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[Ed. note--this post was written in advance of the tragic shooting that occurred on Saturday, Jan. 8 in Arizona. Our thoughts go out to those affected by those events.]
We talked a lot in the closing months of last year how 2010 was BALLS. And you know why it was balls? Because it was a year ruled by DICKS. Dickheads, dickweeds, dickwads, dicktwits, dickfaces, cheesedicks, needledicks, pencil dicks, limp dicks, and a various assortment of Dick Tracies, seemed to poke their, ahem, heads out from all sides. It was actually hard to come up with only 10 Dicks From ’10 because the year was so chock-full of cocksmokers. But somehow, after a little dicking around, we did.
WHY THEY’RE DICKS: Everywhere we turned in 2010, there was another story about somebody named Palin being a dick. There was Todd Palin writing angry, poorly-punctuated emails. There was Willow Palin writing gay slur-slinging, poorly-punctuated Facebook comments. There was Bristol Palin being billed as a “teen activist” and dancing her way horribly to the Dancing With the Stars finals. And then there was Mama Grizzdick herself, Sarah Palin, who showed time and again that not only was she a dick, she was a Dick of All Trades–a refudiating dick, a 1st Amendment-confused dick, an Islamophobic dick, a book-shilling dick, a reality TV dick, a Tea Party dick, and, generally, an all-around fame-trolling dick of the highest magnitude. While it’s clear the Palins are gunning to be the First Family of the United States in 2012, for now, they can pat themselves on the backs for being, hands-down, the First Family of the United States of Dickbags.
OUR SOLUTION: The family of dicks that gets Dick Cancer together stays together. Another idea: JUST. GO. AWAY.
Filed under: 2010 Sucked Ass, Arizona, Arizona SB 1070, BP, BP Oil Spill, Brett Favre, Brett Favre Cheats On Wife, Brett Favre Penis, Brett Favre Sad Weiner, Brett Favre Why Did You Come Back?, Bristol Palin, Cheaters, Decision Points, Dick Cancer, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Everything About the Palins Sucks Ass, George W. Bush, George W. Bush Decision Points, Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwyneth Paltrow Country Strong, Gwyneth Paltrow Sings, Hamburger Helper Helps a Hamburger Help Gwen Make A Great Mess, Jesse James, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Nazi Photo, Jesse James PR Suicide, John McCain, Kat Von D, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, North Korea, Sarah Palin, SB 1070, The Palins, Todd Palin, TSA, TSA Body Scanner
Suspected Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad is giving people a bad name.
And, no, we don’t mean terrorists. (They do a fantastic job of that on their own, obvs.)
We mean immigrants. And naturalized citizens. And Pakistani Americans, who, in the wake of several recent terror plots involving other Pakistani Americans, are living in fear of the backlash. People whose lives may resemble Shahzad’s in one way or another with the exception of one key point–they aren’t terrorists.
But they’re certainly more likely now to be suspected as such. Which is just what everyone needs in our current climate of immigrant-hate, rah-rah-racial profiling, and politicians preying on people’s fear of The Other, as in this ad from Republican Dan Fanelli, who’s running for Congress in Florida:
(For any of you geniuses who actually think racial profiling works–we seem to be Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Suspected Times Square Bomber Faisal Shahzad
Filed under: Anti-Immigration Law, Arizona, Bad Apples, Conservatards, Dan Fanelli, Dick Cancer, Faisal Shahzad, Immigrants, Islamic Extremism, Naturalized Citizens, Pakistani Americans, Political Extremism, Terrorists, Times Square Car Bomber Faisal Shahzad
Y’all. Y’ALL. What was up with this week? Why was everyone being such a dick? Was mercury in some kind of dickish retrograde? Was there an excess of dickage in the air? Was there some kind of discount offered on dick pipes? Was it, like, International Be-A-Dick Week? Was there a big VIP dick party that we weren’t invited to (and why not, you dicks)? Seriously, what was with all this whatthedickery?
Don’t know what we mean? What kind of dickhole have you been hiding in? (And is there extra room there? We’re kinda all dicked-out at the moment.) Not to be a total dick and ruin your dick-free week, but if you don’t know what we’re talking about, you don’t know dick. So let’s stop dicking around and get down to business.
NAME: Adam Carolla
WHY HE’S A DICK: He fucked with Intern Jasmine’s homeland and #1 homey, Manny Pacquiao. And she, along with an army of pissed-off Pinoys, ain’t feelin’ that half-assed mea culpa he posted on Twitter.
OUR SOLUTION: Dick Cancer
NAME: The Shen Neng 1 Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! 10 People And/Or Things We Hope Get Dick Cancer
Filed under: Adam Carolla Disses Manny Pacquiao, Akron OH Orientals, Anti-Abortion Crazies, Chinese Coal Ship Rams Great Barrier Reef, Cocks, Dick Cancer, Dickheads, Dicks, Disgrasians of the Weak, Father Joseph Palanivel Jeyapaul, Ginny Barber, Joey Lo, M. Night Shyamalan, North Korea, Orientals, Patrick Kim McDermott, Pricks, Shadows In the Cloud Hackers, Shen Neng 1, The Last Airbender, The Vatican, Tiki Barber, We Are Not Mascots Motherfucker