Sing Off without irony, not a lick of it. But a Gleek I’m not. The show lacks any likable female characters–Lynch’s Sue Sylvester is the closest thing, and she’s a monster, albeit a funny one–and the teacher guy creeps me out for some reason, probably owing to the fact that he looks like a Chia pet. And the fact that he couldn’t tell his wife wasn’t really pregnant WHICH IS JUST TOTALLY PREPOSTEROUS. But I’m not going to harp on it further, because it makes people happy for some strange reason, and it’s done some good things for the world, like introducing millennials to music that was popular when forty year-olds were young like them, which probably seems just as preposterous as Glee‘s fake pregnancy.
I guess the Kings of Leon feel the same way I do (as does Slash), because the band refused to give Glee the rights to its songs. And you’d think they’d be flattered, right, because who the fuck are the Kings of Leon again? One day they’re a Skynyrd-type outfit, the next they’re arena rockers with fancy haircuts requiring lots of “product” or something? I couldn’t name a single song of theirs because it all sounds like generic radio to me.
Filed under: Embarrassing, Fuck Yous, Glee, Gleeks, Kings of Leon, Kings of Leon Glee Spat, Kings of Leon Refuse Song Rights to Glee, Kings of Leon Ryan Murphy Twitter War, Ryan Murphy, Ryan Murphy Glee, Self-Centered Assholes, Soapboxes, Taking Yourself Way Too Seriously, This is Bullshit, Twitter
After telling President Obama that he should “refudiate” the NAACP for calling the Tea Party racist and advising “peaceful” Muslims via Twitter that they should “refudiate” plans to build a mosque near Ground Zero, Sarah Palin was roundly mocked for her refudiation of the English language, which led to her refudiating her refudiators and likening her penchant for malapropism to…Shakespeare.
As lovers of The Made-Up Word ourselves, we’re not ones to refudiate Sarah Palin. But because we’re a caring people, we’d like to kindly suggest that, from now on, Palin take a page from her beloved Tea Party’s handbook to avoid future embarrassment:
Filed under: Barack Obama, Embarrassing, I'm With Stupid, Made Up Words, NAACP, Neologism, President Obama, Refudiate, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Malapropism, Stupid People, Tea Partiers, Tea Party, Tea Party Conventions, Teabaggers, Twitter
Guys, I think I just read the most humiliating sublebrity story I’ve ever read. Like, ever.
It involves a certain celebrity mom (ahem, see right) abusing her two cash cows’ daughters’ Carvel Black Cards to the point of a major incident (I’m talking, like, cops). The tore-up, deluded famewhore mother leaked her version of the story to the tabloids and played the victim–in response, Carvel cleared their name by publicly naming and shaming the whole family in an official press release.
NOT LYING: I AM LITERALLY JITTERING WITH TINGLES OF MORTIFICASIAN FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED.
Read what I wrote again, please. I’m not talking about the AMEX Black Card, I’m talking about a freebie card distributed by CARVEL–the ice cream company–to famous (Ali Lohan is famous? Eh, who am I to judge) folks, to entice those celebrities to come in person (as stated in the card’s fine print) to Carvel stores for a maximum of $25 free purchases per week, for 75 years. Pretty sweet deal for a bunch of people who’ll likely be in rehab or formerly famous in ten years!
I am so mortified by this press release that I have no choice to post it here for you in full, straight from the Carvel blog. Here goes:
Posted on June 17, 2010 by carvelicecream
ATLANTA, GA (June 17, 2010) – As part of Carvel’s 75th Anniversary celebration Continue reading The Lohan Family: Carvel-ing Out A Niche In Low-Rent History
Filed under: Ali Lohan, Annoying Things Celebrities Do, Black Card Abuse, Carvel Black Card, Carvel Black Cards Are Amazing, Carvel FTW, Carvel Ice Cream, Celebrity Mom, Dina Lohan, Dina Lohan Makes Us Hurl, Discounts, Embarrassing, Freebie, Lindsay Lohan, Low-rentitude, Pathetic, Playing The Victim, Public Humiliation, Public Shaming, Shameful Behavior, Sublebrities, The Lohan Family, The Lohans, Time To Call It
Something tells me your parents are not gonna be swayed by the whole “But it was a BRONZE MEDAL!!!” thing.
