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Pretty Spitty

June 23rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Some dude on “China’s eBay,” Taobao.com, was apparently banned from selling his product: a tonic composed of saliva taken from pretty girls, after complaints from Taobao users caught the attention of the site’s higher-ups.


Listen, we don’t have any issues with pretty girls (um, my caveat list for the preceding statement is too long to include here), but c’mon, creepos, spit is fucking disgweesting. We don’t want a drop of it landing on our nose when somebody’s talking to us, a big wad of it on the ground when we walk through the park, or a gloopy mess of it in our entree because our dinner mate insulted our waitress. Fuck spit. Fuck it.

But that isn’t what bothers us so much. The thought of somebody ordering a bottle of that bodily ick, paying the shipping and handling, sending over the PayPal amount, anxiously waiting days by the mailbox for the package to arrive, and then opening that package OF SPIT… that makes us sad.

Like, really, really, really, really sad.

Thank bejeezus nobody bought one.

[via Lemondrop]

Thanks, Cecil!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Dalai Lama Foundation

November 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

We get it: The Dalai Lama is hip. The Dalai Lama is cool. The Dalai Lama is Hollywood.

Don’t get us wrong– We love His Holiness so very much. Hell, we’ve busted China’s chops in his defense.

Our ears perked up when we found out that this week, we could actually buy the official car of the 14th Dalai Lama on eBay, for the minimum bid of $75k. How bitchin’ would that be?!? We imagine that somehow its peaceful vibes could remedy one’s road rage, and probably make that person’s skin look great (this is not confirmed).


So we started digging into our annual Chanel clothing fund and got ready to make a bid. Why not? We’re writers; We could totally benefit from some fresh air and off-roading in a holy vehicle.

And then we looked more closely at The Dalai Lama Foundation’s latest auction: the *bonus* to your buy? A meet-and-greet with this botox-faced wacko:

Er, we’d rather have a date with her facialist. Jen and I have no space in our lives to visit with the woman who pioneered the modern age for an upskirt epidemic, in honor of peace.

Guess we’ll have to stick to raging in the Volvo. Oh well. We enjoy it.

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