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Dammit all to hell.
If we had known that G4 was shooting Ninja Warrior on a custom course in SoCal’s sunny Santa Monica, just twenty minutes (or 2.3 hours, with traffic) from DISGRASIAN HQ, Jen and I would not have spent last Saturday doing frivolous, meaningless things like going for dumplings, dealing with our taxes, or attending weddings!
We would have put on our knee pads, knocked down a few Red Bull Lights, and killed that mothafuckin’ course! KILLED IT! MAIMED ITS FACE! RIPPED ITS FUGGIN’ NUTSACK OFF!
Ah well, at least our friend Olivia did:
The Miss Universe pageant is currently underway in Vietnam and pageant organizers have already demonstrated that they can’t spell “Philippines.” Miss Philippines Jennifer Barrientos’ sash read “Miss Phillippines” for three days before the mistake was corrected. I only learned about this because I happen to have a Google Alert for “Phillipines.” That’s right, with two L’s. Because I, um…am on a mission to rid the world of its ignorance when it comes to spelling the name of this Southeast Asian island-nation. Yes, that’s it! And to do that, I have to be hypervigillant. I have to scour the web for Phillippineses. I have to sleep with one eye open just so that I can be on the lookout at ALL TIMES for those hatefull two L’s. The devills who commit this crime over and over must be stopped, and I, uh…
…I maybe can’t spell “Philippines” either.
The Miss Universe pageant airs July 13 on NBC.