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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rosemary Port and the Internet’s Anonymous

August 28th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


By now you’ve probably heard the story: Former model Liskula Cohen, 37, subpoenas Google in January, in pursuit of a defamation suit “concerning her appearance, hygiene and sexual conduct” against the anonymous author of a Blogspot site called “Skanks in NYC.” The blog features only five posts with photographs, all devoted to calling Cohen a “skank,” “hag” and “ho.” Cohen ultimately wins in court, and Google is forced to fork over the IP address and email of the anonymous blogger, identified as Cohen’s acquaintance, Rosemary Port. A media frenzy ensues.

Port: Still hiding?

Satisfied by knowing Port’s identity, Cohen decides to drop the defamation lawsuit, even calling to forgive her. Port, on the other hand, blames Cohen for the Streisand Effect on the issue, and prepares her own $15 million suit against Google for invading her privacy.

Dizzying, isn’t it? And fascinating. Even though we live on and in it, sometimes it’s easy to forget that the Interwebz is still a rather young entity, and we’re only just starting to understand the power–both positive and negative–of this vast, largely anonymous space.

Inevitably, people have landed on both sides of this matter. And though a court did side with Cohen when she initially pressed Google, we’re likely see the saga shift legal momentum with respect to Port’s suit (perhaps “all the way to the Supreme Court”), for months.

The Web being a maze of aliases, handles, social identities and passwords, it’s only natural for us to revel in the freedom of its virtual invisibility cloak. After all, stalking an ex quietly on Facebook is much easier than hunting the fucker down at his neighborhood haunts. Pay-as-you-go online porn is effortless compared to walking behind the partition at a dingy, outdated video store. Discussion boards for personal problems are sometimes more accessible and helpful than group therapy. Who would sniff their nose at a buffer for the stuff we’re not so proud of?

But anonymous Internet flaming, which we see so often on blogs, YouTube, social networks and message boards, is the e-quivalent of pulling a shirt over your head, running over to somebody, kicking them in the mouth, yelling, “You’re a fat asshole, you fucking fat asshole!” and then taking off down the street. Afterwards, one person’s still bleeding, and their attacker–a total chickenshit–has already moved on.

Or, as Maureen Dowd cited in NYT’s Opinion section:

“The velocity and volume on the Web are so great that nothing is forgotten and nothing is remembered,” says Leon Wieseltier, the literary editor of The New Republic. “The Internet is like closing time at a blue-collar bar in Boston. Everyone’s drunk and ugly and they’re going to pass out in a few minutes.”

It’s simply impossible to respect this brand of cowardice, at least for us. Recently, some anonymous shitbag lamely slammed DISGRASIAN for being “BOOORRINNG” on The Roast List. Every comment posted in reply was also anonymous (save for a dude named “RelentlessX”, who’s probably either a huge fan of Avril Lavigne and the Pussycat Dolls, or this guy). To be honest, it’s hard to dignify criticism from phantoms: Er… um… we guess we’re sorry we don’t impress a bunch of dickless, spineless, St. Martin’s Guide-less, anonymous pussies. Perhaps they’re just not our demo? Our demo probably gets laid more.

We at DISGRASIAN don’t have a legal position (Sorry Mom, still not going to law school!) on Port’s anonymous mudslinging, but we do have an opinion. And we’re posting it here:

Rosemary Port’s worst anonymous words may have been: “How old is this skank? 40 something? She’s a psychotic, lying, whoring, still going to clubs at her age, skank.” Not only is her prose a hot mess, but she didn’t have the nards to stand behind them. We couldn’t care less that a model loves snorting crack while wearing uncooked bacon and at the center of a bukkake circle (Don’t they all? Hee!), if the person telling us can’t stand up while saying so.

That’s an opinion, like it or not. We’re not only willing to state it, but sign our names behind it.

Mine is Diana Nguyen.

[Times UK: Unmasked Blogger Rosemary Port to Sue Google for $15m]

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Pretty SelFish

February 5th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Every time I witness Masi Oka on his own turf, performing for the camera on his own volition, a little part of me dies. It’s one thing to clown like an idiot on Heroes, from which, thanks to the strike, we can take a much needed break. It’s quite another to shoot idiotic videos with your actor friends that make you seem even more like a perma-flaccid-dick.

