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I’ve been really, really excited-like, all week long, since I found out that Asians are magic.
SO excited that I started seeking out magical proof of our Asian magical magicness, and actually–or perhaps magically–stumbled on a video of cute magical Asian gal doing an actual magic trick!!
Let’s check it out!
Don’t think I like magic so much anymore.
Time to go practice the violin or something.
Filed under: Alternative Girl You Rock My World, Asians Are Magic, Creepy Tingles, Dental Disgrasians, Disappointment, Holes Everywhere, Learning My Lesson, Magic, Magic Tricks, Ouch, Piercings That Suck
Remember Magibon, the YouTube sensasian who started a whole genre of whatthefuckery on the web by smiling and staring into a camera?
When we last wrote about her, we wondered why she was so tight-lipped. Our theory was that she had just thrown up in her mouth. We were close:
DENTAL DISGRASIAN ALERT!!! Except, of course, homegirl’s not really Asian.
But given the fact that Magibon is practically mute, obsessed with cute, and has made a career out of soliciting herself to internet pervs…she might as well be.
This week, DISGRASIAN’s favorite cuntdit Michelle Malkin posted “Meet the GOP Immigration Drag Queens” on her site and took Huckabee, Giuliani, and McCain to task for changing their stances on illegal immigration, the bee in Malkinbitch’s bonnet. She called Huckabee “a shameless border control cross-dresser” and wrote:
Bad enough that the Democrat candidates are still stuck in a 9/10 mentality on the nexus between immigration and national security. The question for conservatives is: Would a Republican immigration drag queen be any better — or worse?
Oh Malkinbitch. People ask us all the time why we don’t write about you more, and we’re happy to tell ya: 1) because you are the right-wing House Oriental, and when we read your blather, er, blog, all we see is a chick tryin’ to make a fast nickel instead of someone with real conviction, and 2) we really can’t stand looking at those terrifying teeth of yours; they give us nightmares.
But don’t go bringin’ cross-dressers and drag queens into the debate like they’re a bad thing. First off, we’re pretty sure that any drag queen worth her Adam’s Apple could kick your scrawny ass without lifting a french tip. Also, drag queens are awesome and most of them a lot hotter than you. Here are examples of some smokin’ he-bitches, for future reference:
Experiencing some self-loathing, perhaps?
We would like to wish Risa Ring and her teeth a very happy 34th birthday! We hope for prosperity, health, and a Pulitzer for you both in the coming year.
It’s been a while since we’ve written about one of our favorite DENTAL DISGRASIANS, Risa Ring (not my moniker, but hers). Now America’s toughest reporter has just added another notch to her belt of journalistic integrity.
And yes, we totally believe Risa drinks low-rent coffee, don’t you?
One of our favorite, um, people, Lisa Ling, was married over the weekend to oncologist Paul Song, in L.A. Congratulasians, Lisa and Paul!
The bride wore a red Vivienne Tam dress, which followed the dress code edict laid down in their wedding invite: “If You’re Cool, You’ll Wear Asian Chic.” Many of the couple’s 550 closest friends complied with the drag-code and showed wearing chopsticks in their hair, silk pyjamas, and satin beanies with a single, braided pigtail.
Chic-est of them all were Paul’s groomsmen, who dressed in karate uniforms for the ceremony. K-lassy!
Given that the wedding invitation showed the bride pulling a rickshaw and being billed as “Risa Ring” on a kung-fu movie poster spoof, all this should come as no surprise. This couple is sooo self-aware, not to mention, HI-larious… deal with it!
But, really, I digress. I’d like to take this moment to toast Lisa and Paul. I raise my glass of flat diet Coke to you, and, to paraphrase my peeps (and Risa’s), I wish you Double-DISGRASIANess for years and years to come.
I just want to say once and for all that NOT ALL ASIANS ARE SMART. Stop stereotyping us like that, alright? What, you don’t believe me? You want proof? Look no further, then, than Dental Disgrasian and conservative cuntdit Michelle Malkin.
The fantasy of gun-free zones
Plus: A lesson in “sensitivity”
By Michelle Malkin · April 18, 2007 04:44 PM
“…Instead of teaching students to defend their beliefs, American educators shield them from vigorous intellectual debate. Instead of encouraging autonomy, our higher institutions of learning stoke passivity and conflict-avoidance.
And as the erosion of intellectual self-defense goes, so goes the erosion of physical self-defense.
