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Can I call you Alex? I feel like I can, since you’re Chinese-American and I am, too, and we have the same last name, which means we’re practically related. First things first–congratulasians on winning the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund award! You rule! Your clothes–a clever mix of grunge street urchin and 80′s lady—are the bomb! Anna Wintour has found room in her icy, unsmiling, chinchilla-clad heart to love you! In other words, you have arrived.
And now that you’ve arrived, you really don’t need advice from anyone, except your CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund mentor who comes with the prize. But allow me to make one small, albeit bold, suggestion–as bold as those raggedy denim cut-offs you designed for fall and had the balls to charge $285.00 for when they look like that item of clothing one feels is too trashed to even donate to the homeless–please start saying our last name right. “Waaaang” is waaaaack. “Wong” is right. There is, I’m afraid, no middle ground. Think of this as your Demi Moore moment. Remember back in the late 80′s, circa Ghost, when Demi Moore went from being known as “Dem-ee” to “Duh-mee,” seemingly overnight? Of course you don’t, because you were just a wee lad back then. But, look. It happened. And everyone got with the program. And instead of people being, like, WTF is up with that, they threw money at this born-again creature “Duh-mee” and she became the highest-paid female movie star in the land (until she did The Scarlet Letter, Striptease, and G.I. Jane in that order and all but killed her career, but that’s another story).
You’ve made it, sweetie. Which means that people have to start saying your name right. You could even pull a Prince and start going by a symbol, and people would have to respect that (please don’t). And you don’t want to mistaken for, like, Vera Waaaang’s relasian, do you? She’s so yesterday’s news. And you, my friend, are the future.
love you Wang time,
DEMI: Hello, Angel.
LUCY: Hey Duh-mi! J’adore your crocodile yoga bag!
DEMI: It’s actually a telescope.
LUCY: Oh! Uh, cool?
DEMI: All the better to see Zac Poseur’s overwrought, derivative, ill-fitting dresses with!
LUCY: OMG. Genius.
DEMI: So what have you been up to for the last four years?
LUCY: Not making watchable movies. You?
DEMI: Same. But I look fucking great, don’t you think?
LUCY: I was going to say the same thing about myself! Weird!
LUCY: How’s Ashton?
(more awkward silence)
DEMI: Wanna see how my telescope works?
LUCY: Yes! J’adore telescopes!