You are currently browsing posts tagged with Disgrasian Jr.

ROCK OF DISGRASIAN: Namskie

July 22nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Can somebody please ask this young’un to–as my parents would say–stop “enjoying life” and stick to real work, like learning calculus?

He may try to be humorous, but–as my parents would say–all we see is failure.

[YouTube: Namskie's channel]

Thanks, Jonathan!

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Ur So Gay, U Probably Think This Post Is About U

July 7th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I was naturally disturbed when our friends at Homo Shame discovered the Tumblr blog of this young DISGRASIAN-in-training:.


No, I’m not about to use this forum to disgrace some nobody young’un (that’s not how we roll), but I did wonder what this little girl’s obsession with gay tests and not being gay and calling people gay came from who the hell is influencing the kids today, yknowwhatimsayin?

A quick scroll down the page answered that question in this instance:


AGH. Of COURSE! KATY PERRY! That creepy Zooey Deschanel knockoff with the inane outfits and creepy saucer-eyed stare (Is that all it takes to be a pop star these days, by the way? Somebody ask Lady GaGa) and former Christian pop career and new top 40 songs I’ve never heard (thank bejeezus) and semi-famous rocker ex. Of COURSE this ignoramus is responsible for the influence of our country’s dumb, ADD-afflicted, impressionable youth.

What’s the deal with this song, anyway?


Can somebody please explain to Perry and, for that matter, Capitol Records, that tossing around the word “gay” as an insult is REALLY FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE? Do we need Hillary Duff to tell them all what’s what (I’m not sure I ever thought I’d see the day)?

Perhaps they might realize that there are real results to having a provocative hit song that playfully attaches a negative connotation to a word that describes sexuality–beyond a couple of people that “live to be offended” writing on Perry’s social networking profile.

And those results are what you see above.

(Also, it’s “you’re,” not “Ur.” Stupid kids!)

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Thank U, jRu!

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Dear Irene and Randy’s Parents

October 29th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Dear Parents,

Hey guys! What’s up? I’ve been watching your Prop 8 YouTube video over and over since Diana posted it yesterday, and I feel compelled to tell you: YOUR SON RANDY IS GAY. I don’t mean in that Hilary Duff way. I mean gay-gay. Don’t ask me how I know; I have wicked awesome gaydar is all.

gaily yours,
Jen

P.S. When Randy comes out in 10 years and you disown him, send him along to us, will ya? We really ♥ gaysians. Peace.

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DISGRASIAN Jr.: 86 Your Parents

October 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

[UPDATE: It seems that Irene and Randy's parents have disabled video embedding, but you can still watch the haterasian here.]

Dear Little Irene and Randy,

It’s great that you’re getting involved with politics at such a young age. Having not hit puberty yet, I’m sure it can get pretty durned confusing with all of the grownups around ya filling your head with all sorts of “information” and “facts” about important things like, “Why homosexuality is wrong” and “The certainty of you suddenly encountering the confusing situation of your mom being a man and your dad being a woman if Proposition 8 doesn’t pass in California.” So many big words! And not enough playtime or candy, Right? Are ya with me? High fives!

So I wanted to get real simple and tell you a couple of things about your parents. They’re actually GOBLINS. That’s right, GOBLINS! Do you know what a goblin is? A goblin is a monster who has a human brain cut in half and then half again, one that is shriveled up and purple like a prune! Eww! Prunes! They also smell really really bad, mostly because they eat brains for breakfast! YUCK! Don’t forget this, either–goblins have ugly feet, and because they are so stupid, they can’t carry on normal conversations, carry on productive lives, or write two verses that rhyme.

So these goblin parents of yours, they were cursed by a very ugly, wicked witch with a very, ugly wicked nose with a wart on it (Ewww!) a long time ago–a punishment for stealing cookies from autistic babies. Don’t worry if you don’t know what “autistic” means (by the way, it means “awesome.”) ANYWAY, so your goblin parents knew that one day they would have children, and those children would NOT BE GOBLINS! They would be wonderful, sweet, beautiful children named Irene and Randy. But the goblins knew, because of the curse, that those beautiful children would be DISGUSTED if they knew that the goblins were goblins. Maybe those beautiful children would ABANDON the goblins, because they were so icky and stupid! So they went to the witch doctor and asked for a spell… and the spell gave them the power of a hypnotic music. With the gift of one very simple, hypnotic song, they could BRAINWASH their beautiful children, and channel the hate of goblins somewhere, anywhere else! That’s right! They could make their children hate somebody else!!