As news was breaking about the carnage at Virginia Tech, a reader e-mailed me a news story from last January. State legislators in Virginia had attempted to pass a bill that would have eased handgun restrictions on college campuses. Opposed by outspoken, anti-gun activists and Virginia Tech administrators, that bill failed.
Is it too early to ask: ‘What if?’ What if that bill had passed? What if just one student in one of those classrooms had been in lawful possession of a concealed weapon for the purpose of self-defense?…”
I hate to answer a question with a question, but I have a few for you, Malkin:
What if the shooter and the self-defender, both in lawful possession of concealed weapons, are in different classrooms in the same building?
What if the shooter and the self-defender, both in lawful possession etc., are in different buildings?
What if the self-defender, who is in lawful possession etc., sleeps in and cuts class that morning?
What if the shooter gets into his/her first choice college, and the self-defender has to settle for a “safety school,” and they are at different universities, in different states, and in different time zones?
OH. I get it. Forgive me for being daft on the uptake. You think that all college students should arm themselves at all times in the event of an unforeseeable tragedy, on the off-chance that one homicidal shooter and one or more law-abiding gun-toting self-defenders, all in lawful possession of concealed weapons, will happen to find themselves in the same classroom at the same time on the same exact day?
That’s your solution? Hmm. Your mind is so…complex. Have you ever thought of running for office? Because it’s this kind of rigorous, righteous thinking that will surely prevent another Virginia Tech from happening, “win” the war in Iraq, win back Congress for conservatards, and make you rich enough to buy the things you’ve always needed–braces and a muzzle.
A new series, “Who Cares About Girls?”, hosted by the incomparable Lisa Ling, premiered recently on the Oxygen Network. If this chick is the next Oprah, I’m going to shoot myself.
The premiere episode, “Daughters Left Behind,” is about girls growing up without their mothers, who are all incarcerated. Some of the hard-hitting questions LL asked her
victims Peabody Award-lackeys exploited children isn’t the fact that their mothers are in prison enough torture? girls:
To sweet, pink-loving Jessica, whose mother is serving time for selling METH, on her infrequent visitations to Moms:
“DO YOU PLAN WHAT TO WEAR?”
To Yasmin’s mother, who is doing 12 years for ARMED ROBBERY:
“When I was growing up, my parents were divorced…every time she left [after a visit], it was one of the hardest things ever. AND I STILL HAVE THE FEELING, JUST OF NOT BEING, IT’S MOM, YOU KNOW?”
“I’d bet you’d be a good lawyer. If you want to be a lawyer, you have to have a big voice, you have to speak up, you know? And you have to say, I OBJECT!”
Girlfriend, you took the words right out of my mouth.
I really have nothing against Lisa Ling. I applaud the fact that she is trying to be a serious journalist, even though she sucks at it. Last night, I watched her yet-another-desperate-grab-for-a-Peabody report on the “World’s Most Dangerous Gang,” a fatuous and unsubstantiated hour of misery. (Watch HBO’s Bastards of the Party if you want to learn about LA gangs, albeit different ones).
I was trying to figure out during that wasted time why she bugs. Maybe it’s because of those big chompers of hers:
Here’s the good news, according to a story about models in today’s Sunday (No)Styles section: “For a long time, one rarely saw Asian models on fashion catwalks. Then markets opened in China, Japan, and Korea and the beauty of women like Ai Tominaga, Hye Park and Du Juan became irresistible…” In other words, ASIAN MODELS RULE.
And, in a separate Styles story about Asian pop stars (or the lack thereof), the bad news: “Asked to name the most popular Asian-American pop solo singer today, older generations might say the Hawaiian singer Don Ho, but younger Asian-American artists agreed on one person: WILLIAM HUNG…”
Since William Hung may be the primary reason why we started this website, I thought I would give him a personal shout-out:
1) You are the second coming of Long Duk Dong, the original DISGRASIAN whose indelible yellow-face appearance in “Sixteen Candles” ruined my adolescence.
2) You still can’t sing.
3) Your teeth are still f-ed up. Sue your orthodontist.
4) You’re fat.
5) Not only are you fat, you seem to be afflicted with “White Man’s Puff,” a disorder previously thought by geneticists to be limited to Caucasian men over 25 who drink too much beer.
6) You are the reason why Asian kids will get their asses kicked in grade school for the next 20 years. Happy?
7) I hate you.
all the best,