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The man loves a trophy, dude. My man Hines Ward and the ridiculous hard body that is Kym Johnson have officially taken the top prize of the 12th season of Dancing With the Stars!
Yes, I watched. And yes, I voted–each week. The maximum five votes every time. AND IT ALL PAID OFF!
…now who owes me $50?
Step 1: SMILE. Smile when you’re mad, smile when you’re sad, smile when you’re pissed, smile when you’ve been kissed.
Step 2: Always think of the children.
Step 3: Love yo’ mama.
Step 5: Be light on your feet and smooth in your hips.
Step 6: Win whenever possible.
Step 7: If you and a friend are held up at gunpoint by NoHo police due to a mix-up regarding said friend’s Honda Civic, which was mistakenly reported stolen, cooperate like a stand-up citizen. Never devolve into a self-aggrandized asshole jerk that says, “Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am? You wanna how many Super Bowl rings I got, ya fuckin’ pig?? I’m gonna go all James Harrison on your ass!” AND after the Continue reading Seven Steps To Being A Perfect Gentlemasian Like Hines Ward
Filed under: Ben Roethlisberger, Blasians, Charity, Dancing With the Stars, DWTS, Hines Ward Is The Adorablest, Hines Ward Korean Mother, James Harrison, Nice Guys, Non-Profits, Pittsburgh Steelers, Smiley Guys, The Fuzz
Sure, Dancing With The Stars has lost a few viewers in its old age. Apparently, last night’s Season 12 premiere pulled a smaller audience than expected (by that, I mean 22.3 million viewers), 20% down from the last season.
But it actually gained one viewer: ME (Yes, I’ve tried once before, but couldn’t stick to my guns). Now, for the first time, I watched the first performances live on TV (which I couldn’t even do for the Kate Gosselin and Bristol Palin trainwrecks)–and I think I’m in for the whole season. Why? Because there are SO MANY REASONS to watch this season. Twelve, in fact, right off the top of my head:
Reason #1: Turns out that my football boyfriend and Steelers #86 Hines Ward is light as a feather on his feet, as evidenced by his much-lauded performance with Kym Johnson. I knew it, I knew it, I knew that man could dance! And dear me, is he better to look at without all that football gear. Ward is as smooth a mover as he is fast a runner. He’s as smiley on the dance floor as he is on astroturf. And I know I’m not the first person to make the “Mmn!” sound while looking at his perfect Hines-dquarters, underdig?
Filed under: ABC, Bosoms, Carrie Ann Inaba, Cheryl Burke, Dancing With the Stars, Dancing With The Stars Season 12, DWTS, Hardass Asian Mamas, Hines Ward, Karate Kid, Kate Gosselin, Kendra Wilkinson, Kirstie Alley, Len Goodman, Light As A Feather, Loveline, Pat Morita, Pro Athletes, Psycho Mike Catherwood, Ralph Macchio, Reasons To Watch DWTS, Sugar Ray Leonard, Wendy Williams, Wendy Williams Cries
I don’t know a terrible lot about Bristol Palin, and hold high hopes that behind the scenes, she’s not much like her boorish, media-whoring mother. However, one increasingly obvious similarity between the two seems to be an inability to look the other way when it comes to negative feedback. Frankly, no Palin seems able to resist the urge to respond publicly to a negative review–and Facebook is the venue of choice for little sister, mom and self.
Margaret Cho’s recent comments about the elder Palin forcing Bristol to join the cast of DWTS provided such an opportunity, and naturally, Bristol jumped at the chance. This week, young Palin responded to Cho in a sweet-as-eskimo-pie open letter on (Surprise!) Facebook:
I will give my friend credit for creativity, and extra points for getting so many “facts” wrong in so few sentences. Let me be blunt: my mom did not “force” me to go on DWTS. She did not ask me either. The show approached me. I thought about it. I made the decision. After first worrying for me in terms of being exposed to those who hate us for what we believe in, both my mom and my dad became my number one supporters. Anyone who watched the show could tell I performed better, and I felt better about myself, when they were in the audience. I wanted to make them both proud, but politics had nothing to do with it. Loving my parents had everything to do with it.
Well hell, good for Bristol for taking it upon herself to clear up those nasty rumors, defending her family’s honor (all you AZN peeps can undoubtedly identify with that), and remembering to use spell check while she was at it! Fine form! Maybe we aren’t giving this gal enough recognition for being a strong person and independent spirit, with her own words, opinions and talent.