So they wrote a song, which wasn’t very good (because they’re stupid goblins that can’t rhyme), and they played it for you every day. And you’ve been hypnotized with hatred ever since!

Additionally, your parents have also stolen most of your Christmas presents, killed your dog and goldfish, and eat cake while playing video games every night after you go to bed.

Oh, and also, I have heard that if you sing the “Yes on 8″ song more than 14 times, you also turn into a goblin.

The moral of the story is: divorce your parents. They’re narrow-minded assholes that have exploited and filmed you doing something terrible. When you grow older, I am sure that you will regret this, and on that day, I hope that you consider socking them both in the neckmeat.

And my advice to you is: if you want to get a lot of candy on Halloween, dress up as a sign that says, “Vote NO on Prop 8!” And when you walk around the neighborhood, be sure to chant, “Bigotry is Dead! My Parents are Goblins! Vote No on 8!” And no, it doesn’t rhyme–but that should just make it easier for your parents to follow along.

If you have any questions, just stay in touch!

Love and gummi bears,
Diana

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Thanks, Abe!

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Kid Nasian

October 11th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I regretfully admit that I’ve suffered through four full episodes of CBS’ Kid Nation–a clumsy, abhorrent reality mindfuck dripping with heavy-handed producing, “preditorial” cobbling of thin storylines, forced moral dilemmas, hackneyed challenges, and cheesy emotional final acts. I HATE this show–something I’m not inclined to say about any program on television (having myself slaved to make ‘em for years)–it’s cruel (40 days out on the prairie? We could have broken them down in 14), abusive (freezing cold temperatures and no visible chapstick), prosaic (I’ve seen plenty of Jeff Probst imitations in my day, but this is ridiculous), and likely to scar the cast members who are actually “kids” (they range from way-too-young 8 to old-ass 15 in age) for life.

There is, however, a sick and twisted part of me that watches the show every week, if only to wonder and wonder and wonder what kind of parents signed their offspring up for this horribly executed social experiment. If you look closely, you can see and hear them pretty clearly:

“Now Taylor, y’all don’t have to do things like work and study
’cause you’re pretty. Let all them poor and ugly folk take care of that nonsense.
You protect yer face. If they don’t like it they can DEAL WITH IT!”


This most recent episode, titled “Bless Us and Keep Us Safe,” centered around the heavy-handed and divisive topic of religion, which made me cringe at every step–from one kid not seeing the big deal about oils and candles and Hanukkah, to the feel-good prize of various Holy Books that the kids were guilted into choosing.

But again, I found myself watching the whole thing, dreaming about the parents that were responsible for the tiny voices and words coming out of these characters. And for the first time all season, some of these kids were Asian.

Kelsey, a fun and spazzy 9-year old, bumped fists with another Christian kid to settle the debate over “the Jew Crew.” Guess she’s been rocking the church parties with her parents.

And little 9-year old Alex, the cherub with the one big tooth, finally got to speak after being rendered mute in 3 previous episodes. When he did, he made an incredibly articulate speech to the group about finding religious similarities– before collecting data detailing on the groups various religions and sub-religions. He’s obviously been doing his homework. If his Mom and Dad are anything like them, I totally wanna hang.

That said, who the hell signs their 9-year old to be on this damn show?!?!?

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Disgrasian Jr. "Where You Been?"

March 20th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Pax and Suri. They’re cute. They’re mysterious. They’re elusive. And they both surfaced this week just long enough to be spotted by a couple of those naughty paps.

These two have quite a lot in common. Incidentally, they both deserve a simultaneous shaming this week.

I’ll start with the boy.

To Mr. “Peace Sky Pretty”


YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE CARRIED.

Take that binky out of your mouth, grab yourself a PSP, and start surfing the net for free porn like the rest of your first world peers.

To Suri “My Dad was in Cocktail” Cruise,

When that Vanity Fair announced your arrival, we all gasped. You were obviously half yellow. And you were adorable. Sure, you were the result of some sort of weird laboratory experiment, but at least you were gonna be good at math.

You have gone from being my very favoritest Eurasian tot on this Planet of Wayward Souls…

to looking like THEM.

HOW DARE YOU DITCH US BEFORE WINNING EVEN ONE SPELLING BEE?!

You might still be cute, but I am over you.

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