You might get disowned and be forced to move far away. In the event that you need a place to stay, please do not hesitate to email us.
Filed under: A Life In Pictures, Awkward Moments, Bad Photos, Boarders Are Hot, Bronze Medal, Disownment, Embarrassing, Everybody Loves a Winner, Getting Head, Incriminating Photos, Love Bites, Olympic Medals, Parents, Scotty Lago, Snowboarders, the Olympics, Vancooter, Vancouver Olympics, Whoopsieeee
Yeah, Kobe, you know we don’t love you. Or like you, even.
But hot damn… sometimes you make our job SO EASY.
Chad Ochocinco–crazy cocky, yet kinda lovable–properly hyped up an imminent Bengals victory in last night’s SNF matchup versus the Jets during a pre-game interview with Bob Costas. He also added a wager:
“If Revis shuts me down I will change my name back to Johnson,” Ochocinco told NBC’s Bob Costas on the network’s pre-game show. “That’s how confident I am. It’s not going to happen.”
Filed under: 2010, Abysmal Defeats, Ass-Whoopings, Bob Costas, Chad Johnson, Chad Ochocinco, Change Is the New Change, Cincinnati Bengals, Embarrassing, Empty Promises, It's All In A Name, Name Changers, New York Jets, Pregame Injury, Promises Promises, Wagers, When Those Awful Piano Lessons Pay Off, Whoopsieeee
News today: For crashing the White House state dinner, the oh-so-tawdry hobknobbers Tareq and Michaele Salahi have, as expected, been served with subpoenas–a decision made today by a congressional panel. The couple will face questioning on January 20 by the House of Representatives Homeland Security Committee.
Filed under: Embarrassing, Fame Whores, House of Representatives Homeland Security Committee, Humiliasian, India, Michaele Salahi, Reality TV, Reality TV Wannabes, Ruh-Roh, Shameless Behavior, State Dinner, Tareq Salahi, Terrible Couples, The Salahis, The White House, White House Party Crashers, Whoopsieeee
OUT: Have you ever had any sex with a girl?
OUT: You went down on her?
OUT: Was it gross, or it was just not what you wanted?
AL: It was a little gross because I don’t think she was as clean as she could’ve been. It wasn’t the act of it that really turned me off. I don’t really remember. I was 18 and I was drunk. Or maybe I was 17… The point of the matter is that I would not rule it out. The idea is intriguing.
Filed under: Adam Lambert, American Idol, Bi-Curiosity, Bisexuality, Bragging Rights, Cunnilingus, Desirable Twentysomethings, Devastating Sound Bytes, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, Dirty Girls, Embarrassing, Gay, Gay Boys, Heartland, Heartthrobs, Oral Sex, Pop Stars, Public Humiliation, Sex, Sexy Thoughts, The Importance of Cleanliness, This Is Why Diana Thinks People Should Shower 2-3 Times A Day
There are probably lots of fun things to say about Pete Rose’s Playboy-bound lady friend, who has–without so much as divulging her name–managed to garner press simply by being a boobtastic, young, Asian lady on Ol’ Rose’s arm.
Hell, the Hit King has already done most of the work for us. Here’s what he said during a radio interview on Houston’s KGOW (via Sports Radio Interviews):
“You know, my girl’s a real educated girl – she graduated from Arizona State. She had a very prestigious job several years ago when she was a flight attendant for Korean Airlines, which is really a big deal in Korea, and she’s Korean. And let’s just hope that the Playboy people like her, and if they don’t, that’s okay too. We’ll just turn the page and thank them for the opportunity.”
