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“Don’t Mess With America” Does Roll Off The Tongue

May 18th, 2011 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Last week on Sean Hannity’s show, Newt Gingrich made an exciting campaign promise:

“I know how to get the whole country to resemble Texas.”

Which is an interesting idea, to say the least. After all, there are lots of things I love that are from Texas:

  1. Jen
  2. Jen’s parents
  3. Dr. Pepper
  4. BBQ sauce
  5. The Black Angels, Spoon, Toadies, Butthole Surfers, Buck Owens
  6. Frito pie
  7. The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (Why not?)
  8. The NASA Johnson Space Center
  9. The “Don’t Mess With Texas” Campaign
  10. “kay-so”

But unless we’re talking about a nation made up of millions of chicly-dressed, too-smart blogger friends and their lovely Hardass Asian Parents, swilling Dr. P while dousing Frito pie with kay-so and some BBQ sauce, blasting The Black Angels on eleven, picking up litter, all the while doing high kicks in white short-shorts in celebration of a new NASA mission… I’m not sure I’m ready for a whole country run like The Lone Star state. And I have a feeling that Newt isn’t really promising what I listed (except maybe the short-shorts).

But let us not discount the achievements of Texas. After all, thanks to its stellar governance, Texas has become nationally ranked in multiple areas that concern public life, education, and health.

According to PFAW’s Right Wing Watch blog, Texas ranks:

50th in percentage of population without health insurance (2010)
50th in percentage of children insured (2009)
50th in percentage of women receiving early prenatal care (2010)
45th in rate of infectious diseases (2010)
44th in percentage of children in poverty (2010)
42nd in per capita health care funding (2010)
40th in overall health (2010)
36th in high school graduation rate (2010)
35th in crime (2010)
35th in percentage of children immunized (2010)
34th in rate of occupational fatalities (2010)
30th in percentage of people with college degree (2008)

Texas also ranks: Continue reading “Don’t Mess With America” Does Roll Off The Tongue

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Dr. Democracy

March 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Guns N Roses has taken its sweet-ass time finishing up their ever-forthcoming album, Chinese Democracy, and after over a decade, even the most straggly of believers have given up hope (don’t worry… Jen and I were never really holding our breath, naw mean?).

But Dr. Pepper–a beverage that I love but most people I went to grade school with referred to as “carbonated prune juice–recently upped the ante for Democracy’s release–announcing that they would give a can of Dr. Pepper to every American (except for GNR exes Buckethead and Slash) if the album comes out this year.

I’m not sure what makes this offer least alluring:

1) The promise of free carbonated prune juice (hey, I know I said I love it, but I’m just me).

2) The promise of Chinese Democracy (I’ve certainly never been partial to the title, nor the proposed album art, nor the idea of listening to an album that has been crafted over the course of at least 4 really terrible musical movements).

3) The ugly digs at GNR former members Slash and Buckethead. They moved on! Wouldn’t you?

…Perhaps all of the above?


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