I swear to Bejeezus, if I never hear Kung-Fu fighting again (as an inappropriate score to some clowny Asian dude ruining it for all the rest), it’ll be too soon. But hey, let’s all thank Masi for bringing it back.

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My Parents Don’t Approve of Nick and Vanessa "Playing House" and Neither Do I

December 5th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I hate to puke.

But when I’m driving around the city and I’m pulled up to a stoplight and I’m clucking my tongue to tunes and checking out pedestrians, my eyes will settle on the license plate frame on the car in front of me. “Rachel and Marc…Meant to Be” indeed! I saw this the other day. I promptly hurled into my travel coffee mug.

Who does this? Are these the same people that buy “relationship” photo albums? Or who get decals of their initials + their lovah of two month’s initials = 4eva? What IS this? Why is this?

I will declare it here and now, no self-respecting couple should do such things. If you are one of these dorks, it doesn’t matter if you donate to Africa or have two broken legs or buy me 30 Hermes bracelets. I hate you. I really do. You are making the world drippier, sadder, and uglier. You are like a french-country epidemic, infecting the planet one frilly photo at a time. BLEGH. BLEGHHH.

Oh, and you, Nick and Vanessa?

…you are so that couple, and I hate you, you goons. BLEGH. I just ruined my new blouse.

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Nerd Eliminasian

September 26th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I like to believe (because it’s true) that Asians excel at everything.

If you’re going to be a genome researcher, be the very best researcher. If you’re going to be a concert violinist, be the the very best concert violinist. If you’re going to be a blogger, be the very best blogger (hee!)–do you what you do, and do it well.

Oh, and one more thing: if you’re going to be the one repreznt’n Asian smarty-pants-nerd on the 4th season of Beauty and the Geek, be the best damn Geek in the bin, NOT THE FIRST ELIMINATED. And when you are eliminated from the cast of what is really just a CW-low-concept-reality-show, DON’T CRY LIKE A LITTLE BITCH.

I’m talking to you, Tony:

Tony, I want to like you. You’re a nerd (DISGRASIAN actually really loves nerds). You love science (science is hot). You’re not just any medical student, you specialize in Biomedical Engineering with a concentration in Chemical Engineering (which is basically just a tongue-twister to us). You collect historic medical books and play Chinese Chess. That shit is brainy and weird and mildly eccentric, which is awesome. It’s all very, very cool.

So embrace it! Own it! You don’t need a stupid reality show to get laid. You can get laid all on your own. You just need to make a few improvements.

First of all, stand up straight. Secondly, stop tucking in your t-shirt, and never wear exercise pants if you aren’t exercising. While you’re at it, feel free to exercise more. Next, realize that you have a penis and act like it. You’re studying at Johns Hopkins University right now– introduce yourself to my friend Young, who is a medical professor there with a Princeton English Degree and a Medical PhD and is possibly the coolest and sexiest brainiac alive–and get some lady-baiting tips.

Lastly, stop selling yourself and your brothers as dickless dorks that don’t know Vanilla Ice from Eminem or up from down or eunuch from Munich. You’re better than that.

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Masi Okastrato

September 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Pre-Emmys, our favorite castrato Masi Oka gave an interview to People, where he cited barely-legal Hayden Panettiere as his mentor…in the love department.

Here are snippets from that conversation, with me reading between the lines.

MASI: “…I’m really in no place to give (Hayden) advice because I’m looking for love myself and I haven’t had much luck there. I’m single and available.”

TRANSLASIAN: I’m unrucky in rove. I mean, unlucky. In love.

MASI: “I remember one day we went to this premiere and I didn’t realize it was a press event and they were taking pictures and Hayden came up to me and said ‘Masi, you have a hickey! We have to cover you up!’ And I was like, ‘Whoa. I didn’t know that.’”

TRANSLASIAN: I still get hickeys, even though I am 32 years old. Just rike 12 year-old boys who have never gotten raid. I mean, laid.

MASI: “Hayden always takes care of all of us.”

TRANSLASIAN: Even though I went to Brown and I am a technical genius, I am totally helpress. I mean, helpless.

Masi. We are so sick of your bullshit. Everyday, we’re trying to suture the big dick back onto the Asian Male Persona a la John Wayne Bobbitt’s ER doctors and yet you still find a way continually to CUT YOUR OWN DICK OFF and foil our hard work.

Fuck this. You’re dickless. You win.

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