You are currently browsing posts tagged with Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Team Erin Andrews

May 11th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

I never thought much of ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews. Pretty, nice rack, whatever. Okay, okay, let me amend that–pretty, very nice rack…whatever.

The point is, I still got to “whatever.” Because Erin Andrews represents everything that’s cliché and uninteresting about sports to me. She’s the archetypal Hot Girl–blonde, leggy, and, again, racktastic–for dudes with no imagination. She’s also the (pin-up) poster girl for the gender inequality that pervades professional sports and its employment opportunities within, whether it’s in front of the camera, on a coaching staff, or on an executive level. Women need not apply to this good ol’ boy network–unless they’re sexy and most closely resemble the cheerleaders. Men, meanwhile, who do the same work that Andrews does, can be as dweeby (ahem, Ken Rosenthal) or as sartorially-challenged (hi, Craig Sager) or as overweight as they want (what’s up, Goose?) with impunity.

But Erin Andrews’ recent beef with The View‘s Elisabeth Hasselbeck–another female-in-sports archetype, aka The Quarterback’s Wife–a beef that, for the record, Hasselbeck started, has not only done away with my ambivalence towards Andrews, it’s also got me rooting for her. You see, Andrews has been a stalking victim twice in the last year. The first time, some perv filmed a Andrews through a peephole while she was naked in her hotel room, and then put the video online. The second time, she received emailed death threats. But she’s been in the news most recently because she’s a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, one of the final five, in fact. A week ago, Hasselbeck criticized the outfits Andrews wore on the show–the women’s outfits are typically skimpy–saying the ESPN reporter was wearing “next to nothing” while not-so-subtly playing the ol’ blaming-the-victim game:

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Elisabeth Hasselbeck (Needs A Punt to the Hasselcrack)

December 5th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Elisabeth Hasselbeck,

As much as your existence drains and sickens me, I often don’t have time to deal with you. What on earth would I do that for? I don’t like The View. I don’t like your face. I don’t enjoy wasting my Thanksgiving, totally bored, watching your brother-in-law’s loser football team choke like boring chickens under the Cowboys. Ultimately, talking to the poster child for starry-eyed, jingoist Conservatives is one pointless thing, dealing with your brand of pouty, petulant, nasal-voiced, ill-informed, ignorant mommies quite another–but both? At the same time? Hell no. Please do not sign me up for that futile afternoon activity.

So, not to put too much effort into thinking about you today, but it occurs to me after watching you slur your way through an insult of Deepak Chopra this week (video above)–flippantly telling him to “go light a bowl of insense”–that I actually do have something to say to you, after all.

GO FUCK YOURSELF. HARD. IN THE ANUS.

That is all.

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In Her (Johnny Choo) Shoes

October 27th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The View‘s Elisabeth Hasselbeck attended rallies over the weekend with Sarah Palin, where all the two women seemed to talk about were clothes and shoes. And Hasselbeck said in a speech introducing Palin that anyone who had a problem with pretty women talking about fashion was “deliberately sexist” and recommended that those critics watch the Sex and the City movie that came out on DVD last month to see how women could do everything men could do backwards and in astronomically-expensive high heels while balancing a third Cosmo in one hand.

Brimming with Girl Power, Hasselbeck went on The View Monday morning and KEPT TALKING about Palin’s clothes to her female co-hosts.

She said:

“(Palin) calls Jimmy Choos, Johnny Choos. This is not a fashionista by any means. She’s not a clotheshorse.”

The “sassy” blonde described Palin’s sartorial sense as quirky and told the other women on The View that her new BFF, like so many other current fashion icons (think Chloe Sevigny and Mary-Kate), favors vintage over designer labels. Curiously, after all that, Hasselbeck said that she wanted the chatter about Palin’s clothes “to end,” and declared that talking about the VP wannabe’s many designer outfits is so last year.*

*Everything in quotations is true. As stupid as this story sounds, there have only been minor embellishments, like the Sex and the City detail, which we’re pretty sure Elisabeth Hasselbeck would never watch. Anything awful starring Mandy Moore is much more her speed.

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Tough Decision

May 25th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


ROSIE O’DONNELL: Y’know Elisabeth, you’re just a fucking whiner. Whine whine whine. You remind me of the comfort women in Asia that have been protesting Shinzo Abe. They sound like this: “Ching Chong Ching Chong Ching Ching Ching!!”

ELISABETH HASSELBECK: Rosie, that is unfair. That is really unfair.

ROSIE O’DONNELL: CHING CHONG! STOP IT ROSIE! CHONG CHONG CHING!

ELISABETH HASSELBECK: Stop it! Stop it!!!

ROSIE O’DONNELL: CHONG CHONG CHONG! I SUPPORT THE TROOPS! CHING!

ELISABETH HASSELBECK: [in tears] Good Rosie! Support the troops! And support this wonderful war! Wonderful, wonderful war!

ROSIE O’DONNELL: CHING CHING CHONG! KILL! KILL!

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