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@DirecTV: Your Dat Phan “Whale” Ad Blows

July 25th, 2011 | 14 comments | Posted by Jen

Dear Cable Overlord,

I’ll be honest, I’m still kinda pissed at you for making me break up all those years ago with my Mac-like TiVo and forcing me into a marriage with your PC-like fake-TiVo-that-doesn’t-have-a-catchy-name. I miss those cute noises my TiVo used to make, even that weird bonk it issued when I pushed the wrong button or what have you. But you’ve given me the MLB, NFL, and NBA packages, and Friday Night Lights six months ahead of everyone else and now Damages, so, really, I’ve had little cause to complain since.

But this, DirecTV’s “The Whale” ad starring Dat Phan, winner of the first Last Comic Standing? This blows.

Here’s why:

  1. You’re clearly ripping off Ken Jeong’s Mr. Chow from The Hangover movies.
  2. While I love me some Ken Jeong almost any day of the week, Mr. Chow is basically awful and your rip-off is worse.
  3. An Asian accent isn’t a stand-in for funny.
  4. Wait, was this ad supposed to be funny? I’m assuming because you hired a comedian, the answer is yes. But I can’t tell. Seriously, I can’t tell.
  5. Let’s assume this ad was supposed to be funny. Jokes about an Asian person being small are played and unfunny. So I guess you weren’t trying to be funny? See that? Now I’m confused, which is never a good thing in advertising.

But, hey, listen. If you finally get that new and improved DirecTV TiVo DVR out this year that you’ve been teasing me with for the last three, I may find it in my heart to forgive.

Your begrudging cable serf,


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Dat Sucks

January 27th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I typically love most of what our friend at Slant Eye for the Round Eye posts on his blog, but not today. Nope, today, he posted (with a disclaimer, natch) a new Funny or Die vid starring the most horribly un-hilarious comic ever, Dat Phan:

…and I am definitely going to have to go with “die.” DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.

Source Source
xo, Slanty!

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Crouching Tiger, Hidden Red Carpet

June 27th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The Myth, a 2005 Stanley Tong-directed film that will be released this summer in the U.S. and stars Jackoff Chan, had its premiere a few nights ago. Some of the guests came down with a nasty case of Jackoffitis while walking the red carpet:

Dat Phan–Last Comic Standing season one winner
Allen Alvarado–no idea who this little punk is except he’s not Asian

Oh Jackoff. The legacy you’re leaving us is oh so rich. It will take a lifetime to undo your work as an Uncle Tam.

Are you happy being a race traitor not to mention an ass clown?

I really hope so, man, you deserve it. Rush Hour 3 is going to tank.

Thanks for nothing!


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