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I don’t smile when a marriage splits up. Breakups are sad and awful things, and the end of a marriage is hardly a joke–they are painful for too many parties, from the parents to the kids to the kids’ teachers to mutual friends to the restaurant managers that always give married couples a free dessert after dinner to bubbly dry cleaner ladies that love to ask about how the other half is doing. The only people that enjoy divorces are lonely, angry folks and lawyers.
By no means a happy thing, but perhaps it is cause for celebrasian… for us all. This divorce brings the horrible couple one step closer to finality–or at least to taking their idiotic conflict offline, hopefully forcing them to focus on what’s gonna neutralize all of the shit they’ve put their kids through rather than their childish back-and-forth.
Meanwhile, the rest of us can all take a deep breath and the necessary 14 seconds to forget they ever existed.
So CONGRATULASIANS, Jon and Kate. We all probably need to get some closure and move on.
Filed under: Celebrasian, Divorce, Famous-For-Nothings, Fresh Divorces, Fucking Up Your Kids, Go Awaysian, Gosselin Kids, Gosselins Finalize Divorce, Jon and Kate Divorce, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Sad Things, The Gosselins
Ruh-roh. Jon Gosselin has a PRoblem (that’s a PR-problem).
A month ago, when Kate filed divorce papers, Popeater conducted a poll, and the majority of people sided with Jon. But recently, they conducted the same poll, and the results flip-flopped.
Moving far away from your kids, trotting out your new 22 year-old girlfriend in the south of France, partying aboard a yacht, and looking like a douchetard one month after your divorce does not, as it turns out, make people love you.
BREAKING NEWS: Jon and Kate “Save for Those TLC Devotees, Most of Y’all Had No Idea Who We Were Before TMZ Started Posting Drunken Photos of Dad” Gosselin have filed for divorce.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHA HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Filed under: Buying Out Avril Lavigne's Kohl's Clothing Line, Copying Jen's Haircut, Divorce, Getting Older, Madonna, Mid-Life Crises, Poseurs, Shameful Outfits, Time to Disappear, Trying Too Hard, Wow
It was reported this week that Russell Simmons has agreed to pay $40k a month in child support (that’s $20k per progeny) to the fabulous house of Kimora Lee, who is retaining sole legal and physical custody of their kids. This arrangement will be in place until each child reaches the age of 19½.
$40k a month! Just to keep those kids well-fed and fabulous!
Sheezus. Suddenly, Kimora’s eight-year marriage to that creepy old dude sounds waaaaaaaaaaaaay the heck more worth it.
After Sean Penn’s Best Actor acceptance speech at Sunday night’s Academy Awards, a lot of people were wondering who Sato Masuzawa was, i.e. the person Sean called his “best friend” and thanked first. Especially after he didn’t thank his wife, Robin Wright Penn, whom he attended the awards show with, an omission he later explained as intentional.
As it turns out, Sato Masuzawa is Sean Penn’s assistant. She has worked for him since 1998, according to IMDb. I suppose that, in a town where many people are married to their careers, giving a shout-out to your assistant rather than your wife makes perfect sense. But if I were Robin Wright Penn, I would be filing for a divorce again right about now.
The ink is barely dry on la divorce, but it looks like somebody has already moved on…
When the dazzling, gorgeous Padma Lakshmi divorced her much-older husband Salman Rushdie, many were quick to gossip that the statuesque beauty was guilty of an affair. In my travels between LA and NYC, I’ve personally heard some first and secondhand accounts of her romantic dabbles, and while staying mum on all of those stories, I’ll just say, I believe that the odds that the whispers were true are… pretty good.
The one most people were interested way back when, however, was the rumor that Lakshmi was bouncing around with a married, well-known chef. Blind item after blind item nailed Lakshmi for this one, until Gawker finally supposed, for a while at least, that the culinary hero in question was–eek!–Anthony Bourdain.
I, on the other hand, had always held out the hope that the lovely Padma would only have surrendered her special parts to the boyish advances of Rocco DiSpirito–even though I’m not even sure he was married at the time of her detours. Though I could never exactly figure out why, I did.
Today, however, after reading that Match.com writer/relationship expert Whitney Casey recently spilled to Howard Stern that DiSpirito was the best lay she ever had and bearer of a “perfect penis”… I think “why” is now pretty clear.
Filed under: Celebrity Chefs, Divorce, Extramarital Affairs, Great Sex, Howard Stern, Padma Lakshmi, Perfect Penises are Amazing, Perfection, Rocco DiSpirito, rumors, Salman Rushdie, Top Chef, Whitney Casey
I never would have thought that a useless, self-congratulatory, dumb blonde biiiiiatch like Heidi Montag could possibly have come from a background of Hardass Parenting.
But today when I read what her mother said about her recent elopement with douchetard Spencer Pratt:
“I’m confident the marriage won’t work out. I give it six months.”
…I was like, zing! Not even my pull-no-punches-I’ll-tell-ya-like-it-is-even-if-it’s-basically-a-verbal-kick-in-the-gut-you-fuckup-child-o-mine Hardass Asian Mom would Nostradamus on me with such mean-spirited public zeal.
Maybe I should be go easier on Heidi. I’ll totally think about doing that. Some day.
Mark Ciptak, a new father in Tennessee, “surprised” his wife this week–by ignoring their chosen baby name “Ava Grace,” and instead submitting the name “Sarah McCain Palin” on their child’s birth certificate documents.
Ciptak, a blood bank employee for the American Red Cross, said he named his third child after John McCain and Sarah Palin to “to get the word out” about the campaign.
“I took one for the cause,” he said. “I can’t give a lot of financial support for the (McCain/Palin) campaign. I do have a sign up in my yard, but I can do very little.”
What a gesture! And a clever and beautiful name, to say the least! I think, however, a unique spelling (Hollywood-style) of the “surprise” moniker would be more appropriate. How about: D-I-V-O-R-C-E?
The Washington Post recently did a feature on the National Chauvinistic Husbands Association (see accompanying video above), a self-starter group in Japan focused on coaxing its members into treating their wives better. The Association formed in light of the recent change in Japanese law that allows a wife filing for divorce to claim as much as half her husband’s company pension.
We guess it’s no surprise… sense doesn’t ever seem to guide people to do right, but dolla dolla bills sure as hell do (do you think Hummer lovers would be lining up to buy Priuses if they weren’t currently paying $180 a tank?). As lame as we think it is that any hubbies need to “learn” how to be nice to their wife (i.e. call when they’re gonna be late, talk at night, say “I love you” with some genuine emotion, etc.), we do like one thing about the group’s methodical teachings:
The fight mantra.
“I can’t win. I won’t win. I don’t want to win.”
Dude. Now we’re talking.