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United Colors Of Drunk Chicks
Berkeley “performance artist” Philip Huang pulled a new video stunt recently, asking people on the mean streets of Cal’s college town to decide who is more annoying: drunk Asian girls or drunk White girls.
I don’t quite know what Huang is going for, but hey, whatever. I’m glad he’s going for it. That said, is anybody else a little surprised to see that most people willing to answer the question pegged Asian chicks as the worst offenders?
I, for one, am a firm believer that all stupid, drunk chicks are intolerable–and this is an equal judgment applicable to every race, creed, and color. Y’all are horrible.
Don’t know if you’re horrible? Here are 10 Signs that you are a fucking intolerable drunk chick:
1. You can’t remember how many malibu and diet cokes you’ve consumed.
2. You’re hitting on my boyfriend.
3. Whenever anyone says the word “sake,” you say something like, “Sake to me!” and erupt into laughter.
4. You’ve spilled something wet and sweet on me, and I’m not thanking you for it.
5. I’ve been glaring at you for an hour.
6. That part of your shirt meant for boobs is currently at your neck.
7. I’ve threatened to hit you.
8. You keep “requesting” songs from the jukebox.
9. You smell like butt, old hair, vomit, and Hypnotiq.
10. I hate you. Like, really hate you.
[via 8 Asians]
Source
Filed under: Annoying People, Berkeley, Cal, Drunk Chicks, Drunk People, Drunken Messes, Drunks, Dumb Bitches, I Don't Get It, NorCal, Performance Art, Philip Huang
SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Yao Ming-lug-glug-glug
Seen last week on Drunk Athlete–Yao Ming tying one on at a wedding:
There’s something so comforting about seeing perfect, untouchable Yao behave like the rest of us, don’tcha think?
Filed under: Call Me, Chinese Athletes, Drunk Athlete, Drunk Messes, Drunk People, Getting Wasted, Houston Rockets, Tying One On, Weddings, Yao Ming
Bloody Hell!
You know it’s a bad night when you find yourself at some ugly nightclub, screaming loudly over some god awful DJ’s blazing trip through the weekly top 40, your ass sticking to the fake leather seats, your head throbbing, and some woman in what could essentially be called swimwear at your side with a tray of colored shots in small vials. “We call them test tubes!” she’ll chirp. “They’re only ten dollars and they’re goooooooooood.”
(Not that I’ve ever had a night like this.)
I’ve always wondered what kind of person buys one of those icky-looking vials and throws it down their gullet with glee. Vials remind me of blood tests, or awkward trips to the gyno, or being cold during a chemistry test, or breaking the high school’s only centrifuge (not that I’ve ever done this), and a number of other things that mostly include unpleasantry.
Which may be the reason why I responded with such shock to a report from Reuters this week that confirmed the jailing of a Hong Kong man who popped back two actual vials of blood after stumbling wasted into a hospital:
Li Man-yiu, 29, told a court Monday he was “extremely thirsty” when he staggered into a hospital on September 13 for treatment for an injured toe, the South China Morning Post reported.
Surveillance cameras showed Li “walk up to the laboratory counter, take three tubes containing blood samples, drink the contents of two and then dump the vials in the lift lobby,” the Post reported.
Shit, man. Bad night???
Filed under: Bad Nights, Drinking Blood is Creepy, Drunk People, Hold Your Liquor, Hospitals Mean Jello--Not Jello Shots, Stupid Things That People Do
Hey–Your Eyes Are Photographed Slanty, You Are Fair Disgrasian Game
JESSICA SIMPSON: I feel fat and wasted.
JOHN MAYER: That’s funny, because you happen to look…
JESSICA SIMPSON: Don’t say it or I swat your nards again.
JOHN MAYER: You’re difficult.
JESSICA SIMPSON: Shut up — just look gaunt and boring. We need to fit in here.
JOHN MAYER: I don’t think those puppies are fitting in anywhere.
JESSICA SIMPSON: Stop talking about my puppies. The world loves these babies.
JOHN MAYER: If those puppies were in China, people would be hunting them down to kill them in a stray dog-reducing initiative.
JESSICA SIMPSON: I only understood 5 of those 15 words.
JOHN MAYER: I used 21 words, you fool.
JESSICA SIMPSON: God, my brain hurts. Do we have any head cream?
JOHN MAYER: I know I’ve got some! He he he.
JESSICA SIMPSON: Seriously, how do my tits look? Look at them. My body is a freaking wonderland.
JOHN MAYER: I don’t want to look at them anymore, you nit. Your glandy fat bags are ill.
JESSICA SIMPSON: Don’t mess with me. You’re in a hot celebrity couple. I am putting you on the A-List. You’re at the Costume Institute Gala, bitch! Do you think you would be here without my orangey ass?
JOHN MAYER: I am bored out of my skin. I think a peacock shat on my shoe. And you call this the A list? I’m sorry, Chris Klein and Rose McGowan doth not an A-List make.
JESSICA SIMPSON: You’re nothing without me.
JOHN MAYER: I’m ruined. They won’t even let me into the Viper Room anymore. Any douchebag with a guitar pick can get in there. I used to have soft-rock groupies. Where did all of my soft-rock groupies go?
JESSICA SIMPSON: People love me. People love my boobies.
JOHN MAYER: You’re frightening.
JESSICA SIMPSON: JUST WALK AND LOOK LIKE YOU ADORE ME, DAMMIT!!!
JOHN MAYER: [launches into an a capella rendition of "Your Body is a Wonderland"]
JESSICA SIMPSON: LOUDER, WITH FEELING!!!
Filed under: Bouncing Bosoms, Drunk People, Everyone at the Met Ball Looks Like an Idiot, Fake Couples, Illusions of Grandeur and Fame, Jessica Simpson, John Mayer
What Would Happen If They Got Wind of the Gerbil Incident?
Reuters reported today that “Richard Gere’s repeated kisses on the cheeks of Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty in an event to promote AIDS awareness sparked protests in India on Monday with demonstrators burning effigies of the actors.”
Hmm. Here’s an idea. Let’s have a little less Buddhism…
…and a lot more Alcoholics Anonymous.
Source: Reuters, AP, AFP
Filed under: Buddhism is Overrated, Drunk People, Gerbils Up Your Ass, Inappropriate Touching, India, Richard Gere