[Insert thousands of jokes here]
But to be perfectly honest with you… really, really, really all I can think about are those crazy awesome torpedos busting out of her shirt in the above picture. They keep tossing my head back into the surf of an Internet ocean filled with nonsense. That sea includes PuffyLover.com, a site that celebrates–um– “puffies,” as in–er– “puffy nipples.”
Filed under: Baseball, Bud Selig, Career Endeavors, Comedy Gold, Disgraced Baseball Players, Distraction, Embarrassing, Hot Koreans, Korean Airlines, MLB, Pete Rose, Playboy, Puffies, Puffy Lover, Puffy Nipples, Pursuits of Happiness, The Internet Is A Strange Place, Torpedo Tits, What the what?
Joe Wilson has already apologized to President Obama for breaking decorum and shouting “You Lie!” at Obama during his Wednesday night speech to Congress on the subject of Healthcare Reform.
“Not long after the speech ended, Wilson issued an apology. ‘This evening I let my emotions get the best of me when listening to the President’s remarks regarding the coverage of illegal immigrants in the health care bill,’ he said. ‘While I disagree with the President’s statement, my comments were inappropriate and regrettable. I extend sincere apologies to the President for this lack of civility.’ Wilson also called the White House to apologize.”
He may have said the words, but it sure is hard to believe that Wilson is actually, truly, really, really sorry for the inappropriate outburst, an action that has been condemned from both sides of the aisle as shameful, disrespectful and embarassing.
So what was the tipping point leading to Wilson’s swift “sorry?” Did he refer immediately to his Blackberry and realize that #JoeWilsonIsADouche had instantly become a trending topic on Twitter? Did his wife text him: “WTF, U IDIOT!?” Did he realize that he was single-handedly about to crash his own government site with an ugly media frenzy?
Something tells us it was actually much simpler, a gut reaction to the most powerful and classic of sorrymaking machines: the cold, hard faces of two Hardass Asian Parents (as played, in this instance, by Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi).
Peep Mom and Dad the moment they hear Wilson’s outburst from the floor. Pelosi’s jaw hits the floor and her eyes become nuclear daggers. Biden drops his head and shakes it with disgust and shame, the kind of shake a dad can only achieve when he wishes you didn’t exist. EVER.
I’ve seen my parents do this A THOUSAND TIMES. It never fails.
The one thing I’ve learned–A Hardass Asian Parent can’t kill you with their eyes, but they’ll sure as hell try. And instead, they’ll just make you really fucking sorry.
A couple of days ago, TechCrunch reported on a curious case of race-swapping that they discovered on two identical Microsoft marketing sites. In the U.S. version of the site, a photo of an Asian man, a black man, and a white woman could be seen on Microsoft’s “Business Productivity Infrastructure” home page:
But in the Polish version of the same site, the head of the black man had been photoshopped out and replaced with that of a white man:
After the blogosphere caught wind of this, the Polish site was changed, and the black man restored to the photo. Microsoft apologized Wednesday for this racial switcheroo and stated that they were “looking into the details of this situation.”
Presumably that also means they’ve fired the photoshop guy who not only did the horrible cut-and-paste job on the replacement head–notice its distinct Linda-Blair-in-The Exorcist-head-swivel–but left in the black hand, and, perhaps most devastatingly for Microsoft, failed to notice, unlike several savvy commenters over at Photoshop Disasters, that the computer in front of the black/not-black guy is an Apple MacBook(!).
How much do I gotta pay you to order Charles Smith Wines’ “Kung Fu Girl Riesling” in public, with a straight face, without your genitals totally shriveling from shame?
Described by her winemakers as a Riesling that “kicks ass” and contains “delicate aromas of stone fruit, white peach, apricot, Asian pear and white spring blossoms,” Kung Fu Girl retails for a mere $12.
So, you know, I’m not going to pay you that much.