You are currently browsing posts tagged with Drivel

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Loretta “The Vietnamese Are Coming! The Vietnamese Are Coming!” Sanchez

September 24th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

Loretta Sanchez, Blue Dog Dem incumbent representing California’s 47th Congressional District, would like to introduce her new web series*, How To Lose Votes And Alienate People. Here’s the first installation, pulled from a recent interview on Univisión’s Al Punto show:

Well shit, man. If I didn’t know any better, I’d venture that Sanchez’s eyebrows were–with an intensity–trying to cultivate a race war in Orange County. Those eyebrows betta hope this Vietnamese lady doesn’t come across them in a dark alley while packing Tweezerman Luxe Edition Swarovski® Crystal Slant® tweezers anytime soon.  AND THAT IS NOT AN EMPTY THREAT!

*not an actual web series

[via Gawker]
[OC Weekly Blogs: Loretta Sanchez on Univisión: "Vietnamese" Trying to Take Her Congressional Seat Away from Democrats]

Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Nicole Scherzinger, You Are the Reason that We Breathe

March 11th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“Hello, beautiful people. Nicole Scherzinger–that’s Shurrrzinger–here. I hope you caught our beautiful performance of “Jai Ho” last night on Jimmy Fallon. Gratuitous boob-touching and prayer hands were flyin’ all over the place. No, I’m not Indian, but I am so honored that people think I am, and that I represent to the world all of the beautiful plethora multitudinous diversely cultures within it, because when I was growing up, there was no one who looked like me, and people called me names, and I wasn’t told I was beautiful, even though inside I knew that I had a light shining in me, and I was special, and one day everyone would see that light and see the real ‘Nicole,’ and all that was beauty and harmony and unicorns. And how mad-wicked is this bindi? It represents something beautiful and…uh…uh…beauty…and…please everyone go buy our single.”

Thanks, Jack!

Filed under: , , , , , , ,

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Season 9 of America’s Next Top Model (In Ka-China)

November 23rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

It’s been a very bad, very DISGRASIAN week for Miss Tyra.

We’ll admit– we’ve watched ourselves a whooooooole lot of America’s Next Top Model over the last nine seasons. And yet, we were ready within the minute to jump on the model mogul as soon as we saw her do this in Cycle 9′s eighth episode:

Tap that Chinese Dragon ass! Yer goin’ to CHINA!!!!!!!!!

…as she told the remaining six girls in the competition that they would be taking their posing act to China. Good god, haven’t reality producers learned anything from the shark jumper that is Survivor: China? That land is not your gold mine. It is merely a reality recipe for disgrace.

But we didn’t disgrace her just then. We decided to wait and observe the results of the models’ visit in the following episode. Please observe a sampling:

…OH YES, everything you see is true, from the ching-chongy electric score to the staged martial artists’ attack, to the flurry of these one-liner gems:

“Everything’s made in China and all I can think about is
shopping shopping shopping, like a whole bunch of shopping!”

“I like the symbols and things like that!”

“I had no idea China was this futuristic, amazing place–
I felt like we were part of the Jetsons or something!”

Oh god. No more. We think about 30 million of our brain cells just committed ritual suicide out of shame from bearing witness to that drivel. China is foreign! China is crazy! China is filled with little loud people that love rice and do kickflips in pajamas!

Hey, hey, of course we knew that Top Model in China was gonna be bad, we just didn’t know it was also going to be so frickin’ LAME. Though the show’s first encounter with the motherland didn’t anger us like we thought it would, it still gave us the icky tingles all the way through.

And yes, there’s a chance that next week will be far more deserving of the DOTW dishonor, but frankly, we don’t have the stomach to sit through another hour of this crap hunting for it.

Thank you, Erin!

Filed under: , , , , , , , ,