Bristol also used her creative noggin to inject a bit of humor into her letter, closing it with what some commenters are calling a “questionable” lesbian quip:
You say you “don’t agree with the family’s politics at all” but I say, if you understood that commonsense conservative values supports the right of individuals like you, like all of us, to live our lives with less government interference and more independence, you would embrace us faster than KD Lang at an Indigo Girls concert.
HUNH. What an interesting reference for a 20-year-old to make in 2010, what with so many fun lesbians/lesbian dabblers swirling around the pop culture PR circuit to choose from right now! Were I in her position, I imagine I might have chosen to mention someone more… au courant. Y’know, like Ellen and Portia or Queen Latifah, maybe Samantha Ronson, Le Tigre, Tegan and Sara, la dee dah, the list really does kinda go on and on…
But no, I suppose the obvious lesbian joke for a free-thinking millennial like Bristol to make would be one about KD Lang and the Indigo Girls. They were both huge in the nineties and she was, um, born in the nineties, so that kinda makes sense I guess.
I mean, it’s not like Sarah Palin’s writing those jokes for her or anything.
As Bristol Palin heads into the finals of Dancing With the Stars tonight, everyone wants to know what her being in the top 3, despite consistently receiving the worst scores from the judges–and the fact that she could, like, OMG, “totally win”–means in the big picture. You know, the big picture of Tea Parties, Mama Grizzlies, and unseating a Socialist President in 2012?
Does it mean the Tea Party is more organized than non-wackjob political, er, establishments?
Does it mean there will be more voter fraud in 2012?
Does it mean Sarah Palin will be our next Mama Grizzly-in-Chief???
Filed under: Bristol Palin, Bristol Palin Dancing With the Stars, Bristol Palin DWTS, DWTS, Everything About the Palins Sucks Ass, Failing Upward, Mama Grizzlies, Mama Grizzly, Mediocre People, Palin Supporters, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin 2012, So-Called Teen Activists, Tea Partiers, Tea Party, The Palins, The Palins Are A Study in Mediocrity
Congressional Gold Medal Awarded to Nisei WWII Veteran Badasses for WWII Badassery. [The White House Blog]
What’s more disturbing: Crazypants Senate hopeful (and Teabagger) Christine O’Donnell claiming in ’06 that she witnessed classified info about China’s plans to take over the U.S., or former RNC chairman Ed Gillespie sorta-kinda-maybe saying that she could be onto something? [The Atlantic, The Washington Post]
Margaret Cho got sent home on this week’s episode of “Dancing With The Stars” after samba-ing her heart out (and her ass off) with partner Louis Van Amstel. NOOOOOOOOO! [ABC]
Filed under: 442nd Regimental Combat Team, Christine Sato-Yamazaki, Congressional Gold Medal, Dancing With the Stars, DWTS, Grant Ichikawa, Jimmie Kanaya, Margaret Cho, National Veterans Network, Nisei, Osamu “Sam” Fujikawa, S. Floyd Mori, S.1055, Terry Shima, The 100th Infantry Battalion, World War II, WWII, Yeiichi “Kelly” Kuwayama
[photo via HuffPo]
My mom loves Dancing with the Stars, so–against all of my instincts–I’ve actually promised to give it a shot this season.
Thing is, the season opener boasted two of the most intense television moments I’ve ever witnessed:
Mark Dacascos and Lacey Schwimmer’s “Asian-themed” kung-fu/cha cha cha hybrid routine, set to the charming tune of Carl Douglas’s “Kung Fu Fighting, for one. (Here’s my point: Isn’t doing the cha cha cha almost Asian enough? Have you guys watched your parents at weddings?)
And, worse, or… better, or… I really don’t know, the super awkweird Me-Daddy-You-Jane cha cha cha of Tom DeLay and Cheryl Burke–who I guess would be two of my favorite people in bizarro world. DeLay can’t really help that he’s, well Tom DeLay. I get that. But some things he should never do EVER AGAIN are strum an air guitar, mouth dirty words to a woman in her twenties, and… cha cha cha.
The result of both in concert: CREEPY TINGLES EVERYWHERE, and we’re just talking about episode one!! I’m fucking scarred for life!
And you know what, I don’t know if I can go through this kind of trauma again. Not even for my mother (Sorry, Mom!). We’ll see.
Watch the full episode here, if you dare.