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The Lost Summer’s Eve “Hail To The V” Asian Vagina Reel

August 2nd, 2011 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

You know those Summer’s Eve commercials that created quite a stir recently? The ones that seemed to imply all women’s vadges are dirty but most especially those of women of color?

Here’s the “black version”:

And the “Latina version”:

But there was no Asian version. Which left me with all sorts of confused feelings. Like, Hey, are our vadges not dirty, too? Wait, I didn’t just say that. But it feels bad to be left out! No, no, it doesn’t. What I mean is…I just really really want to see what a stereotypical Asian vadge sounds like? Okay?

And then, I got my wish*:

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Cadillac, The Car Of Choice For Philanderers And Wife-Beaters

October 19th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

First Tiger Woods, now Junior Seau…what is it about the Cadillac Escalade that makes it the perfect getaway car for men involved–allegedly–in domestic disputes?

Seau’s Escalade Escapade

Seau, who was arrested Sunday night on suspicion of domestic violence committed against his 25 year-old live-in girlfriend, drove his 3-ton SUV off a seaside cliff a few hours after the arrest. The NFL veteran came away from the accident with minor injuries and reportedly told police that he had fallen asleep at the wheel. His agent, Mike Kinkler, told ESPN that the arrest and the accident were unrelated.

“One had nothing to do with the other,” Kinkler said. “It’s unfortunate the two events happened so close together, but what people are reporting is completely untrue.”

Uh-huh. That’s what Tiger said.

This can’t possibly help the reputation of the Escalade as the douchemobile of choice, but it likely won’t hurt sales either, especially since Cadillac’s have soared 43.8% in the first nine months of this year. Because even philanderers and wife-beaters–alleged, that is–need a bumpin’ set of wheels.

[NY Times: Seau Is Injured in Crash Only Hours After Arrest]
[USA Today: Ex-wife: Junior Seau was not trying to kill himself when car plunged off cliff]

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Thanks, Aliah!

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Trucky In Love

January 7th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Star Magazine has reported that Jennifer Aniston recently scribbled down a love poem for her main douche man, John Mayer. And wouldn’t you know it, he went around and turned it into a beautiful Mayer ballad, a surprise unleashed upon her over the holidays while the two vacationed in Mexico.

Oh, my! Could we soon witness the release of the next great Mayer oeuvre? What could possibly top “Your Body Is A Wonderland?”

Let’s take a peek at Aniston’s lyrics:

Lucky in love, lucky in love
Didn’t forget me when I asked you to leave me.
Didn’t forget me
Now you’re alongside me
You’ve brought luck to love
I’ve been hit by a truck in love.

Um. Wow.

Looks like somebody’s been taking classes at the Tila Tequila school of Poetry, though they might be better served by sticking to a healthy regimen of Pilates, beach lounging, shopping for clothing basics, and taking on the occasional romantic comedy role.

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My Own Private Katrina

September 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Okay. So Ned Lamont ran against Joe Leiberman in 2006, defeating him in the Democratic primary (causing Leiberman supporters to invent their own party and thus giving rise to the Connecticut Senator’s “independent” shenanigans), which was totally cool because Leiberman is a no-good, pro-war, conservative douchebag. But what might be douchier than Leiberman-in-political-drag is 20-year Greenwich, CT resident Lamont hearkening back to one of the deadliest natural disasters in the history of mankind–namely, the 2004 tsunami–by comparing the current financial crisis to that storm, AND, on top of that, calling the crisis his hometown’s very own “Katrina”:

It’s a Wall Street town. Everyone is shaky,” Lamont said at midweek. “It really is a financial tsunami, and it could go either way. It took Japan 20 years to recover from their buying binge [in the 1980s]. How long does it take us to work through the excessive leverage? That could take us years, not months. This is our Katrina.

I know shit’s bad on Wall Street and its attendant bedroom communities like Greenwich, and maybe just maybe I can see some parallels between this Fairfield County townpopulation 62,751, median income $157,232, median home price $1,449,500, home to over 100 hedge funds–and Katrina-ville, USApopulation killed 1,836, population displaced in New Orleans alone 180,000, median income $27,355, property damage $90,000,000,000, home to over 200 homicides last year (just in New Orleans).

But tell me something, Ned Lamont–personal fortune estimated between $90 and $300 million–does Greenwich, CT have jazz? Vampires? Shrimp po’boys? Black people? A frequently-sucky NFL football team with awesome team colors?!

I didn’t think so. Greenwich’s “Katrina,” my ass. What a douche.

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